Stages of life affect advice.  A joy of being beyond 40 is you lived life and still know you have a long future ahead.  In speaking with women and men, as well as young adults, mostly we want to speak, not be interrupted, and not feel the listener has robot answers. 

You want opinions about your thoughts and questions.  You don't want to be hammered or told the trite by someone just repeating what you said.

"What do you think about this idea and what do you think about that one?"   "Well, what I did in that situation was.....and that might not be what you would do."   "I say, let it go.  You did the best you could and now say goodbye to that person."  " I want you to go beyond saying the words, I AM SORRY.  I don't believe you anymore since I have heard that a billion times. 

I want to be inspired with a new plan."  " Keep the job you have and see it as a part of your life, not all of your life.  Go do something fun."  "Would you like me to call you tomorrow to follow up?"   "I would love for you to come by and meet my friend." "I don't know what to say about what you should do.  I am still here for you. What do you need today?"

The above are examples of advice.  You have expectations that need a checkup for fantasy verses reality.  Different parts of you, like the inner adolescent, react to people. 

You remember how you acted when you were an adolescent and someone gave you advice.  You remember your needs and thoughts were different then, more black and white and demanding, like a tantrum at times. 

Check in with yourself and see who needs what.  Is the adult getting the final check or is the younger self running the room?   You might benefit from hearing both inner voices.  "You always want it your way and I don't get anything."  "I want you to....   I need to experience something different.  I have lost faith in your words and that brings me down."

You will find the words that work for you.  Check in first to explore who you are and who that person is standing in front of you.  Pause when given advice and say, "I need to think about it.  I will call you tomorrow."

Model how you want to be spoken to and what advice opens you verses closes you.  Feelings are feelings and they may not always be your best leader.  You know what I mean.  Wounds sit in our heart and the eyes come from that place at times. 

How do you offer advice and how do you like to receive opinions?  What motivates you to shift?  When feeling angry and vulnerable, self-care. 

You will make mistakes and you will be forgiven.  Is a motivation to grow, learn, and get beyond your habits?  Some days it is and others it isn't.  I will never forget years ago when a woman in one of my support groups asked me, "HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN IT IS TIME TO LEAVE?"  My advice was, "WHEN THE PAIN IS MORE THAN THE GAIN." 

Is that true for you?

Take good care,
Natalie

Natalie Caine M.A.
Empty Nest Support Services
Life In Transition, What's Next?
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles

Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.

Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.emptynestsupport.com
www.lifeintransition.org
 
- Private Telephone Consultations
- Speaking engagements
- Support groups
- Workshops
- Mentoring
- Facebook, Linked In, Twitter

You like predictability and a path.  You got a call that stopped the familiar.  After talking about the sudden change over and over, a good thing for you, you wept. 

Part of your talking with your friends was a way of feeling that anyone would be upset with that news. 

You wanted to feel part of "normalcy" and not a misfit.  When your vulnerability gets launched without your own ignition, you go on tilt.  Who wouldn't?
When this woman and I spoke on the phone, I asked if she wanted to have a deeper conversation. 

Initially of course, she shared what she felt and feared and we began right where she needed to be.  Sometimes, you long for a deeper conversation about your life and you don't know how to begin.  

Part of what she bravely unfolded was that she feared being invisible if she weren't always on and happy.  She didn't think anyone would invite her over or be her "best friend." 
Growing is a life journey and you forget that fact.  You get stuck in the I AM AN ADULT NOW and should be all I am by now. 

Tears fall for not being "done yet," with growing.  You want life to be peaceful and happy.  
When I mentioned that to her, she was surprised to hear within herself, "that is only for monks."  "Well, may I speak with the monk inside you," I asked.   Just that thought opened her to more tears and a letting go feeling. 

You simply begin something and a door opens right there.  You can unfold your new road and take a turn that you didn't think you ever would take.

So what would be outside the box experience for you? What turn would be surprise you welcome?

Take care,
Natalie

Natalie Caine M.A.
Empty Nest Support Services
Life In Transition, What's Next?
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles

Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.

Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.emptynestsupport.com
www.lifeintransition.org
 
- Private Telephone Consultations
- Speaking engagements
- Support groups
- Workshops
- Mentoring
- Facebook, Linked In, Twitter

A woman shared with me that she was ready for a re-invention. 

