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From limelight to leisure, David Letterman’s next shift

July 28, 2015 | by Natalie Caine | No Comments

Letterman

By David Lindquist, IndyStar.com | Read the Entire Article Here

But it won’t be surprising if Letterman second-guesses his decision to exit the airwaves, said Natalie Caine, a California-based consultant to retirees from the worlds of acting and politics.

Similar to anyone entering retirement, Letterman is letting go of his career identity, daily routine, workplace support network and camaraderie of colleagues.

Setting him apart from other retirees are traits, for better or worse, that accompanied his rise to the top.

Known to be a harsh self-critic, Letterman lives for making the show but fully expects that things will go wrong. When things go right, the show has been his one reliable gauge of positive feedback.

Now, suddenly, yank.

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Someone Believes in You

May 13, 2015 | by Natalie Caine | One Comment

Sunset2-1Graduation, wedding, new job, parenting, grand-parenting, re-locating, new day, all happy changes. Behind your smiles and raised glasses are people standing for you.

They believe in you. They give to you because they want you to feel that you matter.  They want you to have bricks under your feet. They want you to feel hugged.

Sunset3-1We forget to visit happy memories as moon light to help you stand, over and over when you collapse, and when you simply love life.  They know you will doubt, fear, cry, freeze, and beam all through your life.  They want you to remember what they whispered or showed you. They want you to pause and feel those supported moments.  Those moments are within you.  Call on them. Thank them. Pass on what you know has helped you.

Whether they are here or gone, you stand with precious memories, as do they.

Someone believes in you.  How do you want to appreciate you and them?  Pause , daily check in with you, and begin.

Congratulations and take good care,
Natalie

 

Sunset-1
Natalie Caine M.A.
http://lifeintransition.org/
(310) 454-0040
Los Angeles, CA

“Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.”

Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, Wall Street Journal, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post and more…

 

 

Welcome

April 9, 2015 | by Natalie Caine | 2 Comments

The joy of being outside lifts creativity easily seeds calmness that may have felt buried for months. Welcome!

Relax_With_Nature_4-9-2015d

I shared my new photography collage piece with a group of women while supporting them to dive deeper within themselves.

With their permission, here are a few of their depths.

1. I can’t forgive because then I have to move forward with her. I have to then move forward with me.
2. I thought I wouldn’t miss my kids so much. I do.  I feel weak for not, “having a life.”  I distract myself too much with nonsense.
3. Love is action. I know. I know.  Where am I called to give my love?  Where?
4. I spin on one channel. I don’t know how to stop unless you hold my hand.
5. I judge me daily in the hopes it will motivate me.  It crashes me. I see that now.
6. I need to have answers before I commit. I have been burned over and over with fantasy. I want a solid plan.
7. Can I buy your collage?  Is that a deep dive?  My humor gets me through my illness that is unpredictable.
8. I adore my solo time and have to watch to not hibernate too much. Safe. Unknown makes me shy.
9. I put that photo on my wall and that week I got the call I wanted. Sure, I had been waiting a long long time, and I got the call. The wait is in the past. The road is wide open now and I am going to travel it with gratitude and some fear. I have never worked there before. I am putting my wise one from within in the passenger seat.

There were many sweet, touching SPRING shares.

I hope you are finding time to be in nature and to meet new parts of you that had to go dormant.

Who wants to come out and play, and be connected with others?  How can you step towards that this week?

Natalie Caine M.A.

www.lifeintransition.org
(310) 454-0040
Los Angeles, CA

“Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.”

Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, Wall Street Journal, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post and more…

How to Deal with Regret

March 23, 2015 | by Natalie Caine | No Comments

experts

As one of the Wall Street Journal Experts, Natalie’s blog was originally published at blogs.wsj.com.

NATALIE CAINE: When heading toward retirement or sitting in this stage of life, doubts and regrets inevitably visit. It can be a painful time. But it’s also the perfect time to dig deeper, to find out more about yourself – and come out happier and more content for it.

One of the most common questions I am asked by people close to retirement, or already retired, is, “why at times do I feel so off or unhappy when this is a good time in my life?”  From my experience, the answer is often this: You didn’t have the opportunity to explore what didn’t come into your life nor have you given yourself permission to grieve about what you haven’t accomplished.

