I feel safe here. I just don’t like life as much without my kids but no one would believe that.
On the outside I am successful, friendly, healthy, a good person. Inside I feel lonely and lost today. I miss my kids. One in college. One married. I know all the philosophy about make yourself happy, be grateful, make changes.
Today I feel so sad because I do. I know here you understand that kind of day. I wish there were more communities for bad and good days. I just need to say it here. It will pass. They are such a part of me, my children.
The void is big at times to not see or hear them like I did every day and night. Loving my kids is a different kind of love than the other loves I have in life. I feel embarrassed some days to be so sad when others have real losses of death and illness. Parents don’t talk about this much so I am glad you do here.
I wonder what I will do with my free time? I wonder who I will become without kids at home? I know they will be fine and handle their lives. What about me, now?
I don’t want to fall down a rabbit hole and miss a good life. I just don’t know me like I use to. I will though.
Thanks for listening and being here as a community.
Keri
Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org
I so understand, Keri. Both of our kids are married…both live out of state. And some days I just ache. And the tears still fall, even though our son has been out of state for 5-6 yrs. and married for 3 of those yrs. and our daughter out of state for 2 yrs., married for 1. I give those stats because sometimes I fall into the trap of thinking that I should be “over all this!” But, as you said, the love we feel for our kids is very different. For me, it goes to my core…it defines me still…not in an everyday, “stuck in a rut” kind of way, but in the way that says I will ALWAYS be their mother! And yes, somedays I just feel sad about all of the “missing them,” just like your recent day. I too continue to work on defining me…figuring out who and what I am now that I am not a full time/day in and day out very involved, very hands on mother. I work on giving myself permission to be OK with just “being” for a while…us Type A’s struggle with a “no plan” way of being. But I know that with time this too will pass and my life will find its own rhythm…until then, I cry, dry the tears and move on as best I can! Take care of you, Keri! You are not alone!
I also have to thank you, Natalie for this website. There are moments like right now that I cannot stand the loss of empty nest. I am widowed (for 7 years) and my last child went away to school this Fall. Like Keri’s comment above, I don’t like life as much without my children. I had completely immersed myself in parenting and loved that role for the last 25 years. I didn’t know the empty nest would be this difficult although I had an idea but didn’t know what to expect. How do you transition from something that you’ve spend nearly all your adult life doing? The only thing I can say is time will ease the loss just as when I became a widow.
I understand it takes about a year to adjust. Can others offer feedback on how long it took?
Thanks again!
I keep looking for support and am glad to find something online if not in person. My daughter (3rd of 3 kids) hasn’t left yet! She’ll to to college next fall, but I’m already getting feelings of loss /death of my role as mom… how can I go back to living my life as if I have no kids…? My husband also wants a divorce and I come from overseas so I do not have my own family here. I am working very hard to meet new people but no one is in my situation. I am also an older mom. I hope I can make true friends at this time in my life. Kim, I so feel with you…