Back to sharing....One of the top questions people bring up during our telephone consultation is that they don't want to talk about certain subjects during the holiday.
They feel too vulnerable or private for now. I will cut to the chase and suggest you say," I pass-on talking about that subject this holiday. I will talk about your beautiful home. When you say what you don't want and also add what you do want, it sits less defensive or controlling, don't you think?
When Sara spoke with me about her anxiety for the holidays it included not wanting to talk about her illness over and over. She deals with it day and night and is doing well today. What she wants is fun, distraction from illness routine, and to be seen as "normal."
She understands people want updates. Her plan is to give an update in an email before people visit or before she gets in the car. If that doesn't work, she said she might just say, "I am so bored with managing my good and bad days, could we talk about you?" Who doesn't want to talk about themselves?
That is the solution we came up with while having our session together on the telephone.
The sign BEWARE OF DOG, definitely gets my attention. I don't want to get hurt. A sign for you to remember is, BEWARE OF EXPECTATIONS. I think that is a top bruiser when it comes to being with people.
Check out how you want the holidays to be, how it might be, and what you really need during the gathering time. Then ask if you are being realistic, coming from past roles you played or longed to play, and if you are taking into account who that other person really is and isn't.
We have so many different parts inside us, like an orchestra, that it is natural to feel whatever and whenever you feel what you feel. Sounds so trite. Sounds so forgotten in the moment.
Music works to shift me and uplift my moods. Right now I am hearing in my head, the song, LET IT BE, LET IT BE, LET IT BE...
Wishing you laughter and delicious breaking bread together with those you enjoy,
Natalie Caine M.A.
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
On the web www.emptynestsupport.com
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