A woman, for instance, shared with me that she thought she would be re-married.  Another believed her finances would be stronger than they were: She had planned so well – but didn’t see it coming that she would lose her job. She regretted that five years earlier, she had wanted to leave that company, but hadn’t.   Another talked about how strong he was during a cycle of illness, but hadn’t allowed himself to feel or talk about the financial loss because he wanted to keep positive. A couple thought they would be grandparents and that was nowhere in sight. They never imagined not being able to have those little ones spend the night and wake up for play days with granny and poppy.

All of them would sit on the surface of these pains.  Some had decided to simply push through the pain. Others talked about not crying over spilt milk.  Others expressed that so many people have it worse.

What was absent from all these people was the deeper dive into heart and tears, into the pain that was there but barely acknowledged. They wanted tools to dive deeper. Here are some of the tools that I’ve found useful. Not to dwell on the grief, but to at least acknowledge it before moving on.

Practices to Move Forward:

1.     Take a walk in nature and have a conversation with yourself, ” I forgot to…., I thought about and didn’t….I hoped by now I would have…” Pause along your walk. When you feel something from within.  Take it in.

2.     Write.  Writing integrates your thoughts and surprises you when you simply begin to write.  The act of writing takes you where you may not have been able to go by verbal conversation. “I feel badly that I never did….. I took this road and now looking again, I wish I had….. I want my younger self to know that……  I want my older than today self to see that..”

3.     Grieve.  Allow your tears to fall.  If you aren’t able to access those feelings, put on music that might induce sadness.

4.     Make the call. If there is someone on your mind, call and express the regret. Call up your courage. The anxiety is worse than the reality of the action.

5.     If there isn’t a way to call the person, visualize them, or meditate and imagine what you want to say.  Create a safe space in your imagination to express yourself.  You will feel better.

6.     Sometimes we can’t name the regret. We feel something.  Ask in whatever way you ask for help, to release what is causing you sadness, immobility at times, depression. If you know the disappointments and regrets, ask yourself for help with letting them go now.

7.     Remind yourself that life is complex and a mystery.   Certain parts of you are more available to you than others – for example, the doer vs. the playful side.   This is true for everyone.  So try a little tenderness. Invite another part of you to come forward.  Wait. Listen. Sense a response.  You may want to try this more than once in a day.

8.     Remind yourself that you do what you can to have a peaceful life and yet, life happens, unexpected changes come.  Give yourself permission to grieve what didn’t arrive or decisions you made that now you doubt.  Sometimes a blossom is not visible, but roots are growing.  Check in with how life really is for today is being able to appreciate yourself and others.

As time moves forward, your life asks for more reflection. Become an observer of your life rather than a critic.  Practice taking yourself lightly forward and keep digging in the dirt for your treasures.

 

Natalie Caine (@NatalieCaine) is the owner of Empty Nest Support Services and Life in Transition.

If You Want To Love Me, I Need You To Know My History

March 17, 2015 | by Natalie Caine | One Comment

Trees_in_Forest_1070601

With the permission of the group and not revealing any names, I share with you:

In our woman’s group, we began with that sentence.  Each woman wrote a line and passed it around the table, adding on, not stopping to read.  Kleenex on the table, white unscented tall candle lit, circled by yellow daffodils, chocolate mints and apricots in bowls, coffee and tea.   The paper moved quickly in the beginning…

1. I am an only child who walks with crippling perfectionism.
2. I am an over doer, little feelings for me. Just keep me busy.
3. I was married five times.  I am not a failure.
4. I had an abortion. No regrets
5. I drank for fun. Still seeking fun.
6. I never really loved my partner for more than two years. Should have left. Feared being lonely. I was only 28.
7. My parents slept in separate bedrooms. Why?
8. My brother could do no wrong.
9. I let boys kiss me.
10. I was such a good girl that now I want to be bad, a little bad.
11. I always wanted to make a difference in the world and instead chose to be home with our kids.
12. I feared God.
13. I change my outfits way too many times before I get out the door.
14. I get anxious when I go to work.
15. I survived a life threatening illness when I was very young.
16. My parents divorced and I don’t know why.
17. I just didn’t feel like anyone knew me.
18. I wasn’t smart so I kept quiet.
19. I wasted my college years.
20. I never had that true best friend.

