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Empty Nest Brings Gifts and Curses

January 29, 2007 | by Natalie Caine | 4 Comments

Empty nest brings gifts and curses. In the last weeks, I have received emails and phone calls from parents feeling sad. One mom said she felt like an empty restaurant with so much good food to serve and no customers.
In the beginning weeks when kids go back to their lives, parents feel a relief that the mess is over, the late nights have ended, but they also miss the vitality and activities shared with someone they deeply love.
When we hug our kids goodbye we might feel sluggish, sad, and sensitive to the emptiness and at the same time glad to have our own routine and inner voice back without the interruptions of kids and their friends.
The older I get the more I am living with the realization that says, yes this is true AND so is that

4 Responses

  1. wbow says:
    February 4, 2007 at 12:37 pm

    i just don’t know how to take care of myself when i don’t feel happy. i am ok for a while, then i relapse and feel horrible. i would love to hear what people do to overcome this. i can’t seem to face a future without my family nearby….but i know it is the reality, and i know that i have much to look forward to…i just want it all back and there’s no way to recapture it. i have kept myself busy–scheduling breakfast and lunches, but at some point i have to deal with whatever it is that is keeping me from moving forward.

    Reply
  2. Mary says:
    February 24, 2007 at 11:00 pm

    I have gone over your website reading the various articles trying to get in touch with my next sense of purpous.(They all have been somewhat helpful.) One day I had four wonderful children then the next they were gone. They didn’t go to colloge they just simply moved out into the world. It happened so fast that it didn’t seem like I could grasp what was happening to me emotionally till the last child was on her way out (she hasn’t gone yet but it’s only a matter of months). I have no idea what to do with myself and often find myself crying when the door doesn’t open after school or there is no one to say good night to. I am a single mother and have been a majority of their lives. Every article that I have read thus far doesn’t cover the subject of single moms that have raised their children on their own with out any help from the fathers of their children. I always thought that since I had all my kids with in 3 years that by the time they were gone I would be on the beach in the Bahamas soaking up the sun and sipping a huge umbrella drink, What was I thinking or not thinking. Now it’s just me and the dog and she doesn’t make umbrella drinks or good conversation. I am starting counsiling to help me with my emotions. What can you suggest to help me make my life whole again so that I may have a sense of purpous?

    Reply
  3. maria says:
    June 10, 2007 at 1:24 am

    i feel like you, totally lost. I am not empty nest yet but my youngest will be graduating in three years and he is very social. Probably 99% chance that he will leave home after graduation. My daughter is living four hours away from home a bit before she graduated, in May she said that she was going to grad school and now is already saying that after grad school she probably will work 2 to 4 hours away from home and I am so depressed about it that all i do is cry all day and cant shake the thought that I will only see her when the holidays come if I am lucky. I never thought she would move out after graduation because she always said she would come back home and work to save money. Now that this happened I started to think that it is only a matter of time before my husband and I are left alone. I don’t think i can handle not having my kids around me. The other day I woke up and I thought I heard my daughter coughing. My oldest is still home but I keep thinking that he will leave after he graduates from grad school. I cry all day and my sons say why are crying we are still here. I miss my daughter so much, I just want to see her and hold her in my arms but i don’t want to seem like i am falling apart and push her away even more. I am so lost that I want to die. I stayed at home for 24 years so where do I start again? Good luck to you eventually things will get better everyone says. I hope that i can start to believe that line soon, i really want to.

    Reply
  4. Lori Ross says:
    August 11, 2007 at 4:46 pm

    I am sitting here right now & reading these other posts from moms in the same boast as myself. I feel so sad, so lost, so useless right now. I raised 3 wonderful children & amnow blessed with my 1st precious granddaughter. The problem is, I knew I was laways meant to be a “mom” & now I am not very needed anymore. My last left a couple months ago 7 I dont know what to do with myself. I became a mom at 20, then 23, then 29. My 1st husband deserted us when the kids were small; but now (remarried) enjoys a close relationship with all 3 of them. I too am remarried as of 9 years & he has never had children of his own. Although he loves mine; they never have quite accepted him totally. Now at 47 years of ahe ( & my husband is 60); I still find my purpose here is to still be a mom. OH HOW I LOVE(ED) it!!! I have always been a stay at home mom & treasured every moment spent with my 3 babies. Now I find myself in the EMpty NEst time & desiring to be a mom all over again. Is it too late to become a parent ‘again’; maybe even adoption?? I have so much love to give & find myself so lost & sad right now. My heart is broken into & I miss them sooooo much! I loved being wanted & needed & those arms squeezing me so tight, saying “I love u mommy”! The tears wont stop flowing as I write this. Will this ever get any easier? but then, why cant I choose to add & love some more little ones that so deserve it?

    Reply

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Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org