I imagine when you look back at that hug goodbye and then sitting in your silent house, it still brings a little tear. It was so painful that sometimes you just couldn’t find words. Your role as a parent instantly changed. Your routine and connection emptied.
So what have you learned about yourself? As the year comes to end I hope you make time, after the celebrations and gift opening to acknowledge the strength in grieving and trying something new that fell upon you in your emptiness. You couldn’t will it away or talk it away.
One mother shared with me that she simply let herself be whatever she was because she always had courage and trusted something would shift. At the same time, she had no idea it would last for months; fatigue, inertia, confusion, loneliness, and no solutions. She didn’t feel like she had a place for all the emotions and “oldness” she felt. She thought she was having crazy thoughts like, “did I waste all those years giving to the family and for what, should I have planned for this emptiness, should I just take off for an adventure out of the country money or not, will anyone really take care of me and check on me, will I be one of those who never finds meaning and simply fades away into tasks and work?” She just didn’t want to miss out on life now that she was supposedly free of parenting full time.
Today she reflects on her new career and new friends she made who also travel the empty nest. She took classes online and lived more in the moment than the past or fear of the lonely future. She asked for help. There were days she felt non-motivated and lonely but she let it be and even let herself feel sorry for her empty life and the times she felt she missed out.
I think we forget to focus on the good we are and to share that with our friends. We share our challenges and we play which is fabulous. We can also acknowledge what we are proud of and tell our stories of how we had a great day simply feeling happy.
So, what are you loving about yourself?
Take good care,
Natalie
natalie@emptynestsupport.com
818-763-0188
Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org
I am so sorry that you have not had a response until now. You must feel alone. I am not a complete empty nester. My oldest daughter has resently moved out of state. I still have a daughter that has just turned 12. So, not completely emptynest, but a major change in that direction. A precurser, if you will. It is a shock to find yourself so behind, yet happy to have had all the experiences only a child’s youth can bring and togetherness of a family and a feeling of celebration for the opportunity, thus far. At the same time, it is a foretelling of what is next. The next child in line…growing up and preparing to move on….
I look forward to grandchildren some day, yet deal with my own parents getting old. This is the one step that I think is often missed with the acknowledgement of empty nesters; parent’s aging. The uncanny ability to see your own future through a parent’s lense.
That is all for now, Take Care, Dbordier