We just wept and clapped at his high school graduation. All these people we have known for years now going different ways. Will I stay connected to these parents? Will he see his high school friends again? I think about that because that is what ends today.
Bake sales, parent meetings, after school sports, dances, mall runs, forgotten books in the locker, girlfriend and no girlfriend, popular and not, smart and not, caring and selfish. Who will sit in his seat at school? At home, that seat will be empty. Not real to me.
We cooked together or at least he showed up with the smell of chicken and rice. How often will I get to visit him?
I just ask questions so tears won’t take me down deeper. Although most of my questions make me cry. It is over, the little boy. It is over, the everyday chatter and reminders and nite-nite. I will be happy for him, just not feeling that now. I am feeling blank. I am so glad he graduated and has doors open for his future.
Me, not sure about my future. Not deeply in love anymore and still a good man. Me. Who is ME? I just want to sit outside with a latte. Sit. I don’t want to decide anything after the lists it took to get to today. Summer is more lists. Parties of goodbye. Then the so called DROP OFF at his dorm. I want to just SIT.
Thanks for having this website for all of us. I am not alone, am I? I wonder who I will grow to be with more free time. I hope I won’t become a worrier, well not everyday worrier. That would be a waste of my life.
Anonymous
Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org
Wow!! I came across this post and felt like it could have been me writing it. I’m so glad to hear that I’m not alone with how I feel about this whole experience of becoming an empty nester.
I can sooo relate. My only son graduated last night (6/4/12) and I feel so lost and empty. He is not even leaving until the fall, but I already feel the loss and pain. I realize that I have done my job and that I should be happy that he is ready and wanting to leave, but it just feels terrible. I will try joining a Meet-up group of empty nesters and see how that goes. Any suggestions on how you got through these times would be great.
This is my first visit to empty nest support services. My grown children said “mom you need help” my last child at home graduates tomorrow night and I am not doing very well. I don’t even know how I will get through tomorrow…thanks not so real, that is exactly how I am feeling.