Meadow_View_1070711As the book of papers rounded, again, the room got quieter.  The pauses were longer.  No reading.  Writing only.

• I was a couch potato and hate that no one in my family encouraged me to get outside and move. Bad habits are hard to change. There I said it, I blame them.
• I always had to do more chores than anyone else.  Don’t get that. Now I want others to do for me. Take care of me. Don’t yell at me.
• I was never chosen to be on any teams. Insecure about belonging.
• I was the leader right after college.  Could someone else take the lead?
• I don’t understand why people don’t invite me over. Why don’t they call after we have been together? Sick of it.
• I get too many ideas and never really get going with any because I want a winner first. I’ve been burned with collaborating.
• I just have trouble trusting that it is worth it.
• I get caught in comparing myself to others.  Not just looks, everything in life.  I drive myself crazy sometimes.
• My kids aren’t as nice as I wish they would be. I wasn’t either as a kid, nice so much. I was needy and dramatic.
• I have always been a really hard worker and still I don’t feel special.
• I was raped in my twenties and only told my room mate. I don’t like to remember.
• Parenting is exhausting because they seem to never get unselfish.
• I go back because it is too frightening to go forward. I know he won’t rise up and say, I love you so much. I will do anything. You have done so much for me.
• Someone poisoned my dog. I just can’t get another pet.
• I don’t like being older because my body is slower and unpredictable with pains.  I don’t talk about it.
• I pretend I like eating alone.
• I worry about my kid because she isn’t dating.

There were more vulnerable words. Some may not sound like their HISTORY and to them, it is THEIR HISTORY.  It is theirs to be responded to. They want you to KNOW them.  They want to know THEMSELVES better.

I read them out loud when we finished.  If someone wanted to STAND because they felt that too or wrote that, they could. HUG time.  Then we all talked and added some WISDOM and CONDOLENCES.

Red_Flower_1080096One of my favorite things is gathering for SUPPORT.  Diving a little DEEPER in our CONVERSATIONS, sharing food, and feeling we BELONG.  I honestly feel honored that they allow me to facilitate their circles and be a part of their lives. Don’t we all want meaning in life no matter what our age is!

Stay connected and take care,
Natalie

 

 

Natalie Caine M.A.

Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (310) 454-0040
Los Angeles

Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, Wall Street Journal, MariaShriver.com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.

Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.

www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com

– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
Facebook, Linked In, Twitter

 

Spring Break

March 16, 2015 | by Natalie Caine | No Comments

Flower_P1190372Whether you are a first time parent of a college student or experienced, you are planning their favorite meals and watching the clock, hoping their plane or car arrives on time. All together again and finally seeing their faces!

I remember a group of college kids shared with me that they have been so stressed with exams, and social life. What they want when they get home is SLEEP and good food.

They are excited to see their family and friends.  They aren’t looking forward to being asked a lot of questions or schedules of what parents think they should be doing while home.

They wonder if their home town, old high school relationships, are the same or different now that all of them have been away at college. They also feel the competition.
One shared his stress is that his parents would nag about his gaining weight.  He is a stress eater. Another worried her grades would be criticized and her “lack of decision making about career,” would cause fights.

Texture2Parents shared that they know they ask too many questions and just can’t seem to stop themselves.  They laughed and said, “we will do something stupid like saying, put on a sweater; it gets cold later,” when they know their kids don’t need a mommy telling them how to dress.  Parents want time with their kids and their kids want time with their friends, as well.

Unrealistic expectations need a reality check.  You know who you are and you know your kids. You forget to check in with what punches your buttons and theirs until after the fall.   Who doesn’t want a happy vacation and time together rather than remembering the arguments? Differences will be on display.   I AM SORRY. REALLY I AM… I SEE IT NOW.  I WISH I HAD DONE THAT DIFFERENTLY WITH YOU TODAY. SORRY.

Siblings want attention.  Pets want to play. It is an active house. You love that vibrant energy!

As it gets closer to hugging GOODBYE, and the break ends, little arguments arrive. “I didn’t ask you to do all that work for me while I was home. You wanted to do it.  Well, true, and I just wanted you to show a little thanks and clean your room before you left.” Separation anxiety has uninvitedly arrived.