She is competitive and wanted to be top in her new adventure.  We met the other part of her, as you know I talk about the orchestra of selves that live within you and want to be heard. She met the one who is ok with being ordinary.  We had a great time dialoguing with these opposites. 

Bottom line is she began small and checked in daily with the part of her that wanted to be top in her new adventure and the one who thinks ordinary is good enough.  She made a chart showing a week that reminded her to check in daily with both sides of her inner self.  She needed the accountability to stay on track with new behavior.

Today she is relieved to have spent time with the ordinary self and appreciate the go getter high achiever.  She got to know more about who she is and isn't.

Then she developed new skills to include the learning. 

Frustration of course set in and lack of confidence because she was pulling up a part of herself that went dormant from decades ago.  When she was younger, playing for the fun of playing was enough. 

When she put on her adult hat, she forgot about the playful little one within her.  Playing and ordinary days became friends.  Not accomplishing anything was so uncomfortable for her ...big pusher energy had quieted the playful one. 

A tray of sand with a bamboo stick was the practice I suggested for her in order to simply play daily at home.  

What new part of you wants to come out and possibly feed an undiscovered passion?

Natalie Caine M.A.
Empty Nest Support Services
Life In Transition, What's Next?
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles

Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.

Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.emptynestsupport.com
www.lifeintransition.org
 
- Private Telephone Consultations
- Speaking engagements
- Support groups
- Workshops
- Mentoring
- Facebook, Linked In, Twitter

Celebrate all the mothering you have given to others and that you have received over the precious years of your life.

"It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all."
--  J.K. Rowlin

Natalie Caine M.A.
Empty Nest Support Services
Life In Transition, What's Next?
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles

Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.

Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.emptynestsupport.com
www.lifeintransition.org
 
- Private Telephone Consultations
- Speaking engagements
- Support groups
- Workshops
- Mentoring
- Facebook, Linked In, Twitter

Trapped from lack of energy, meaningful relationship, financial ease, health, or having, can visit you when you thought you got past that feeling.  So not fun or fair.  

Here are some suggestions:

1. Weep and weep
2. Begin something. You get to change your mind
3. Say what you need to a trusting person and ask for help.
4. Go beyond your comfort zone
5. Play music to help you go within and be still inside.
6. Get to know more about yourself through noticing what you do in a week.

A woman in our group was truly going through sorrow.  When the evening ended, she said," Thank goodness I have this to look forward to.  I just feel part of a community now. I will be ok in time."

Hope, connection, choices, and allowing seem to get your out of a trapped feeling.

Take good care,
Natalie

"Some changes look negative on the surface but you will soon realize that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge."
― Eckhart Tolle

Natalie Caine M.A.
Empty Nest Support Services
Life In Transition, What's Next?
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles

Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.

Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.emptynestsupport.com
www.lifeintransition.org
 
- Private Telephone Consultations
- Speaking engagements
- Support groups
- Workshops
- Mentoring
- Facebook, Linked In, Twitter

Thoughts for you to ponder: 

1. Begin. Begin something. 
2. Change your mind. You are an adult now.
3. Weep when tears fill you.
4. Ask for help.  You would be a helper.
5. Look for action from people.
6. What would be outside the box for you?
7. Carry the word AND...this is true and so might that be true.
8. Delete the need to know . 
9. Begin your day with the easiest on your list .
10. Get outside now.
11. Put beauty in each room.
12.  Remind yourself, that the feelings you have won't last forever.
13. Put fun on your weekly to do list.
14. What spiritual practices would you like to add to your life?
15. What are your gifts and limitations?
16. What don't people know about you?
17. What compliments have people said to you over the years.
18. It is natural to stand tall, collapse, and stand again.
19. Life teaches you and them.  You don't have to always be the voice.
20.  What do you want me to ponder?

Natalie Caine M.A.
Empty Nest Support Services
Life In Transition, What's Next?
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles

Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.

Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.emptynestsupport.com
www.lifeintransition.org
 
- Private Telephone Consultations
- Speaking engagements
- Support groups
- Workshops
- Mentoring
- Facebook, Linked In, Twitter

Acceptance is possible when you notice that the change you wanted in someone you love isn't showing up.  No one is happy every day all day long, so that is a relief for the part of you that likes perfection and fantasy.  Here is what the people in our groups shared that boosted their happy:

1.  Shift your thinking to a positive thought verses spinning what didn't happen that you really wanted.

2. Grieve for sure, a loud or soft weeping, talk about it and nurture yourself in the disappointment. It hurts when talking can't make a change between two people.

3. Get moving, even if it is around your home, like cleaning a drawer or two or putting the clothes you haven't worn in a year in a to go donation bag.

4. Remind yourself what you do appreciate about your personality.

5. Play music at home.

6. Do something in the arts that ups your creativity.

7. Have a do nothing scheduled day and night.

8. Think about what would be outside your box and go for it.

9. Write thank you notes.

10. Go to an afternoon movie.

11. Write all that you have done that made people happy.  Make a list and read that list....It takes five minutes and your happy will be on again.

12. Cook for your neighbor.

13. Walk your neighbor's dog for them.

14.  What can you do today to feel better?

15. Remind yourself this feeling won't last forever.  It is a feeling and not a life.

16. Sit outside at a park with coffee or tea.

17.  Buy a scent like lavender or pine that you could spray to refresh.

18. Start your day doing what is fun first and then the to do list.

19. Take a half day class and see if you like it.

20. Invite someone over...one or two is a good thing.

21. Ask for help. You forget to do that and you would help someone if they asked.

22.  Get out of your neighborhood to a new one for a mini get away. 

23. Get something delivered to you, like dinner, fruit basket.

24.  Watch a U Tube of Kids playing

25.  Freshen up with a roll on scent.

26.  Plan a trip and ask a friend to plan with you.

27.  Send an email to friends asking them what makes them happy when not feeling so happy for days.

28.  What is the deeper meaning of your life besides for the roles you play?

29.  What memory from childhood makes you happy?

30.  Ask the wise part of you, within, to share what would lift your spirits today.

Happiness collapses and stands tall again and again.  You have a full range of choices, feelings, thoughts, and inner parts to you.  You simply need a reminder, a hand to hold, which includes your own, and the decision to make your life ok without having answers , yet. Weep when you feel the tears, using the softest Kleenex you can buy. 

Take good care,
Natalie

Natalie Caine M.A.
Empty Nest Support Services
Life In Transition, What's Next?
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles

Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.

Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.emptynestsupport.com
www.lifeintransition.org
 
- Private Telephone Consultations
- Speaking engagements
- Support groups
- Workshops
- Mentoring
- Facebook, Linked In, Twitter

Life transitions, whether off to college or the spinning thoughts of, now what do I do with the impact of this news, raises sleeplessness and over eating.

A single woman shared in our support group that she just can't focus or stop thinking about her financial changes.  

 Another younger woman is being pulled into the refrigerator ten times a day because the part of her that procrastinates deadlines is winning. 

A devoted mother, doesn't weep much but her fingernails have never been so chewed up because her endless to do list for high school graduation nears, her work schedule never travels a straight line, and then there is  college drop off  in August where she hugs her only child goodbye.  

Kati is a single parent, recently divorced, who jumps months ahead about being with her ex-husband during college send off for their son. 

The women and men in the groups have shared their lack of being able to let go at the end of a full day and their worries about relationships where tension is distancing fun times.

Tips For De-Stressing

1. Play music at home. Classical in the car.
2. Call someone to lift your spirits and receive a reality check.
3. Review and assess your situation, then remind yourself you are done thinking about that now. "Stop it," might be helpful to say to yourself.
4. Get outside . Plant seeds. Walk around the block.
5. THIS WON'T LAST FOREVER, can be hopeful words to shift your energy.

Stress can be helpful to put you into new behavior and action.  It won't be gone forever. Life happens.

You can have ways to support yourself through the challenging times.  Tim reads poetry before bed even when he told me he could never get into that habit, he did.

Take good care,
Natalie

Natalie Caine M.A.
Empty Nest Support Services
Life In Transition, What's Next?
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles

Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.

Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.emptynestsupport.com
www.lifeintransition.org
 
- Private Telephone Consultations
- Speaking engagements
- Support groups
- Workshops
- Mentoring
- Facebook, Linked In, Twitter

A teacher shared with me years ago, "Confusion is great."  I frowned because that made no sense.  Now it does.  Confusion takes you out of routine and what you believe to be true.  It is a choice to bring up courage and trust.  You have heard me say it before, TRUST IS EARNED.  You lose trust in yourself and others. 

