with Natalie caine

June 19, 2012 | by Natalie Caine | No Comments

I need to change.  Here’s my story. 

I do and did too much for my child as he was growing up.  I had guilt about being gone and a bad childhood relationship with my parents. I over compensate for my past.  I want to be liked so I give and give and give to my kids.  Not spoil.  Available too much. 

Well, yes, it is hard to say NO when they ask for money for the prom bus or a concert or clothes. I sound crazy. 

I am well educated and successful in my field.  Loved and loving.  It is just all this talk about parenting and do this and not that feels crazy. 

My kids aren’t murderers or slouching all day. They are young. 

My biggest shift is not being pulled in by wanting to be their best friend.  I am over that now. 

Don’t ask me how long it took to get over that.  I will always want them to like me.  Humans do want to be liked. 

Of all the relationships I have, parenting rocks me. I can be so happy and then so on the floor with hurt.  I think it is because I love so much and there too is the over involved.  I am working on that, too.  

If my kids look great to the world then I win the gold trophy.  I want that.   

SO, IS THIS PERSON LIKE YOU IN ANY WAY?   She is a wonderful client and I learn from her.  Guess I should split the bill.   She is honest about her happiness and her pain.  EXPECTATIONS is an art piece she made for herself as a reminder to stay aware of fantasy vs. reality. 

She had a TALK with her kids.  She shared that she was working on issues of parenting. She named two issues…unrealistic expectations and fear of not being liked.  She figured they weren’t even interested in her issues. 

Surprise. They were. She kept the TALK to twenty minutes because she over talks.  She felt great after being vulnerable and somewhat supported by them.  Oh the story goes on with such learning and pain and courage to start over, again and again. 

Parents make mistakes.  Kids make mistakes.  Keep learning and talking.  Ask for help. Let it go. Begin again.  Forgive the past.  Make plans to have what you need. 

Go into a room to chat without expecting the ending to be how you want it to be. 

Did you like it when your parents related to you as you relate to your kids? 

Is there something you long to have to nurture you?

Parents, your kids will grow up. Just not on your schedule.

Happy Summer,
Natalie

Natalie Caine M.A.
Empty Nest Support Services
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles

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