April 2012 Archives

Acceptance is possible when you notice that the change you wanted in someone you love isn't showing up.  No one is happy every day all day long, so that is a relief for the part of you that likes perfection and fantasy.  Here is what the people in our groups shared that boosted their happy:

1.  Shift your thinking to a positive thought verses spinning what didn't happen that you really wanted.

2. Grieve for sure, a loud or soft weeping, talk about it and nurture yourself in the disappointment. It hurts when talking can't make a change between two people.

3. Get moving, even if it is around your home, like cleaning a drawer or two or putting the clothes you haven't worn in a year in a to go donation bag.

4. Remind yourself what you do appreciate about your personality.

5. Play music at home.

6. Do something in the arts that ups your creativity.

7. Have a do nothing scheduled day and night.

8. Think about what would be outside your box and go for it.

9. Write thank you notes.

10. Go to an afternoon movie.

11. Write all that you have done that made people happy.  Make a list and read that list....It takes five minutes and your happy will be on again.

12. Cook for your neighbor.

13. Walk your neighbor's dog for them.

14.  What can you do today to feel better?

15. Remind yourself this feeling won't last forever.  It is a feeling and not a life.

16. Sit outside at a park with coffee or tea.

17.  Buy a scent like lavender or pine that you could spray to refresh.

18. Start your day doing what is fun first and then the to do list.

19. Take a half day class and see if you like it.

20. Invite someone over...one or two is a good thing.

21. Ask for help. You forget to do that and you would help someone if they asked.

22.  Get out of your neighborhood to a new one for a mini get away. 

23. Get something delivered to you, like dinner, fruit basket.

24.  Watch a U Tube of Kids playing

25.  Freshen up with a roll on scent.

26.  Plan a trip and ask a friend to plan with you.

27.  Send an email to friends asking them what makes them happy when not feeling so happy for days.

28.  What is the deeper meaning of your life besides for the roles you play?

29.  What memory from childhood makes you happy?

30.  Ask the wise part of you, within, to share what would lift your spirits today.

Happiness collapses and stands tall again and again.  You have a full range of choices, feelings, thoughts, and inner parts to you.  You simply need a reminder, a hand to hold, which includes your own, and the decision to make your life ok without having answers , yet. Weep when you feel the tears, using the softest Kleenex you can buy. 

Take good care,
Natalie

Natalie Caine M.A.
Empty Nest Support Services
Life In Transition, What's Next?
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles

Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.

Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.emptynestsupport.com
www.lifeintransition.org
 
- Private Telephone Consultations
- Speaking engagements
- Support groups
- Workshops
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Life transitions, whether off to college or the spinning thoughts of, now what do I do with the impact of this news, raises sleeplessness and over eating.

A single woman shared in our support group that she just can't focus or stop thinking about her financial changes.  

 Another younger woman is being pulled into the refrigerator ten times a day because the part of her that procrastinates deadlines is winning. 

A devoted mother, doesn't weep much but her fingernails have never been so chewed up because her endless to do list for high school graduation nears, her work schedule never travels a straight line, and then there is  college drop off  in August where she hugs her only child goodbye.  

Kati is a single parent, recently divorced, who jumps months ahead about being with her ex-husband during college send off for their son. 

The women and men in the groups have shared their lack of being able to let go at the end of a full day and their worries about relationships where tension is distancing fun times.

Tips For De-Stressing

1. Play music at home. Classical in the car.
2. Call someone to lift your spirits and receive a reality check.
3. Review and assess your situation, then remind yourself you are done thinking about that now. "Stop it," might be helpful to say to yourself.
4. Get outside . Plant seeds. Walk around the block.
5. THIS WON'T LAST FOREVER, can be hopeful words to shift your energy.

Stress can be helpful to put you into new behavior and action.  It won't be gone forever. Life happens.

You can have ways to support yourself through the challenging times.  Tim reads poetry before bed even when he told me he could never get into that habit, he did.

Take good care,
Natalie

Natalie Caine M.A.
Empty Nest Support Services
Life In Transition, What's Next?
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles

Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.

Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.emptynestsupport.com
www.lifeintransition.org
 
- Private Telephone Consultations
- Speaking engagements
- Support groups
- Workshops
- Mentoring
- Facebook, Linked In, Twitter

A teacher shared with me years ago, "Confusion is great."  I frowned because that made no sense.  Now it does.  Confusion takes you out of routine and what you believe to be true.  It is a choice to bring up courage and trust.  You have heard me say it before, TRUST IS EARNED.  You lose trust in yourself and others. 

Trust is not a given. You have more to lose than gain in the process of trusting because you can get hurt.  Hurt is not the end.  When you trust someone with private information and they tell your story to someone, you collapse from hurt.   You have seen where you rise again, after weeping, expressing, and grieving what you thought to be true.

Confusion swirls you.  I remember a woman shared with me that she told her sister never to tell anyone what she shared about something that happened to her in college.  Her sister told a mutual friend.  When someone breaks your trust, they need to earn it back.  You get to decide how that earning happens and how to take care of yourself in the confusion and hurt.