One parent shared with me that she could hear in her head, “wait , wait, just one more hug, just one more thing, as she followed her daughter out the door, and at the same time, she knew she was over spent from being MOM and that she was ready for some quiet time.
During our support group, I had the parents talk about the scenarios in their heads about their kids coming home and the goodbye scenes. Awareness.  It is comforting for parents to be with other parents and not feel alone on this changing role journey.

Kids forget to say how much they appreciate and love their parents. They do.  Parents forget to trust their kids, to honor their style of connecting with them. Parents have a hard time putting the TEACHER hat in the basement. It isn’t easy to shift a role that they have happily played for years.  They are aware that it is time to let THE KIDS lead and for them to take the observer role more often.

Sunset2Change. It isn’t easy and it is inevitable.

I still remember practicing my new role during SPRING BREAK and just feeling it be a little too tight, if you know what I mean.    A parent is a parent.   You will make mistakes at every age of your kids’ life.  Your kids will make mistakes with you.  All of you will have those happy moments at the table and those rolling of the eyes.  You wouldn’t PASS on being FAMILY.  Kids are some of your BEST LIFE TEACHERS and you hope you are for them, as well.

Enjoy the gathering and plan something nurturing for yourself after you WAVE GOODBYE.  Love is rooted.

Take good care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.

Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (310) 454-0040
Los Angeles

Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, Wall Street Journal, MariaShriver.com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.

Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.

www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com

– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
Facebook, Linked In, Twitter

 

A Reminder

February 26, 2015 | by Natalie Caine | No Comments

Ocean_Glow_1130009 Who doesn’t have habits they wish they could magically end and move into more peace and happiness?  All of us have parts like the critic, the pusher, the judge, the punisher, the victim, the better than,   that are annoying for us and others.

 

In my breakfast support group, I shared suggestions for what to do when stuck in a habit and how to unglue yourself:

 

1. See it and wave it goodbye.  Like telling yourself, “sorry you are here, but I am not into you.” (the part of you that is defensive towards others).

2. Focus on something else, so you don’t spin and spin on a “mistake.” (Sorry gets tuned out when there is no action)

3. Write a reminder by your computer, “Do more fun.” (When you are happy, you are more tolerant)

4.  Bravely, say out loud, STOP IT NOW. (no need to analyze, again, that same behavior popping up… just say STOP to yourself)

5.  Get your creative back. (allow the range of your creativity to surface, it is there, invite it to arrive).

Meadow_Storm_1100788

 

 

I AM GOOD AT….
I LOVE TO….
I BELIEVE IN…..

 

 

You forget with all the chaos and complexity of  your life, that you are a treasure.

Take good care,
Natalie

• Invite Natalie to your community. Call for information.
• Visit her websites for free stories and lists of tips.
• Change happens over and over. Get support.

 
Natalie Caine M.A.

Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (310) 454-0040
Los Angeles

Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, Wall Street Journal, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.

Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.

www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com

– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
Facebook, Linked In, Twitter

 

Thoughts From Our Support Group

February 24, 2015 | by Natalie Caine | 2 Comments

Trees_1180814When women gather and share, they leave uplifted, and with new tools to implement.
When women gather, they have a place of belonging and a place to add meaning for others.  When women gather, they change what they want to change and appreciate what they love about themselves.

I have been facilitating support groups since the 80’s and can still hear the voices of those women and the women today wondering , what is happening, what can I do, where do I fit in, etc.?  Curiosity keeps your fire lit. Support makes the road more scenic.

Decorated_Plank_9963Below are a few tips and shares:

1. Make time to meditate for 20 minutes, whether silent walks or sitting in a comfy chair or bed. Empty your thoughts and receive open space for something to arrive. Ask for guidance.  Ask for a message.  Practice meditating.
“It is fascinating to see the brain’s plasticity and that, by practicing meditation, we can play an active role in changing the brain and can increase our well-being and quality of life,” says Britta Hölzel, first author of the paper and a research fellow at MGH and Giessen University in Germany. “Other studies in different patient populations have shown that meditation can make significant improvements in a variety of symptoms, and we are now investigating the underlying mechanisms in the brain that facilitate this change.”

2. Continue to grow in self-awareness and compassion. Ask YOURSELF throughout the day, “How am I doing? What do I need today? Who did I forget to love?

