with Natalie caine

November 13, 2008 | by Admin2 | No Comments

by Cindy | submitted on November 13, 2008

“What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls the butterfly.” Richard Bach
Natalie and I laughed with tears about trying to flap our wings like an empty nest monarch, take ourselves lightly and fly to afriend, not the old twiggy nest.

It was a sad day of fighting with my daughter. She was home for the holidays carrying irritability, late nights, and rolling eyes. I think you get the picture.

I was carrying excitement and thinking of fun hikes, new lunch places to take her, movies, shopping, gardening and cooking. You would think I was from the dinosaur age when in reality it had only been three months since I hugged her goodbye at her college dorm and we seemed to know each other well.

Unprepared for these changes, I shut down. I, the adult of more years than anyone wants to know, was acting like a five year old, pouting. I just didn’t know what to say because I felt it wouldn’t matter. Her door seemed closed to me.

Bottom line is I had to remind myself we are in different roles. I had to focus back on my day and what I wanted to do and not think about plans with her. If she wanted to do something she would let me know. I slipped her a note that said I realize we are in transition and my expectations were unrealistic. Let me know what you want to do while you are home. Some things that really matter to me are that we cook together and have sometime to take a walk and chit chat.

Drum role, I got a note back from her, “Mom, I love you. I am tired and feel pressure to catch up with my friends and have time with the family. I am just not use to talking to parents right now so I just want to do my thing. Sorry I made you mad.”

Remember how all we wanted for mother’s day were home made cards, well I got mine early. Seeing the written words, “I love you, mom.” is all I needed from her. I let go of agendas and how it use to be. Sounds needy but in fact I realize we can’t tell each other enough how we appreciate and love each other even in new territories of our relationship.

I am so grateful I am not going through this transition in my new mom role alone.

Thanks for this place to share and get feedback.

Happier woman today,
Cindy
PS. Natalie, I posted that quotation on my mirror, thanks.