From nothing, I became something. Mom, his mom.
I am not putting myself down using the word nothing. I am saying it felt like nothing compared to being mom. I am an attorney so yes; it took focus and tough skin to make it.
Being mom was not that. It was natural to give. Giving to him made me so happy. Well, not every day. Sometimes I wanted to bang doors and push delete. I don’t want to go back in time.
I have had a full development of myself as mom. I am ready for the party, the graduation, the milestone. I am not ready for missing him. I am not ready for this next stage of life.
It feels heavy. Aging. Distance. Time without. End of a purpose. I know I am not alone. I just wish all of you were in my town. It helps to be here with others.
I guess I will be here more often after my son leaves and I am here, at my computer, he not in his room, nor soccer, nor the kitchen, nor the car. He is on his way. I am here.
What will be my new way?
Thank you,
Claudine
Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org
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