by Kathy | submitted on September 19, 2007
My children were my best friends and that sounds terrible these days with women being independent, getting a life outside their children, and letting them be.
Well I am writing to tell you, I have a life. I am married. I work full time. I care for my aging father; I have girlfriends, hobbies, and get aways.
That is the short list of what I am grateful for having. What I don’t have is the fulfillment of being their mother daily. I am not sad or depressed, but I am not having that good feeling inside.
I am empty since my daughter married this summer and son became a freshman. Empty is supposed to be a good spiritual thing, but I want to feel more than free time. I want to know how others are feeling fulfilled. Here is my list of what I have tried, but as I write that to you I mean what I have experienced”
– Volunteering for rescue pets
– Hiking
– Spa days
– Dinner parties
– Class in photography
– Reading
– Walking the beach
– Time with husband on the weekends
– Gardening
– Care packages
Fillers don’t replace parenting. I actually think I just need more time . I like the freedom of not cooking , not going to the games, and not driving them around, but truth is I am feeling older and don’t have the same zest I had to muster up when they were around. I probably fed off of them.
Embarrassing to be different than who I was and not know what will give me the old great feelings. This not hormonal. This is not a lack of motivation. This is me in the uncertainty.
Thanks for listening.
Kathy
Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org
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