July 2011 Archives

I think we don't feel it or view it enough. Parents, Boomers, Students, Divorced and Married, call me asking, "How do I know what I want to do next?"  Under the opening question is their doubt, disappointments, exhaustion, and lack of support.  You can relate to those moments. Who hasn't been there?

I truly believe the practice of appreciation, daily, even hourly, on a blue day, can lift you.  It sounds too simple so we don't do it.  Not enough sparks and whistles. Not an end to the long journey of NOT KNOWING YET.

Don't you wish when you were in high school that someone taught a class called, "LIVING IN THE UNKNOWN?"  At least there would be a memory as an adult that unknowns aren't monsters, mistakes, or something to fix.  Believe me, I don't always like that seat, either, and yet, I do know, something of value comes from the emptiness. 

When you leap, your head is often making the choice. Poor heart isn't getting any attention. For some they spin too long and the head and heart get foggy.  Try a walk. Let your body give some clues and relief. Ask yourself, FIVE TIMES, yes five, not one, like most of you do, "WHAT MAKES ME HAPPY?"

When a client of mine truly had the blues, after getting to know her, we discovered that a walk to her local park, hearing children, seeing them play, listening to mothers and dads laugh and discipline, lifted her spirits.  What might bring a moment of happiness to you? 

Get support. No one wants to figure out or sit alone with pain.  We endure too long.

Take good care,
Natalie

Natalie Caine M.A.
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188

Featured in TIME MAGAZINE, NY TIMES, LIFETIME RADIO FOR WOMEN, LA TIMES, USA TODAY, WASHINGTON POST, BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.

- Private Telephone Consultations
- Speaking engagements
- Online classes
- Support groups
- Workshops
- Free active message board - connect with others
- Story of the Month
- Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
- Los Angeles, CA

She couldn't see around the corner since her divorce.  Love lost? Not exactly.  No regrets. Love no longer moving forward hand in hand.

Summer and the living doesn't feel easy.  Financial shifts and singlehood aren't carefree days when you are grieving the life you thought you would have and uncertain about love tomorrow.

1. Full on permission to weep.  Who wouldn't when change unexpectedly lands in your bedroom? Buy the softest aloe Kleenex you can purchase.
2. Treat yourself as well as you would treat your friend going through divorce.
3. Ask for help.  One woman set up an email with her friend that simply said, "I LOVE YOU. GET OUTSIDE TODAY." Support goes a long way.
4. Make a plan on your calendar to do something for yourself on the weekend.
What use to bring you joy?
5.  No spinning like a hamster. Jump off the wheel.  Sometimes in life you are in the mystery even though you want answers.
6. Practice present moment by feeling your feet on the floor and seeing what is right in front of you...the window, the object on the bookcase. 
7. Remind yourself this loss and pain won't last forever. 
8. Take little steps forward for creativity that will lift your spirits.
Would that be a class, the arts, hiking group, bowling, city tours?
9. Say at bedtime what you appreciate about yourself. 
10. If you have trouble sleeping, buy a meditation tape for relaxation and healing.

Transitions are an invitation to go within and learn more about who you are, who you aren't, and what new resources are needed at this stage of your life.

Take very good care with gentleness to self.
Natalie

Natalie Caine M.A.
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188

Featured in TIME MAGAZINE, NY TIMES, LIFETIME RADIO FOR WOMEN, LA TIMES, USA TODAY, WASHINGTON POST, BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS

Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.

-Private Telephone Consultations
-Speaking engagements
-Online classes
-Support groups
-Workshops
-Free active message board - connect with others
-Story of the Month
-Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
-Los Angeles, CA

Leaders, parents, college grads, students, boomers, all in transition and
needing the impact of beauty around them for inspiration and stability.  

A rose in a vase,  a garden of rainbow chard, pillows, bowls, painting, photos, collage, musical instruments, poems, etc.  You think it doesn't make a difference when you are changing. I know it has for me and my clients.

Will you accept making beauty around you? The photos are my recycled doors that sat for two years on the side on the house.  While walking my small garden with morning black coffee, the idea came to me.

PUT MY PHOTOS IN THE WINDOWS ON THE DOORS.  MAKE A GARDEN GALLERY.  I wanted immediate gratification.  Therefore, double stick tape, clean the windows, print my photos, move the doors to a focal point and tape them down. Stand back and enjoy the view...daily.

Truth is, I often move objects and furniture around as seasons change.
Lighten my life. Get more playful. Nest in.  I am forever tossing and donating when I make the time.  I like open space.

Summer brings up wanting to play and get out of town.  It brings up family memories, some still alive and some unseen now.  Beauty helps me feel great even when I am in the not knowing what is next or practicing patience.

Creativity leads me to something every time.  Could be a smile all day and that is good enough.  Could be I invite someone over to see my new creation or I email it.

I welcome you to email me your beauty that surrounds you.  Go gather, toss, create, and play.  I wonder where that will lead you?

Natalie

Natalie Caine M.A.
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
On the web www.emptynestsupport.com

Featured in TIME MAGAZINE, NY TIMES, LIFETIME RADIO FOR WOMEN, LA TIMES, USA TODAY, WASHINGTON POST, BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.

-Private Telephone Consultations
-Speaking engagements
-Online classes
-Support groups
-Workshops
-Free active message board - connect with others
-Story of the Month
-Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
-Los Angeles, CA

Transitions for adults and children bring frustration.  How does it show itself in your family?

Not sleeping. Irritability.  Yelling.  Immobile. Over eating.

A family shared with me they want a fun, happy summer, but the fears grip them.

Not enough money, too many people back in the house, relationship is all about problem solving and details, and yes, the not knowing how to handle the unknowns that come up.

1. Have a check in party where each says what is on their mind and the others truly listen.  Keep it brief.  Each person gets five minutes.  We use to do this with a talking stick.  The person holding the stick, talks.  You pass the stick around to the next person.  A timer is set.  Sounds silly.
Silly worked.
2. The person who has an idea speaks it after each one shares their five minute story.  A guy complained that he was tired of being the only one with the ideas.  He too wanted some help and ideas.   He forgot to tell them that.
3. You don't have to have solutions.  The conversations make real connections. Trust builds. Caring emerges.
4. Ask for help, "What do you think we can do about....?"  You want to empower each other not blame.
5. Say your feelings hopefully when you haven't stored them too long and therefore explode.  Remind yourself you don't want to pin them into a corner.  You don't need to be right. You need a happy household.
6. Stay focused on your needs.  If you wait for someone, you resent. You will get angry and hurt.  You will heal.  Differences bring curiosity and more knowing who you are and aren't.
7.  Feelings are just feelings.  Vulnerability is part of being alive.

There are so many parts to you.  By the way, wanting to yell and yell at someone is also a part of you. 

Wanting to slam the door, say I quit, yes other parts of you.  Those parts just don't have to be the all of you.

Those thoughts and feelings really do help you learn what isn't negotiable and what you can live with today.

Wishing you the fun of summertime.
Natalie

Natalie Caine M.A.
 (800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188

Featured in TIME MAGAZINE, NY TIMES, LIFETIME RADIO FOR WOMEN, LA TIMES, USA TODAY, WASHINGTON POST, BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS

Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.

-Private Telephone Consultations
-Speaking engagements
-Online classes
-Support groups
-Workshops
-Free active message board - connect with others
-Story of the Month
-Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
-Los Angeles, CA