You leave a job, a lover, a partner, a home, or a community. Between the goodbye and the new hug, your inner doubter voice will emerge. You have an orchestra of inner voices that want air time.  The pusher, the critic, the fool, the child, etc.  

The doubter is simply a voice among your crowd within.  Rather than pushing that voice to dormancy, simply listen to what the doubter has to say and respond with, "THAT'S INTERESTING. THANK YOU. I CAN TAKE IT FROM HERE." 

You can invite the wise voice to speak with you, "OF COURSE YOU DOUBT SINCE YOU ARE IN THE UNKNOWN. KEEP GOING. MAKE NO DECISIONS ABOUT WHAT'S NEXT, YET.  ENJOY THE UNKNOWN AND THE YES'S and NO'S YOU FEEL."

Not knowing is a good thing, as is confusion.  BE WITH IT, RATHER THAN PRETENDING YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO. 

Ask for help and let your vulnerability be present.  You would be there for someone who was in the unknown. Remind yourself of times you have left what you knew. What did you learn from that experience? 

It sounds simple to say be available to yourself in the moment and yet, it isn't.  It takes practice. You lose present moment and come back... The key is to notice and come back.  No one stays present to a moment all the time.  False expectation.

When you are leaving and heading to the next, it is ok to be happy.  Happy is a choice.
You get to be happy even if your life isn't how you thought it would be.  Maybe your practice could be to accept you don't have answers yet and you are still happy with you.

Take good care,
Natalie

Natalie Caine M.A.
Empty Nest Support Services
Life In Transition, What's Next?
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles

Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.

Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.emptynestsupport.com
www.lifeintransition.org
 
- Private Telephone Consultations
- Speaking engagements
- Support groups
- Workshops
- Mentoring
- Facebook, Linked In, Twitter

Holidays like Passover and Easter bring memories and gatherings.   You know who at the table might punch your button because they don't believe in you for whatever reason.  Don't you count yourself out for happiness and success.  Leave the room for a pause, use humor, like "thanks for sharing," use a more direct line, "you think you know me and I think you don't...if you get curious about me, just let me know.

Change is a journey. It is fun to learn more about who you are and aren't if you see the journey as a learning and a time of practicing compassion.

Some days you will be kind to yourself or critical.  The hope is you notice and not let anything ruin your day, which means don't spin the experience over and over like a hamster. Get off that wheel of negativity. You could say, "STOP IT. DON'T THINK ABOUT THAT, AGAIN."

Words don't often stick when you have a conversation with someone who is "just not into you."  Action like moving away or putting your hand up like a stop-sign might help in the moment.

This week I have gotten calls from clients about how to handle the ongoing gatherings that are sometimes disappointing due to buttons getting pushed.   Expectations need a review before you open the front door.  Check in with who you are now and how some want you to be who you were last year or even last month.   I love the lines, "We disagree.  We can drop that now and have a fun time here."

Find an object, back yard, pet, or something that you can look to in the moment that shifts the negative energy.  Maybe there is a table decoration, flowers,  a bunny, or stacked matzo, that you can really look at in detail. This is a way to not give attention to a downhill roll.

Happy Spring and Freedom,
Natalie

Natalie Caine M.A.
Empty Nest Support Services
Life In Transition, What's Next?
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles

Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.

Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.emptynestsupport.com
www.lifeintransition.org
 
- Private Telephone Consultations
- Speaking engagements
- Support groups
- Workshops
- Mentoring
- Facebook, Linked In, Twitter

I was surprised in my group of wonderful women that they don't spend time dreaming of fun things to do or work that would really put a smile on their face.

We started a discussion called, THE NEXT BEST THING, meaning what we might do even if we can't do THE BIG DREAM now.

We had so much fun doodling, and making a story about our doodle that changed our neighborhood, our family, our best friend, our home, our daily routine, and our work.   "THIS DOODLE SHOWS YOU HOW YOU CAN........  "

It was a practice in being creative and allowing a part of us to speak that rarely gets on the board. The result was laughter and a plan.

One idea that  got on the calendar, was a woman offered to make over  another woman's  bathroom.  She is not going to paint.  She is going to organize the bathroom and surprise her with  "nurturing, healthy products."   They are doing an exchange.  The bathroom beautifier will receive  one area of her garden with plants that carry less pollen, since she has allergies.

Each will take photos to share at our next meeting.  The practice for the week is to doodle in the morning and say something about your doodle. Doodle at the end of your day and again, write something about it.  We will share our journal of doodles , pencils are fine...this is not an art project.  This another way of learning more about yourself and having fun.

What might be your next best thing?

Take care,
Natalie

Natalie Caine M.A.
Empty Nest Support Services
Life In Transition, What's Next?
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles

Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.

Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.emptynestsupport.com
www.lifeintransition.org
 
- Private Telephone Consultations
- Speaking engagements
- Support groups
- Workshops
- Mentoring
- Facebook, Linked In, Twitter