Ocean_Glow_11209473. WORRY, catch yourself worrying about your family, your work, yourself, etc., and say,” I have no control over…. I need to FOCUS back on….. I am building through awareness of my thoughts. Self-trust feeds me in remembering: I CAN HANDLE what comes my way.  I CAN get support as needed. I have been ok at other times of stress because I implemented what works for me and dropped what distracts and depletes me.  I have a good tool box and do need to add a few new tools.

4. Read something new each day which you can google on the computer or a book from the LIBRARY.  Stimulate your thoughts. Reduce your spinning hamster on the wheel behavior.

5. Throw yourself into something you love doing. Do what you LOVE, as often as possible. FEED your happiness.

6. Each month, choose one thing that has been on your to do list and get it OFF the list. You know what has been NAGGING at you.

7. Gather a support team.  What KIND of support do you need, physically, mentally, and spiritually?  Start your RESEARCH. Make phone interviews. WRITE down your list of support and keep it nearby.

8. Change happens when you BEGIN.  BEGIN!

9. Plan FUN TIME for yourself weekly.  Just DO it.  Does that mean a meaningful conversation with someone?  A walk in nature? A massage?  Having a gathering?   A lay on the floor at home and listen to music? A day workshop to uplift you?  A visit to a new part of your city? Taking a class?  Going to the movies?  What is fun for you?  Make a list and look at it daily.

10. It is NEVER too late to build your wellness and LOVE the life you have. You can keep your dreams moving forward.  ASK FOR HELP.  No one wants to journey alone.

Sunset_1170896Take good care,
Natalie

Natalie Caine M.A.

Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (310) 454-0040
Los Angeles

Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, Wall Street Journal, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.

Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.

www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com

– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
Facebook, Linked In, Twitter

 

Navigating the Unknown at the Golden Door, April 26 – May 2, 2015

February 19, 2015 | by lheidel | No Comments

Presenting: Navigating the Unknown with Natalie Caine M.A. at the Golden Door, San Diego April 26- May 2, 2015

To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best day and night to make you everybody else, means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight, and never stop fighting.
~ e.e. cummings

goldendoor1

The photo is one of the many stunning pathways at THE GOLDEN DOOR that I shot while on an early morning hike.

goldendoor2I am so excited to be returning for a week to present Navigating the Unknown. Whether expected or unexpected changes, transitions are an opportunity to pause and see a view from different angles.

It is a gentle time to learn more about who you are and who you are not. From that discovery, you begin to gather both inner and outer resources in order to step forward.

Transitions include divorce, finding meaning, new career, empty nest, parenting, retirement, care-taking parents, re-locating, marriage, illness to wellness, and more.

I remember a woman sharing with me during our question and answer session that her life was OK and yet she felt bored and unsatisfied. She asked, “How do I figure out what to do so that I have a community and a sense of being alive again?”

Another woman was walking the grief of losing her husband, while another wasn’t sure if she wanted to stay or leave her marriage.

There were so many questions about different cycles of life. It is a safe place to be nurtured and supported.

goldendoor3Here is the link, Golden Door/Women’s Weeks, so you can read more about the week and visit their website. They offer short stays, as well as, a full week. While I am there for the week, I am also available for private sessions.

The Golden Door is near San Diego. You are welcome to call them about this Women’s Week, Sunday April 26 – May 2,
telephone (866)-420-6414

Learn how the Golden Door has been a leader in destination spas for over 50 years READ HERE

I hope your New Year is unfolding in support, wellness, and creative moments.

Take good care,
Natalie
natalie@lifeintransition.org
www.lifeintransition.org

You Will Find A Way

February 4, 2015 | by Natalie Caine | No Comments

Path_Bridge_2000  Decisions. I don’t think any of us took classes in how to choose. A woman called me in tears about a challenging time of her life.  Unexpected changes arrived. Her tolerance for her husband’s behavior made her pack her bags.  Then she put the black suitcase back in their closet.

Her immediate response to her pain was to get out.   She was tired of talking about it with him and with herself.  Change wasn’t really sticking. He would say the same thing over and over to her with a big big I AM SORRY.

She felt hurt too many times.  She felt like him unavailable.  She walked on shattered glass, defeated from trying different ways to impact her needs.

