with Natalie caine

January 16, 2006 | by Admin2 | No Comments

by Jennifer | submitted on January 16, 2006

I am tired. I don’t think I realized for years, how tired I am. Yes, my family and best job ever , called parenting, energized and fulfilled me, but I am tired.

My two kids have left the parent den. They are in college and on their way to freedom and satisfaction.

My career has been demanding, high powered, successful, and definitely more than a 40 hour week. I am good at it and that is rewarding. I also made a lot of money and am not afraid to say it. You know we were taught to never ask or talk about how much money people make!”

I am still tired. I know the good life and the bad life. I am 53, healthy, blessed with good looks and mostly blessed with friends and family who care for me and let me care for them. My husband is a good friend. We are financially ok at this time of life. We still love and like hanging out together.

I am still tired, tired of outputting myself. I don’t think I knew it until after these last holidays when all the kids, family, friends, and traditions took my presents and smiles. I could have said” no” more often. I could have asked for help more often. I like doing it on my own and yes at times I am controlling. That doesn’t sound good to me, but true at times.

I am not blaming them. I am finally realizing in my empty nest that I am feeling empty.

In reality this is a good thing because now I know me in a new way. My girlfriend said it so well. “Well dear friend, you have stripped yourself in front of a mirror that you never even knew was in the hallway of your house.. I remember when you hung the mirror after you happily bought it at a flea market, but I don’t think you ever looked at it after it was hung.””

She is so honest in her poetic metaphors. I just love her!

I wonder how many other empty nesters felt the mirror crack, so to speak.

I am young and hopeful, but still tired. Can I slow myself down in this transition or will my habits of life that filled me, win out and launch me into actions, again?”

How long do I get too feel tired and how do I know what I need? I knew the old me, but who is this with the mirror on the floor?”

I wasn’t going to email this story of mine, but truth is, I wonder how other empty nesters see themselves in their reflection of the life they are living? That sounds so heavy and I don’t mean it that way. I mean to giggle, but I am too tired.

My son called and I didn’t even pick up. That is a giggle. Who am I in the mirror? Can you tell me true. Who am I in the mirror that use to do and do?

I think I’ll sleep and in that dark no light will follow me I think I will sleep and let that dark comfort me to simply be . I know my eyes will open but will they see the same? I know I need to rest and no one cares if I am not at my best. I know love because I give it away, but not on this day. I am too tired.

Call me another day to play and if I am not too tired, let’s dance. You can lead!”

Resting under the cozy blue blankets with pops from firewood, moving over the cracked down mirror once smiling at a flea market.