Some of you might be crying and hopefully carrying the softest Kleenex you can get your hands on and others might be feeling a sigh of relief that the house is yours, again, and your children have returned to college or work. Then there is the combo feeling and at different times of the day and night when you least expect it.
So does that mean, you suddenly feel anxious, immobile, dancing on tables to move ahead with your liberation, nostalgic for what was and might not be quite the same, or a dab of wanting to simply sit and ponder your life?
I have had all of the above feelings over the years of shifting my mother role, and trying on different hats of interest and new meaning.
It is a journey and not glue that finally sticks. Children come back. Life changes whether we like it or not. So how do you show up? What do you know about yourself and what are you clueless about today? Write it down. You know how I feel about the power of writing for ah ha, release, and time with self. What do you value about you? Go ahead and acknowledge yourself. We just don’t spend enough time loving ourselves that way and we need that love song sung to ourselves and by ourselves… so SING OUT…I just love that I am so………… ta da …now that wasn’t so painful was it?
Post here or email me, natalie@emptynestsupport.com WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT and/or FEELING THESE DAYS? WHAT’S UP WITH WHAT YOU KNOW ABOUT YOURSELF AND ARE CLUELESS ABOUT TODAY?
Natalie Caine M.A.
Empty Nest Support Services
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Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org
My thoughts….Well, it’s been a month now since we said “So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, adieu…” to our youngest daughter who is attending college just outside Boston. She picked the college, the area, because many of her international high school friends were going to Boston or the East coast and she wanted the ‘real college’ experience. No matter that mom and dad are from California, actually teach in a college, and that there’s free tuition if she attended. However, our institution being an American college overseas without international accreditation isn’t what we would recommend either. At any rate, I suppose it doesn’t matter if you’re just down the road from the college or half way around the world, bottom line is your ‘child’ is no longer within arms reach to hug when you see those tears well up in her with the verbal insistance, “No, there’s nothing wrong!” It’s so strange that I’m experiencing the same feelings when my father died. Not that he would ever need my comforting, but that I couldn’t fully grieve without feeling guilty. I keep telling myself, “Why should I feel sad? He led a full life, the fullest, and it was his time to go at 80. It’s selfish of me to want him to have waited until I arrived to surprise him on his birthday. Is he supposed to die on my schedule? He would not want me to grieve.” Now I have these similar mixed emotions with my youngest parting. I should feel happy that she even got into college and that she’s able to have ‘the full American college experience’. All my colleagues comment on our ’empty nest’ situation with a wink. Although working on rebuilding a new relationship with my husband should be foremost on my mind, I really wonder if we have anything left in common. A transition, this definitly is. Fear of the unknown is what plagues me these days. “What’s she doing now? What does the future hold for us as a couple? She’s wandering around off campus at all hours of the night!” I’ll keep my mind busy with work, on line classes, cooking, cleaning…anything… just so I don’t have to think, I don’t have to feel, I don’t have to…Thank you for having this forum and allowing me to get these thoughts and feelings down in a safe medium. I’m a journal writer normally, but I’m tired of keeping thoughts to myself anymore.