I know it is a celebration, big celebration. I just am afraid I will cry and draw too much attention to me. Crying is OK. It is his day.
I feel so shocked that he is leaving for college, college. We all are well educated and worker bees. I love being mom and think that will change when he leaves. I had no idea I would be tearful, weepy unexpectedly. I am mom more than worker bee. What will I be when his room empties and he isn’t home for weeks and weeks. I have no idea.
All his friends, and teachers, and that life at school is closing. I sure complained about the after school games and hours of homework and of course, the driving which I won’t miss. The spontaneous talks in the kitchen and the little and big decisions about camp or going to a friend’s. Now they are his decisions.
What is mine? What in life is mine. I never thought about that before. This is the beginning of new thoughts. I hope I have a community to share with as I crawl on this new road.
Thanks for listening. His mom….
Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org
Hi His Mom…
I’m in the same boat as I’m sure many others are. My daughter just came home from her prom last night so I spent most of the day alone. Very tearful and feeling sorry for myself. I hope to figure out how to travel this new road just like you. Maybe we can help each other .. 🙂
I feel for both of you.It has just been myself and my son for so long and he is leaving soon to go off to college and play ball. I am excited for him but so sad and he hasn’t even left yet. I have had a very busy life but if I look back it was all based around him, school, sports and travel ball. I guess I lost myself a little in the process.
I raised my son very independent and he is ready to conquer the world. We are very close but he has no fear for change. I am very proud of him.
I have no family only my husband who is much older than me. I feel heart pain and anxiety. I have to learn to be alone but the immense fear and panic I feel is overwhelming. I hope I will be strong enough. Most of my girlfriends have their own families. My husband is not a positive person. He can’t lift me up. I am scared about my future.
His Mom – loved your comment, I could have written it myself! My son graduates high school in a few short weeks then its off to college in Florida (we live in NY). Everyone around me is saying “aren’t you excited”!! I give a half-baked nod, while inside I’m holding back sobs! It feels like I’m the only person who is feeling these feelings. My salvation, if you can call it that, is that my son is not at all fearful or anxious about leaving home. He can’t wait, and is even telling me not to visit, that I’ll just see him at Thanksgiving. He’s weaning me and doesn’t even know it.
I am completely devastated that my only son is leaving home to live with his father and attend college in another state. I am not coping at all. I haven’t eaten in weeks, I have trouble sleeping, and am not functioning well at work. Here’s my situation..my son’s father and I moved from our hometown in NY to FL when our son was about a year and a half. I was born and raised in upstate NY and didn’t really want to move away from home but went to support him. Shortly after the move my ex decided he wanted a divorce when our son was two. Ex remarried for 10 or so years then divorced again. After second divorce ex moved back home to NY. I have been remarried for 13 years, since my son was 5, and my son has always lived with me. My son and I are extemely close. My son has visited his father and his new wife and children for the past couple of years in NY for the summer months but has always returned in August for the next school year. My son has said for several years now that he wanted to move to NY after high school as he didn’t like the heat here. I think he wanted to see what living with his dad would be like. I just continued to live in denial….My son is now 18 and just graduated from high school. Hours after his graduation ceremony, he and I flew to NY to attend a family wedding. After spending 10 days together inseparable, I had to get on a plane and return to FL, my home, my husband, and my job….ALONE!!! I can’t deal with the separation. He is now living with his dad, step mom and step siblings in NY enjoying his annual summer vacation and proceeding with plans to attend the community college in the fall. Everything he said he was going to do. He now lives about 5 minutes from my sister and niece and nephew and will be attending the same college as my niece. He is not alone, he is safe and living with his Dad. I am falling apart and feel like I can’t go on without him. My doctor has increased my antidepressant and has prescribed xanax. I have started to see a counselor, but after two weeks, I’m still not functioning. I know, logically, this is the best thing for my son, and deep down I am proud. I just can’t seem to stop being selfish and thinking only of myself to be happy and supportive of his decisions. Sometimes I feel like I am never going to survive the absence of his presence in my day to day life. My husband is trying to be sympathetic and supportive, but I am driving him away. I don’t see things ever getting better, and I just want my son home….PLEASE HELP!!! I know I am being irrational, selfish, but I can’t get out of my own way….I pray every night for my son to decide he doesn’t like it there or misses home and tells me he wants to return. I am a desparate broken mom here.
I am in the same boat as you all are. Mine is an only son who is going away to college this fall. I thought all I’d have to do is get past the move-in day. I never dreamed I’d be going through a summer of hell. I’m depressed, teary, cranky, over-reactive to everything. I will have days that I think I have a handle on it, and then I backslide. My boy is barely home this summer – having a fabulous time – which is lovely for him, and I know he knows that he is trying to wean away from us. It just hurts so deeply – and I worry what life at home will be like after he is gone. I can’t stand this slow, deliberate ripping away of the bandaid. It’s like being skinned alive. Empty Nest Depression is a bitch called “motherhood,” I guess. I am married – we are older parents – and I worry what the quality of life will be like at home in the fall. But, primarily, I worry about my SANITY in getting through this. This feels worse than when I lost my parents within two years of each other. Death is final. Empty Next is being rejected over and over again by the object that you focused all of your self on – and that’s the problem. i have to find another focus. I have just got to hang onto the raft as I go through these rapids of change. Sorry to sound so trite. This is almost unbearable and I HATE being so damned weak.
Hi Everyone – I can relate to all that you have said. I am a single Mom who devoted her life to her three kids. Now the last one has left home and won’t be working at home for the summer. She is very attached to her new work and it is so hard to let go. Does anyone have some hints on how to make a new life, because I think it is nothing short of that.
So I just sent off 2 more kids. I have one married, one already in college. I have one left who will be a senior and I can feel the emptiness of giving up my role as full time mom. I am starting to create a new life as I know this one is coming to an abrupt end in less then a year. The sad thing is they are all away, far away. I know this can be a new fun life as I get involved with others and new opportunities. I am thinking of starting an empty nest club where i live. Also there is a children’s home not far from where I live and thought I should volunteer there. I still like to mother and feel there are several there who can be beneficiaries of my skills. What do you all think?. Wish you all lived closer as it would be fun to get together. Anyways I know there are tons of clubs that could be fun to join. I think as my kids see me happy they will want to communicate with me so I refuse to fall off into despair. I know there will be fun stories to share with them as I stay active in other things.