with Natalie caine

July 1, 2011 | by Natalie Caine | No Comments

Transitions for adults and children bring frustration.  How does it show itself in your family?

Not sleeping. Irritability.  Yelling.  Immobile. Over eating.

A family shared with me they want a fun, happy summer, but the fears grip them.

Not enough money, too many people back in the house, relationship is all about problem solving and details, and yes, the not knowing how to handle the unknowns that come up.

1. Have a check in party where each says what is on their mind and the others truly listen.  Keep it brief.  Each person gets five minutes.  We use to do this with a talking stick.  The person holding the stick, talks.  You pass the stick around to the next person.  A timer is set.  Sounds silly.
Silly worked.
2. The person who has an idea speaks it after each one shares their five minute story.  A guy complained that he was tired of being the only one with the ideas.  He too wanted some help and ideas.   He forgot to tell them that.
3. You don’t have to have solutions.  The conversations make real connections. Trust builds. Caring emerges.
4. Ask for help, “What do you think we can do about….?”  You want to empower each other not blame.
5. Say your feelings hopefully when you haven’t stored them too long and therefore explode.  Remind yourself you don’t want to pin them into a corner.  You don’t need to be right. You need a happy household.
6. Stay focused on your needs.  If you wait for someone, you resent. You will get angry and hurt.  You will heal.  Differences bring curiosity and more knowing who you are and aren’t.
7.  Feelings are just feelings.  Vulnerability is part of being alive.

There are so many parts to you.  By the way, wanting to yell and yell at someone is also a part of you. 

Wanting to slam the door, say I quit, yes other parts of you.  Those parts just don’t have to be the all of you.

Those thoughts and feelings really do help you learn what isn’t negotiable and what you can live with today.

Wishing you the fun of summertime.
Natalie

Natalie Caine M.A.
 (800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188

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