by Anonymous | submitted on February 27, 2008
Suffering in my empty nest, is it optional to not suffer?
I want to come up with a solution for missing my children. I always come up with solutions.
The data is this:
Woman in my fifties
Married for decades
Two girls
Two dogs
Career in teaching
Friends and extended family
Healthy and active
Extrovert and explorer
Still I suffer. I didn’t know it would be this lonely with my girls off to college and I feel guilty for missing them so much. I am an adult who should handle children leaving home. I raised them to be independent. I am proud of me and of them.
I overeat. I check emails way too often to see if the girls have told me anything about their day. I teach the little ones and then come home or try not to come home because I don’t want to cry. Ridiculous to fear coming home because I might cry!
My husband works late so alone I sit in the den wanting to just talk to my girls. I don’t go in their bedroom. I call a friend but still I feel empty at times.
I sound so small but my heart is sad to not be around my children. I think part of it is that was my life everyday and now what?
Is it like retiring? I wouldn’t know since I am far from retiring. I think it is more like kissing someone goodbye who you really love and won’t be seeing because they live far away.
I am so good at doing things but not so good at being without something to do. I have more free time but I don’t have what fills my heart. Will I find that in something outside of mothering?
My husband misses the girls, too, but not as I do. He and I are good but it is more about the changes I am feeling with the girls not being at home.
Changes. Day at a time, I know, but it isn’t enough to know that change takes time. I don’t want to suffer. Life is short. I want to get on with it.
Thanks for listening.
Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org
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