with Natalie caine

September 13, 2011 | by Natalie Caine | No Comments

Married, single, career or stay at home parent, change brings vulnerability.

Karen called my office weeping, “I dropped my son off at his dorm and sobbed.  I sobbed right there in front of him. I am not a crier.” 

I don’t know where we got the idea that we can predict and control our sadness. 
When you are going through a life change, all knowing is off.  You have never been in this moment before, so trust you won’t destroy yourself or your kids. Tears fall.

A mother shared with our support group her experience. She said, “He wasn’t a freshman off to college, he was a sophomore.  I knew what to expect, but I couldn’t hold back my tears. 

He had to get go through security and I had to let him go.  I just cried and cried right there in front of the lines of people who were going somewhere.”

You pride yourself in being organized, prepared, pulled together, and then that sudden, unexpected rush of feelings, falls out and surprises you. 

Who is that person losing it?  It is you and so many other parents who hug their children goodbye. 

It isn’t just the goodbye, see you soon, love you, it is a new stage of your life that you knew was out there somewhere, but not today.

Seven years ago, I launched Empty Nest Support Services.  I didn’t want to go through this life transition without support nor have anyone else walk the walk alone. 

Some people need to get busy, some to be still, some to gather, some to get out of town.  You will discover what you need and when you are stuck, sad, confused, you will find support.  It takes practice to ask for help, to nurture yourself, and mostly to be ok with not knowing what to do or where to head, next. 

I know this because I have lived it over and over throughout my life.  I don’t like the unknown.  I don’t like saying goodbye to people I adore.  Who does?

I hope you leave your shoulds, and coulds on the street and step inside your home carrying self-compassion and curiosity.

Take good care,
Natalie

Natalie Caine M.A.
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188

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