She loved him or wondered if it was love.  She knew hope was tossed in a locked closet.   All the losses she would hold by leaving, were laid out on the bed.   She said she needed to get away from unchanged behavior. She needed to be loved in kindness. She needed him to grow up. She needed him to PARTICIPATE in what she called, HER style and not only his.   She longed for him to show change and go beyond,” I am sorry.”

What to do? Stay or go?

Steps_1665Decisions.  In living my own CONFLICTS and being privileged to speak with many men and women struggling with pain and lost positive impact when expressing themselves, I empathize with the DERAILMENT caused by not knowing what to do and not having answers to WHY? WHAT NOW?

Here is one way that I feel helps when making a decision:

PAUSE over and over.  Step out of the room of rage, pain and tears.  Comfort yourself by saying, “I know I have been through this so many times and I know how much I feel deeply hurt. I know I cannot change this person.  I know I know.  I am going to be ok.  I can make choices. I can get help. I am not TRAPPED.  I just have so much to lose that I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to start over.  MOSTLY, I want to remember that I don’t want to be this MEAN PART OF ME as a way to protect myself and defend myself.  I don’t want the WORST PARTS of me to express more than the BETTER PARTS of me. I don’t like me that way.

Floral_Wall_1618Thank goodness I am in touch with more than two parts of me.  Thank goodness I am aware of the button that gets ripped off my shirt when he acts NUMB or righteous.  I KNOW THAT PART OF ME.  I know how I shut down and then attack.  My fear makes me so ANXIOUS.  My hurt makes me want to throw a PLATE across the room.  I know. I know.  Still I have more to me than that rage and hurt.

I don’t know that he does. I don’t know that he has been taught and integrated making a PLAN for change.  That is NOT MY FOCUS.  Mine is to know me, COMFORT me, say what is, and PAUSE. I don’t have to know all the WHY’S of behaviors.  Honestly, I don’t really know.  I just spend time unfolding more of me, PAUSE and respond to my sorting of HISTORY, THOUGHTS, AND FEELINGS.  COMPLEX for sure.  In the past, life has shown me what decision to make. SOMETHING always buckles me into my own SAFETY and from there, I wheel down the road.

I am able to FEEL and THINK in a full range.  I TRUST I am able to handle my decision when clarity sits in my driver’s seat.  I will still WEEP.  I will still have a doubter ringing in my ear.  I will still have a speaker saying, “try again, give it a little more time, there is so much good here, there is so much to lose, you can make this work, you can live with this and just get some goodies from your friends, you don’t want to quit , again, you don’t want a failure, again, you don’t want to do all the work to leave.”

When you hold more than one awareness of who you are and who you are not, decisions become a little easier to expose. SAY WHAT IS:  Today, I just don’t have to take any action because I am ok with uncertainty. Right now I am fine.

PAUSE. PAUSE. PAUSE.  Go WITHIN and ask for HELP with PATIENCE, CLARITY, AND COMFORT.  You will know when it is time to buckle up and slowly drive down the road.

You are not ALONE. You will not be “punished” for your decision.  You will be feeling the sorrow of a dream that didn’t wake you to a walk together, side by side.  You woke to a quake. You heard the night message that whispered, “YOU HAVE GONE AS FAR AS YOU CAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP. NOW IT IS TIME TO APPRECIATE WHAT WAS AND GENTLY MOVE AWAY.

YOU DID NOT FAIL.  YOU DID NOT BAIL.  BE KIND TO YOURSELF. WHAT YOU HAD WAS REAL. TODAY, the winds have turned you and landed you with a new view. NO INTERPRETATION of what you see.  SIMPLY NOTICE.
YOU DO KNOW WHAT TO DO.  GO AT YOUR OWN PACE and not that of others.  YOU ARE NOT ALONE.  ALLOW YOURSELF TO COLLAPSE AND RISE UP OVER AND OVER.  YOU WILL BE OK.

YOU ARE LOVED.

Natalie Caine M.A.

Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (310) 454-0040
Los Angeles

Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, Wall Street Journal, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.

Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.

www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com

– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
Facebook, Linked In, Twitter

 

I Am Doubting Myself

January 10, 2015 | by Natalie Caine | No Comments

Glistening_Ocean_P1170662 “Here it is the beginning of a New Year and I am already doubting myself.” Those are the words a sweet woman shared with me during our telephone conversation.  She had a fight with her spouse and a zero on her 8 day chart of starting something new.

I want to remind you and me, that doubt is part of growth.  It is not the ALL of you.

Maybe the bigger picture is you are practicing COMPASSION with yourself when you don’t do what you thought you would do or be. Maybe you are practicing saying, “I WAS WRONG and I AM SORRY.

Another woman shared,” oh great way to start the year by still being sick.”  Yes, that inner critic can grab you when you are already feeling down.  Just tell the voice in your head, “STOP IT.”

Tennis players practice. Musicians practice.  Keep that in mind when you forget that you are practicing new behaviors by catching them sooner and by putting them at the top of your to do list, not the when I can get to it list.

Abalone_Shells_9064Here is an idea:

1. Be complimentary in order to emotionally nourish yourself and others.
2. Begin again.
3. Check in with the reality vs. fantasy of the image you have of yourself and that other person.  For example, your image may be that you should always dress well before you go out the door and not in yoga pants to run errands.  Who will be disapproving of you?
4. Keep getting to know more about WHO YOU ARE and WHO YOU ARE NOT.  If your habit is to procrastinate, what new choices do you have today?  If you start and stop new ideas, what SUPPORT do you need to keep moving forward?
5. Are you sharing a WIDER SPECTRUM of yourself with others or staying in one role?  Ex.  Some parents stay in the parenting role and don’t think it is ok to share something personal about what happened to them that day.  A husband only shares work news with his wife and not personal thoughts, a single woman shares her new dating strategy and not the beautiful two hikes she had on the weekend.
6. A young woman wants to LEAVE HER JOB and is terrified of the void time without work.  Have a conversation with the fearful part of you and a conversation with the wise part of you. Write it down. Read it out loud to yourself. What did you notice?
7. A man is RETIRING in one month. He wants more time with his wife.  She wants her routine that already makes her happy.  Negotiate.  Say what you need, ask how is that for you, listen, and then respond.  I know that sounds simplistic and yet if you go into the conversation OPEN and knowing you won’t be TRAPPED and you can take a PAUSE to think, your negotiations and outcomes may put a smile on your face.

Doubt signals us that we need something.  What do you need?

Happy New Beginnings,
Natalie

Invite Natalie to speak in your community
Call her for a private session

Natalie Caine M.A.

Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (310) 454-0040
Los Angeles

Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, Wall Street Journal, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.

Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.

www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com

– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
Facebook, Linked In, Twitter

 

New View

December 29, 2014 | by Natalie Caine | One Comment

Magical_Ocean_9501For me, happiness is effortless when I walk one of my favorite nature spots. I feel like a kid as I drive there, wondering what I will hear and see today.   It never looks the same and yet I have expectations of what might be.

 

Today, I got an unexpected view…two dolphins swimming side by side, not in unison, and still together.

PS It is my marriage anniversary, so I was happy to see two together playing in the water.  One was jumping out of the water by a woman on her paddle board, twice, as if to be playing and entertaining her. I have not seen that before and I have been coming to this same beach for over a decade. Lucky me!

Ocean_SolitudeWhat is effortless for you that makes you so happy?

What unexpected “GIFT” in 2015 would thrill you?

Where is a place you go to in your imagination, or in person, that lifts your spirits?

What new skill do you want to step forward into exploring in 2015?

Who do you want to spend more time with?  Who less time with?

What chatter in your head do you want to turn down the volume to?

NEW VIEW….what perception about yourself, or someone dear to you, do you want to see in a different way? What will it take for you to begin that shift?

May this NEW YEAR bring you reminders of possibilities, of acceptances, and to embrace that LIFE IS A MYSTERY and thank goodness you are HERE.

Take care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.

Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (310) 454-0040
Los Angeles

Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, Wall Street Journal, MariaShriver .com, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.

Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.

www.lifeintransition.org
www.emptynestsupport.com

– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
– Support groups
– Workshops
– Mentoring
Facebook, Linked In, Twitter

Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org | 10061 Riverside Dr., Suite 1002 Toluca Lake, CA 91602 | 800-446-3310