Trust is not a given. You have more to lose than gain in the process of trusting because you can get hurt.  Hurt is not the end.  When you trust someone with private information and they tell your story to someone, you collapse from hurt.   You have seen where you rise again, after weeping, expressing, and grieving what you thought to be true.

Confusion swirls you.  I remember a woman shared with me that she told her sister never to tell anyone what she shared about something that happened to her in college.  Her sister told a mutual friend.  When someone breaks your trust, they need to earn it back.  You get to decide how that earning happens and how to take care of yourself in the confusion and hurt.

You leave a job, a lover, a partner, a home, or a community. Between the goodbye and the new hug, your inner doubter voice will emerge. You have an orchestra of inner voices that want air time.  The pusher, the critic, the fool, the child, etc.  

The doubter is simply a voice among your crowd within.  Rather than pushing that voice to dormancy, simply listen to what the doubter has to say and respond with, "THAT'S INTERESTING. THANK YOU. I CAN TAKE IT FROM HERE." 

You can invite the wise voice to speak with you, "OF COURSE YOU DOUBT SINCE YOU ARE IN THE UNKNOWN. KEEP GOING. MAKE NO DECISIONS ABOUT WHAT'S NEXT, YET.  ENJOY THE UNKNOWN AND THE YES'S and NO'S YOU FEEL."

Not knowing is a good thing, as is confusion.  BE WITH IT, RATHER THAN PRETENDING YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO. 

Ask for help and let your vulnerability be present.  You would be there for someone who was in the unknown. Remind yourself of times you have left what you knew. What did you learn from that experience? 

It sounds simple to say be available to yourself in the moment and yet, it isn't.  It takes practice. You lose present moment and come back... The key is to notice and come back.  No one stays present to a moment all the time.  False expectation.

When you are leaving and heading to the next, it is ok to be happy.  Happy is a choice.
You get to be happy even if your life isn't how you thought it would be.  Maybe your practice could be to accept you don't have answers yet and you are still happy with you.

Take good care,
Natalie

Natalie Caine M.A.
Empty Nest Support Services
Life In Transition, What's Next?
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles

Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.

Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.emptynestsupport.com
www.lifeintransition.org
 
- Private Telephone Consultations
- Speaking engagements
- Support groups
- Workshops
- Mentoring
- Facebook, Linked In, Twitter

Holidays like Passover and Easter bring memories and gatherings.   You know who at the table might punch your button because they don't believe in you for whatever reason.  Don't you count yourself out for happiness and success.  Leave the room for a pause, use humor, like "thanks for sharing," use a more direct line, "you think you know me and I think you don't...if you get curious about me, just let me know.

Change is a journey. It is fun to learn more about who you are and aren't if you see the journey as a learning and a time of practicing compassion.

Some days you will be kind to yourself or critical.  The hope is you notice and not let anything ruin your day, which means don't spin the experience over and over like a hamster. Get off that wheel of negativity. You could say, "STOP IT. DON'T THINK ABOUT THAT, AGAIN."

Words don't often stick when you have a conversation with someone who is "just not into you."  Action like moving away or putting your hand up like a stop-sign might help in the moment.

This week I have gotten calls from clients about how to handle the ongoing gatherings that are sometimes disappointing due to buttons getting pushed.   Expectations need a review before you open the front door.  Check in with who you are now and how some want you to be who you were last year or even last month.   I love the lines, "We disagree.  We can drop that now and have a fun time here."

Find an object, back yard, pet, or something that you can look to in the moment that shifts the negative energy.  Maybe there is a table decoration, flowers,  a bunny, or stacked matzo, that you can really look at in detail. This is a way to not give attention to a downhill roll.

Happy Spring and Freedom,
Natalie

Natalie Caine M.A.
Empty Nest Support Services
Life In Transition, What's Next?
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles

Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.

Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.emptynestsupport.com
www.lifeintransition.org
 
- Private Telephone Consultations
- Speaking engagements
- Support groups
- Workshops
- Mentoring
- Facebook, Linked In, Twitter