with Natalie caine

May 7, 2007 | by Admin2 | No Comments

by Allison | submitted on May 7, 2007

I use to be the preferred one for my children and I miss that feeling. But, what was I thinking…that they would stay attached to me forever…ah maybe…well not attached, just in love with me.

Yes, they do love me, it is just the definition of love keeps changing… I thought it meant chatting and spending time together. But then again, when I was in my twenties and thirties, I didn’t chat and spend that much time with my folks.
So here it is…”get over yourself, mother”…that is what I tell myself…I am so much more than a mother, but I needed them to kick me out of the house so to speak.
Here’s what I have been up to:
I drop miniature notes in the mail to my kids…31, 26, 22, that might be about my day or a cartoon I cut from the paper or a doodle smile face just saying happy hi. I send cards to my parents and cousins too.

I search the internet and thank goodness for empty nest support services so I know I am not crazy on lonely days. I also search hiking trails, events for the weekend, best vacation spots for April, classes at community colleges, summer jazz festivals, non profit organizations, lecture series, piano lessons, and recipes.
My husband has to travel for his clients so I have a lot of free time. I work three long days at a garden nursery .
My latest dream is volunteering in Peru where I can teach the kids English.
I guess these days, I am finally learning to be alone with me, like me more, and risk being uncomfortable in social situations by myself. I even go to workshops alone. I just hate that first feeling of finding a place to sit in the room. Ridiculous, I know at age 52, but I still want a friend in my classes and someone to eat lunch with on the yard…ha ha.
My good friend started a bakery of cupcakes but I don’t want to get fat so I don’t go in that room. I can’t take just one bite like her…I need the whole pantry.
So I dream to be outside…I plan to live at least twenty -five more years, but truth is I am not into planning and goals. I had to do that to raise my three kids…now I am into whatever I wake up thinking and fall asleep dreaming.
Empty nester filling herself with fun,Allison