So I get out of bed, work, feel productive and finish my to do list. I present great ideas at our conference meeting and laugh with colleagues. I drive home, click on the music and chop the tomatoes for dinner before hubby comes home. He and I make tacos and slowly become quiet.
I feel done. Done with cheering myself on that life is still so great. Done with the list of goals for 2010 and of course, exercise like last year, is top on my list. Done. Done. Done.
You know the truth for me, as Oprah would say, is that I am done doing the one role I never had to work at or make goals for and that is parenting. Love it. I don’t want to be done. Yes, done with car pool and meetings and crying kids who need more attention. Done with staying up late to go and pick them up after a party. Done with their fever and stomach aches and OMG their homework support. I am not done with hearing them on their phone or having their friends stand in the kitchen while I cook up a study group meal. I am not done with birthday parties and Halloween costumes. I am not done simply knowing they are in the house. But done it is.
They are in college. I am home. This back and forth roller coaster is difficult. I mean who am I when they are here and who am I when they are in college?
People say get over it. This is not really a problem. People say find the peace. Find the gratitude of your life. Pick new adventures and hobbies and causes to get involved with.
That doesn’t work for me. I miss my role and more than that, I miss seeing them grow up and up and up. I miss hearing them talk on and on as only that age of girls can do. They are just vibrant and adventuresome and basically have all the time in the world. I don’t.
So truth is empty nest is empty. I am empty of their sound, ideas, and them needing me as much as they use to. I am empty of their sweet sleeping faces.
Sure I am fine. Fine isn’t enough right now. I truthfully know that the past was great as their mom and the future will still hold me as their mom but I will change. They will change and I don’t have as much dream life time as I did. I don’t have that feeling of forever their mom. Yep, they are growing up and my numbers are climbing the ladder. Where did my years go and where am I headed without their schedule mixed with mine? Could I plan a study abroad trip at my age of life? Ha ha.
Well thanks for listening to my emptiness today. I know you get it.
Lisa
Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org
Thank you for verbalizing my feelings *Weep* *Weep*
Yeah, I get it. My daughter turned 21 yesterday and flew back to college today. This time, it really feels as though she is on her own. She’s a young adult, excited about what is ahead and making her life her own. I am feeling the emptiness in the pit of my stomach and the sadness in my heart as I walk in her room and feel the quiet where there once was a buzz. Last night, her friends were here with their boundless energy, laughing, eating, and celebrating. I know there is freedom for me too, yet at this moment the void of her energy gone is enormous.
I fully understand. I am 42 and my daughter is in her 2nd year of college. I feel like nobody my age knows how I feel. They are just starting their families and my only daughter is grown. I have lost several friends because they do not know what I am going through because they do not have children. Has anybody else experienced loosing friends? Everybody keeps telling me to get over it. This is the best time of your life but I have such a empty place in my heart.
Have two children in college and one as a senior in high school. already stressing out about next year. It’s very depressing. I feel for you because I’ll be there
I am so happy I happened upon this website. I completely understand how you feel. I am a mom of 2 college daughters and I was totally unprepared for the quiet of my house. All I ever wanted my whole life was to be a mother. My career is being a mother and I am feeling very lost at this moment. So many of my friends do not understand because they are not yet there with their children. They say they are so looking forward to having an empty nest. I have never felt that way. I am very lucky. My daughters do call everyday to check in and keep me up-to-date with their lives, but it just is not quite the same. I think its harder still because my father passed away this year too. So I went from being the “full-time mom” and “daddy’s little girl” to this empty void. It is comforting to know that other people feel the same out there as I am feeling. And if one more person says “snap out of it” I think I will scream. I hope there is a light at the end of the tunnel, I just don’t see it yet.
i feel so sad i also have a senior leaving and one in college.He also never comes home
I’m so glad I ran into this website. My youngest daughter is 23, away for college and with a boyfriend. She’s great and calls every day but no more planning vacations or girl-time together since she wants to spend every spare minute with her boyfriend (I would have done the same at her age). My two older boys have also moved away. I don’t want to feel sorry for myself but I can’t help feeling so sad and lonely. I miss her terribly. Living with my elderly mom doesn’t really help the situation. Well, I feel better now that I’ve vented. Thanks for the site!!!!
I can relate. Although a father I did much of the after school child care and homework and sports stuff with my kids.
Son is just starting 3rd quarter of Freshman year in college and daughter who is a junior in hs is off for a 3 day multiple college bus tour.
Weather here in Chicago turned nasty after a few really glorious days. Wife will be off visiting family and I will be alone except for the dog part of this coming weekend for the first time in decades…
I feel a whole range of things, sadness, irritibility, relief, joy, uncertainty. Both my wife and daughter feel it too right now re our son. I am feeling the added loss of thier presence right now.
The only thing I know for sure is I won’t be home staring at walls this weekend.