with Natalie caine


Blog

Seven Tools for Finding a New ‘You’ in Retirement

April 10, 2014 | by lheidel | No Comments

wsj-7toolsAs one of the Wall Street Journal Experts, Natalie’s blog was originally published at blogs.wsj.com.

NATALIE CAINE: I was hiking uphill, early this morning, and met a woman on the path. We briefly chatted. As I continued my hike, I heard her voice in my head, “I am 76 and started hiking at 62. It makes life worth it. This summer, I am going to try biking at the beach.” Now she becomes a role model for me and gets me excited about possibilities.

I think when you are heading toward retirement or sitting in it, you can practice shifting the different voices in your head. For example, there’s the voice from your younger self that you hear, “Oh man, you are 40, that is really old”–and, of course, you are way past that age now and don’t feel old. Or there are the voices you hear in present time, such as, “I will be so bored after a few months and my life will just be invisible.”

Your new job is to hear those inner messages and make choices. “No, I am not 40 and I am not feeling old” or “Yes, I might have boring days and I can figure out what I want to do about that.”

Changes can give you a new view of you. You are in the unknown and that can be both exciting and terrifying. Delete the need to compare yourself to others.

Here are a few tools:

  1. What new meaning, beyond being the worker bee, is possible for you? (For example, being a positive role model.)
  2. Who within had to go dormant because of your work life that now wants to emerge? (For example, the artist, the sailor, the chef.)
  3. What new resources do you want to cultivate in your inner world and outer world in order to head in a direction that makes you happy? (For example, spiritual practices and taking a class.)
  4. Remind yourself you get to change your mind. When you know that, you will make fun choices.
  5. Believe in yourself. I know that sounds ridiculous and I also know you forget to be a best friend to you. You have never been at this crossroad of your life, so how can you have all of the maps together?
  6. Accept that your life will have challenges and joys. Savor the moments. Ask for help.
  7. Check in with your expectations, “Oh I should have more friends than I do. Oh, I should figure it all out before hand.”

Your new chapter, called “Me beyond work life,” is fed by exploring what really matters to you now. Health, family, friends, creativity, spontaneity, joy, spirituality, etc. You can have more than one and you can change your mind. Life continues to be a journey, not a one-answer response. You get to be the role model you want to be. If you have people who motivate you, as far as how enriching their lives continue to be after retirement, post them on your refrigerator, even if it is their name.

Today on my refrigerator is the name of the woman (Katherine) who I met on my hike, along with a big happy face.

Staying Inspired During Challenges

March 10, 2014 | by Natalie Caine | No Comments

Wall_7220How do you keep going when you are sitting in challenges?

Here are some suggestions:

  1. 1. Call someone you trust. Ask them if you can POUR your heart out.
  2. 2. What do you think a dear friend would do if they were in your shoes?
  3. 3. Exercise. Get outside and walk noticing what is in FRONT of you as you walk.
  4. 4. Trust, “this too shall pass.”
  5. 5. Give yourself simple PLEASURES, like movie day, at home and ordering in food.
  6. 6. DOODLE
  7. 7. Read quotations or STORIES that are uplifting.
  8. 8. There is always someone in a better place than you and in a worse. DELETE your need to compare.
  9. 9. Make friends with the UNKNOWN, rather than spinning to make a solution. ” I don’t know right now and soon, clarity will come. I am still ok when I just don’t know.”
  10. 10. BEGIN something and if you aren’t into it, you get to change your mind.
  11. 11. Be CURIOUS about the bigger picture of the situation.
  12. 12. Choose a SPIRITUAL practice and do it.  Look at the flame of a lit candle, practicing present moment.
  13. 13. Write down what you appreciate about yourself RIGHT now.
  14. 14. Remind yourself that you have been in challenges before and remember one and how that shifted.
  15. 15. You aren’t ALONE.

Grieving is never top on anyone’s choice list.  I remember a woman saying, “OMG, this has been the worst month of my life.  So many losses and disappointments with people I thought would be there for me. I am in so much pain and anxiety.”  Long story short, two things that helped her were: to email me in the morning, sharing three thoughts right in that moment, and two was to weep and weep whenever and wherever, with no judgment or interpretations.

