When the house is silent, the missing crawls around. You search for why you feel so different. You think you shouldn’t be so off balance or tearful.
You are.
Truth is answers won’t change your heavy heart. They may band aid, which is a good thing. You need a rest, a break, a quiet mind.
Sorrow is sorrow. Period.
Loss is loss.
If you need reasons then give them to yourself. Go for comfort whenever you can go there. Cry when your lip quivers and your hand covers your mouth for silence. Drop your hand. You have feelings. You lost something. LOST.
You may find a new. You won’t find what you lost. This is why you feel off balance. You cry. You don’t want to do much.
No one needs to understand. Someone needs to listen and be with you when you want that kind of comfort. Do you feel you will never rise from the floor of searching for that lostness? Is that why you want to run from crying or being? Humans don’t like these awkward, out of control feelings.
You aren’t alone and you are. Vulnerability is too much for some to feel or share. Makes sense since our culture is about get going, get over it, fix it, move on, don’t show anyone those feelings or people will get tired of you.
Being with who you are right now is your gift. No one can care for you like you can. No one can stand tall with you , like you can. Paradox is, others love you and want to share all with you.
You let them in when you can. You appreciate love. First you love you in whatever way works for you. Part of the feeling lost is, YOU DON”T KNOW WHAT WORKS because you feel sad, lost. Knowing what might work, doesn’t mean the pain ends. You might know you need to get under the covers. You might need a movie. You might need the gym or the outside air and scenery. Still, you will cry.
You lost something.
May you be in the lost land and at the same time, know it won’t be for always.
Take good care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org
THANK YOU! You said exactly what I am feeling. I have three children, one married, one living on their own in another city and my youngest just went off to college. My husband travels during the week and is only home on weekends at least for the next year or so. I am here….alone….or so it seems. You put into words exactly how I am feeling. THANK YOU. I went searching for something that would make me feel like I’m not crazy. I’ll keep reading, you keep writing. I have only read today’s blog but plan on going and reading the past ones. God bless.