Do you remember the celebration of high school graduation and then college? I will never forget those milestones with my daughter. True joy. Heavenly Days. I loved my family and dear friends being in the same room to celebrate her. I loved seeing all the other families so happy with their clicking cameras and Kleenex.
These past weeks I feel lucky to be part of parent’s celebrations across the country who are sending me emails or calling about their questions and tears of joy around graduation. Gifts, ways to appreciate the graduate, sentimental decorations, how to prepare for the guests, and how to not be a basket case during the entire event which is filled with pride and the realization that the days are numbered until a change is inevitable.
Over and over, they help me realize, we all need someone to sweetly speak with and someone who has lived the journey. Such a complex time of feelings and thoughts that we want to savor and truly be present to celebrate.
A mom called me after her son’s high school graduation when the cheers, family, and friends left. She has a summer vacation to look forward to, but it didn’t matter on this phone call. She just wept with the reality of what was a fantastic ride of being an involved parent and now heading towards a more distant life with her son. She and her husband chose to be very hands-on parents at every stage of development. One worked at home and the other didn’t travel for work so they went to meetings, games, parties, doctor’s appointments, brainstorming choices for their child, as well as, shared car pool, making the lunches and dinners, planning the birthdays, and being a part of his friend’s lives.
They just wondered how their life would be with all those connections coming to an end. What we came to is, it is A WONDERMENT AND GRIEVING and for now it is a time to FEEL YOUR FEELINGS around these changes.
We get comfort from staying in our head with lots of questions as a way to not feel the feelings. We simply haven’t had the practice of being comforted nor safe to feel our feelings. Move from the head who wants answers, to the heart who knows feelings are simply feelings.
Let yourself be in the journey of the day, not ahead of yourself nor behind with regrets that cause you to miss out on being present with your feelings. You will have time to grieve what you didn’t do , weren’t able to do as parents, and mistakes that you made because you didn’t know better at the time or couldn’t pull up the better choice in that moment.
Entering the unknown of shifting roles is a mixed bag of wanting more free time and missing your children daily and their friends popping over. You know you will miss the built in community that the school years provided.
Like all of us, she said she felt better just talking about it and knowing someone else had found meaning and let her child be who they will be.
Can you relate to the after graduation thoughts and feelings? Separation anxiety is real. Dreams can come true are real. Both get your attention. You are heading towards focusing back on yourself after decades of raising a child.
Take care,
Natalie
Change is inevitable. Get ready. Get support.
natalie@emptynestsupport.com
800-446-3310 Los Angeles, CA
Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org
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