Another woman was dealing with being solo and her only child heading to college.  She felt like she had to smile for her daughter, and inside she was heartbroken.  I suggested she share with her daughter, that she will cry and her daughter doesn’t have to do anything about that.  They are feelings, not a big problem to solve now.  That helped her. Loneliness is part of transitions. Who wouldn’t be sad saying,” see ya later”, to someone you deeply adore.

When a woman shared that she dreaded going to work because she felt unseen and underappreciated, just saying what was going on, reduced some anxiety. She could begin to look at different parts of herself and different choices.

Challenges happen over and over. Gather tools.  Go within. Ask in the inner world for some support, as well as, in the outer world.

Take good care, Natalie

Natalie Caine M.A.

Life In Transition, What’s Next?

(800) 446-3310 or (310) 454-0040 Los Angeles

Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, Wall Street Journal, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.

Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.

www.lifeintransition.org

  • Private Telephone Consultations
  •  Speaking engagements
  • Support groups
  • Workshops
  • Mentoring
  • Facebook, Linked In, Twitter

 

Jump For Joy

March 6, 2014 | by Natalie Caine | No Comments

Flower_Meadow_5006

During one of my presentations with women, the theme was jump for joy.  I suggested they go home, take a photo, or bring an object that gives them joy or reminds them of joy or do something creative, like a poem, art piece, food, clothing, collection, etc.  You get the idea.

 

I am sharing this with you because we had so much fun. I want to pass the idea to you.  Even if you are not in a group, or don’t have friends that want to join in, do it for YOURSELF.  There is much more to the story of where we went from there, but I wanted to suggest you BEGIN.

1. What makes you jump for joy? 2. Who brings you joy? 3. What can you do to add more joy to your week? 4. What support do you need to make that happen?

Let me know how it goes for you.

Have fun,

Natalie

Natalie Caine M.A.

Life In Transition, What’s Next?

(800) 446-3310 or (310) 454-0040 Los Angeles

Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, Wall Street Journal, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.

Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.

www.lifeintransition.org

- Private Telephone Consultations

- Speaking engagements

- Support groups

- Workshops

- Mentoring

- Facebook, Linked In, Twitter

I DID IT

February 27, 2014 | by Natalie Caine | No Comments

Meadow_4968

In one of our groups, we chose that theme for the week.

It became a practice, daily.

I DID IT.

 

The intention was to focus on the greatness in you and something you did that mattered to you, even if uncomfortable. Each evening I asked them to write down a positive view of themselves and then something they were going to do the next day or during the week.  Life happens. Schedules change.

Here’s a short list of happy I DID IT stories:

  1. Up at 5:30, out the door for a hill walk, not the flats
  2. A letter to a friend telling her how she inspires me
  3. A call to a company to pitch an idea she wanted to present
  4. Reading to kids at the local library
  5. Taking a yoga class even if she couldn’t keep up with the others in the class
  6. Getting an assistant three times a week
  7. Planning a solo road trip to see the whales
  8. Telling her partner what challenges her with him and asking for his help
  9. Meditating three times a week.
  10. Taking flying lessons
  11. Going out for coffee on a date (she asked him out)
  12. Taking biking lessons
  13. Making art
  14. Inviting four friends over for brunch
  15. Getting back into her acting classes

Everyone felt so great. What would you say that you felt good about within yourself and what are you wanting to do and then be able to say, I DID IT?

Have fun discovering new parts of yourself and share it, Natalie

Natalie Caine M.A.

Life In Transition, What’s Next?

www.lifeintransition.org

(800) 446-3310 or (310) 454-0040 Los Angeles

Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, Wall Street Journal, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.

Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.

 

- Private Telephone Consultations

- Speaking engagements

- Support groups

- Workshops

- Mentoring

- Facebook, Linked In, Twitter

 

Friendship

January 27, 2014 | by Natalie Caine | No Comments

Skyline_Sunset_0035.jpgI often hear, as do you, about the lack of support and community people have today.  Tears fall from loneliness. You feel invisible. You just want a few friends you can have fun with and trust.

