Hi everyone,
I can tell you, but some people in my life say, just stop it. Get a life. People have it much worse than you.
I know all that and I am still anxious. My husband is quiet about it and probably looking forward to the old days of him and me. I doubt it will be like the old days. We are older and have been affected by mistakes, hard working hours, money coming and going, friends moving, children being happy and sad, well and sick. Our parents have been ill and dying.
You of all people know what I mean. I am proud of my children and love them. I want new opportunities for me and my husband.
I am strong and open minded.
Still, I cry. Some evenings I can’t sleep. I just am so comfortable being a mom even though I also work and love it.
It is not only that I won’t see them every day, it is the loss of the school and the events and people we have connected with forever.
I am clueless about the free time because it isn’t real. Sure I have ideas of art classes and travel but with the economy, who knows. I think I am a little concerned about what will come up for me since I won’t be doing my regular life of work, family, hubby, school events, sports practices, birthday parties, house full of wet towels and loud music.
Thanks for listening.
Anna
Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org
Okay, I posted in a rush because it says we have a limited time. But how long is that? 🙂 We have to value ourselves but that doesn’t change the fact that when a child moves far away, it is a grief situation and we have to go through the same stages as any other grief. I find it hard to talk about this with my husband because he moved here from England years ago and left his father alone with no family. I feel bad for Dad because he has said to me that only the Tv gets him through days like Christmas. SO while I am feeling bad because my son moved out of state, I feel bad for my father in law as well. Going away to college never bothered me because I thought my sons would end up in the general area and keep in touch. My younger son is nearby and I hear from him more. My family was always close until divorces moved everyone away. That really hurt my mom who is gone now. My whole birth family is gone. But the most important thing, I believe is to know this is normal and that we need to talk about it with other mothers. No one but a mother can understand it although some fathers have very similar experiences. In some ways it is cultural as well.
Anna, I think you have a right to your feelings. It is normal to suddenly feel like your life is turned upside-down. When I retired and my kids were gone – I felt like I fell off a cliff. It seemed that I retired thinking our retirement funds were in tact- then the economy spun out of control. I thought that maybe I left work too soon. I also was planning to do things with my husband- but he has so many other hobbies and is often helping others . (He is a coach and also has golf fever )So I have had to adjust to a tighter budget- because of this lousy economy and other financial losses.I was once so self-assured. Thinking I would love to be home . I cry mostly about missing the fun of having a family- my kids were so involved with sports and music etc. I was living through them. I have not yet found many things I can devote my time to. I do a lot of charity work and joined clubs etc. I hope to take art classes and travel more. I went on a trip with other women to see Yellowstone National Park. I guess it is a start. I am also forcing my husband to take me out more- he seems to go along with my plans. If the economy picks up and we are not so worried- we may both go abroad-who knows what will happen. My advice is to look at this stage in your life as a possibilty for a new adventure. Try to think less sad thoughts about the empty house. Fill the void with your own music- watch movies or reconnect with your hubby- I wish you luck and happiness.