by Casey | submitted on December 7, 2008
I thought our children were launched into growing into adulthood when they left for college.
I see them forgetful, not helping out when asked to, moody, messy and mean talking at times. They will be home for almost three weeks for winter college break.
We nurtured our children and educated them. We worked hard to provide and love them, as all parents do, but to be honest I am feeling sad. I thought we taught respect and caring and giving back.
Key is we are a family and no matter what age we are or what our financial status is, we need to respect and care for each other in loving ways.
I am crying writing this today. Sounds like I feel like a failure as a parent, but I don’t. I have done twenty years of good parenting. I don’t understand their actions and I don’t like it.
I want my family by my side when needed and I want to be by theirs but when they act selfish, I want to punish them. I can’t believe I wrote the words punish them.
They aren’t little or are they? I have friendships and community so I don’t need them to be my best friend. I do need them to not be so self-centered. Do the dishes, go to the grocery store, clean out the garage, return videos, be pleasant around the house, clean their room, walk the dog, call when they aren’t coming home, don’t sleep so late, get your laundry out of the washer and into the dryer. When I read that list I just wrote, I sound like a parent and I can’t believe I am that kind of parent who has to ask for that help or remind them to help out.
These are difficult times for all families so maybe that is part of what is affecting me, but I doubt it. I am disappointed in their actions.
Do any of you have these feelings come up? How do you deal with it?
Thanks for listening to my current story.
Casey
Happy Holidays to all!
Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org
I am reading your letter just now and wondering what advice you received from others – and if its working.
My daughter is leaving for college and I was really ready and supportive of her spreading her wings and flying on her own.
She has always been over dependent on me so I encouraged her to work last summer (she was 18) at a summer hiking camp. I was stunned when I picked her up and she told me she no longer needed me. She had learned to live without my support.
We are so happy she got into the college of her choice yet she continues to be angry and say hurtful things about me being intrusive (how was your day, etc) This is new behavior and my reaction has been tears, annoying her again.
How can I get through these last few months? And why is this teen bahavior surfacing now at age 19?
Denise