I remember a group of women sharing with me that they feel embarrassed to talk about not having good friends.  They no longer connect with the friends they have had. It feels like they are going through a friendship divorce.  The biggest complaint I hear is that one feels they are initiating more than the other and then they feel forgotten when the other person doesn’t email or pick up the phone to extend to them.
Read More

Focus

January 23, 2014 | by Natalie Caine | No Comments

Ocean_Sunrise_0936.jpgFebruary is around the corner. I think it is fun to choose a focus for the month.

Yes, LOVE is always a great focus.  What do you love about YOUR life today?  Is it your SMILE you give to others, your ease at SHIFTING when you have a disappointment, or is it your CURIOSITY that keeps you moving forward, rather than whirling about the past?

What is it you love about YOU?  Begin with that list.

Read More

Trying to Start a Second Career? Take Your Time.

January 17, 2014 | by Natalie Caine | No Comments

Natalie’s article as a Wall Street Journal Expert

What’s the biggest mistake people make when it comes to starting a second career?

NATALIE CAINE: Deciding what career to launch next is like deciding to date again. You wouldn’t start your date in the bedroom would you? If more than a night mattered to you, you would get to know each other first through common interests, attraction, values, gifts and challenges, etc.

Read More

Courage

January 10, 2014 | by Natalie Caine | No Comments

Cave_P1000507.jpg
A woman shared with me that her courage evaporated. She had been betrayed, thrown under the bus, as she calls it, by another woman at work. She was shocked.

There was no warning for this behavior, or was there.  As she continued to share the story, she discovered the woman had been controlling in not asking her questions but telling her how to be when her role was not THE BOSS of her.

Read More

Obsessed

January 9, 2014 | by Natalie Caine | No Comments

Pink_Flowers_4322.jpgMen and women have been sharing their list with me, “What Positive Obsessions Do You Have?”

Read More

How to Find the Yin to Your Partner’s Retirement Yang

December 13, 2013 | by Natalie Caine | No Comments

wall street journal

As one of the Wall Street Journal Experts, Natalie’s blog was published earlier this week;

What’s the biggest source of friction between spouses/partners in later life?

NATALIE CAINE: Not a surprise and yet so frustrating, are conflicts between one wanting to downsize and begin new adventures, and the other not wanting to change a thing. One wants to have a new career and the other thinks it is too late. One wants to go back to school for a new creative interest, the other says, “I don’t think you can make that happen.” One wants sex, the other is too tired or bored in the bedroom. One wants to make a “bucket list,” and the other feels their bucket is already too full. One wants new friends, the other doesn’t get why. One wants… the other has no interest in…. What to do?

How do you make shifts with your spouse/partners? One thing you might be doing is setting goals for the new year and keeping each other accountable. A different way of making choices is to set your feelings. Give your feelings airtime, “feel happier, so I need to be more positive and less critical.”

Read More

What Shifted The Direction of Your Life?

December 12, 2013 | by Natalie Caine | No Comments

Chairs_in_Woods-01982.jpgWas it falling in love, a teacher who believed in you, a trauma, a pet, a book, a meditation, etc.?

Your experiences are fun to share. Recall memories.  Share with others.  As people gather over the holidays or even if you are going solo this year, share memories with yourself.

We forget to spend time in the good of life.

Read More

How Are You Warm and Welcoming?

November 20, 2013 | by Natalie Caine | No Comments

Flowers_Opening_2003.jpgThanksgiving and holiday time brings out the shine, goodies and beauty, as well as, my black stretch pants.   I love the holidays for its anticipation, creativity, memories of loved ones, sentiments, and new traditions.

When we travel and gather, like a decorated room, we mix and match.  We move our life around, like chairs, and hope for comfort and connection.

I know holidays also bring expectations and disappointments from the mundane, like the turkey isn’t done yet, to the forgotten biscuits and the tasteless gravy.  Mistakes happen.  Tiredness sets in.  Feelings of being unseen.  Weeping for what was.  And, of course, the hope for leftover turkey and stuffing sandwiches. Expectations, part of being human. You can keep awareness that might sound like this, “well, that is unrealistic that she is going to……  that they will…… “You can also ask for what you need in the moment, “Can someone move those chairs and come in the kitchen to dice?”

Read More

Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org | 10061 Riverside Dr., Suite 1002 Toluca Lake, CA 91602 | 800-446-3310