Hi everyone,
I miss my three kids. I get started with a class or book group but that doesn’t do it for me. I like mothering. Do you think it is crazy to be a Foster Parent?
My family thinks I need to give myself more time for just me. What if mothering isn’t something I want to give up? Most of my family has died. Not my children of course but they for sure are growing up and don’t need me the same way they use to need me. College and marriage for them and visiting me when they can, but I want something that makes me feel needed and lets me give what I like giving.
I honestly don’t think I am the kind of person who wants to start over with this whole re-invention talk, hobbies, travel, time for me. I mean I do like having time with me. There is a lot of time on weekends and evenings for me. I work part time and it is good but just work.
I am not a traveler. I go to see my kids or have a short get away, but I don’t pine for that experience. I am a home person.
I thought of volunteering in a pediatric ward but that could get depressing or working in a shelter but I want to mother again in my home. I probably shouldn’t be talking about this since no one really gets it and thinks I just don’t want to move on and get a life. I have my life.
I do feel judged by others. I am learning not to let it affect me.
Have any of you thought about mothering in new ways?
Thanks,
Janice
Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org
I don’t blame you at all for feeling the way you do. There’s no way around it, you hurt and feel a great loss and for years we as mothers all we knew was mothering and that was a big part of our identy. A loss is a loss, it takes time to process it all and grieve that loss.
My daughter is graduating from high school in June and going off to college in the fall in another State. I am already feeling the loss. I know I will get through it in time, but I still know it is ok to cry when I need to. It does help release those feelings. Just remember, your not alone, many of us are or have gone through so many of the feelings you are experiencing now. And, when kids get older they usually can relate in a better and more mature way that is even more meaningful. All the best to you.
I know how you feel. When that last one leaves the house it’s awfully hard. I miss him so much sometimes. I’ve taken to fostering puppies, I know what you’re thinking but I needed to feel responsible for someone. Do give it some time.
I’m a 61 year old man. My boy was born when I was 43. For the last 18 years his mother and I have been completely devoted to him and I have been his primary caregiver. He’s graduating high school now and planning on going to college on the other side of the country. I’m beside myself with grief. We still have him for 3 more months but I know I’m in for a rough year. I never saw it coming! I just hope I don’t damage my health while I adjust and adapt.
I am a nurse, so I take care of people all the time. You’d think I had enough of caring for people. Both my adult children moved across country. I’m alright, after 7 years, that my son is gone, but after 2 years, I want my daughter back so bad I can’t stand it.
My adult children are now 27 and 24, and I am SO proud of the young adults that they have become that I can’t feel said. Parents of young children think that their jobs are the hardest (and I’ll agree, their jobs ARE the most tiring/exhausting!). But I think “letting go” is the hardest part of being a parent, but it’s also rewarding. Don’t focus on what you’re losing; focus on the pride you feel in releasing your bundle of energy/ideas into the world. It always helps me to remember that children need wings as much as they need roots. I gave them the roots. When they turn 18 and older, they need wings most of all. You WILL survive. Go find something new to explore….you might be surprised at what you find!
I totally understand your feelings. Don’t let others talk you out of doing what you’d like and if fostering children is it, so be it. Why do others, especially our grown children think they have the right to decide our future? Whatever you choose to do with the rest of your life, I send my best wishes. It is your life, your future.
hi, I am having premature empty nest syndrome.
Only my first has left home. but my youngest going into first grade sent me over the edge. I can really see the end from here, and how fast time goes by. It’s makes me physically ill sometimes.
If I’m already this upset, how will I feel when my baby graduates high school? I know I will cry hysterically without stopping, and will probably have to be committed to a mental institution and I’m not trying to be funny at all, I’m very serious, I really need to find some people to talk to that felt this terrible about empty nest who have managed to find a way through it, I need to know what they did! I don’t expect a quick fix, I would be suspicious of that. I hope everyone who has posted on here has found some healing and is improving, I just feel so lost and hopeless….