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CRITICISM: HAVE YOU FELT IT WHEN YOU SHARE YOUR FEELINGS ABOUT YOUR KIDS LEAVING HOME?

July 12, 2006 | by Natalie Caine | 3 Comments

In my group, at the conference, men and women who are empty nesters and planning for the empty nest have heard: HOW DARE YOU CALL IT GRIEVING___LOSS? No one died. You are so dramatic. You are overly sensitive. You don

3 Responses

  1. Myra Janus says:
    September 4, 2006 at 11:12 pm

    I thank you for writing this. My husband and I have just sent our 3rd child and youngest to college and this is the hardest. Although we both work and have other lives, our home is so quiet! We are both youngest children and remember how hard it was for us. The first week he seemed to be enjoying himself, but now that classes have begun he sounds grumpy, doesn’t want to talk and that is hard to hear.
    I feel a need to connect with friends that I have not been in touch as much as I might have and feel a loss, a void that is hard to explain, that my husband feels in a different way. We are trying to do new things and get out more, but it is so strange.

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  2. Linda says:
    September 10, 2006 at 4:54 am

    Thank god for a place finally to express how I feel. Although this is my first child that has left. I have a 23 year old daughter who went to school locally and a 14 year old son who is still at home, I feel a loss in our home. She will no longer check in with me everyday, I now am panicky about when they all go. What will I do? All I ever wanted to be in my life was to be their mother. I find myself clingy with the other two. Don’t get me wrong, I have an MBA. I have my own life, but being responsible for them was always the most important aspect of my life. Everything else seems secondary. I have many professional friends that wonder why I am upset, they have expressed that they can’t wait for their lives to begin, after their kids leave. I felt like mine has already begun and that it has been the best adventure I could have ever imagined. I am 40 and have actually considered having another child, because I am so frightened. I knew I couldn’t be the only Mom who would have wished their child could have remained their baby forever. Although they may be grown and adults now, that doesn’t mean that we don’t wish that we could still read to them, cuddle them, or kiss their booboos. I am glad that I am not alone.

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  3. Blanca Arias says:
    September 11, 2006 at 5:08 am

    Thank you for this site. Yes I have felt the criticsm. I too am a professional with a Masters. I work part time and homeschool my 12 year old daughter. But my 18 year old first born is leaving. My first baby. I know he needs to separate. It is a happy occasion; he is going to college. I am happy and I am sad. I am excitied and scared. Tonight he asked me to give him a neck massage. I cried and he let me sing our favorite lullaby to him. He leaves to live in the dorms next week. Only 6 days away. Sometimes I panic. Is it the best thing for him. Will he make good choices. I miss him so much already. I know he must live his life. I hope we can have a close relationship as he evolves and matures. When I can stay in the moment and savour our time together I am calm. I cherish this moment then I am not in the future or past. I know that I am so blessed with this person who has allowed me to be a close part of his journey, and I hope will continue to be part of his journey. Tonight I cried, as I hugged my Dad – I cried on his shoulder as I cried and said my baby is leaving the nest. At the same time, I am so proud of him.

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Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org