Empty Nesters and their chicks are sitting on a fence. No one really knows what will happen in regards to the job market or how long they will fluff their nest, again.
It is not looking good for some grads and for others; they are living their dream launch of the paycheck. They might have four roomies, but they aren’t coming home.
Key, as you know, is to communicate feelings and thoughts:
1. You must be so disappointed that you worked so hard and can’t make enough money to have your own place.
2. Dad and I are thinking the way to share the space and responsibilities are to…… and then ask, HOW DOES THAT SOUND and WHAT IDEAS DO YOU HAVE?
3. They may not have concrete ideas because it is not real to them and they aren’t thinking about the things you, the parents are thinking about: responsibility, dirty towels and dishes, mom the maid, bills, friends over, girlfriends and boyfriends, late nights, sharing a car, noise and looking for work.
4. Coming back home is a journey of negotiating and not falling back into ROLES you no longer want to live. They haven’t had authority around and you worked hard to let go and move forward with your life. You can all talk about that, BRIEFLY. Brief talks mean while you are cooking or running errands. Casual conversation, not the rage that pins someone against the wall, WE HAVE TO HAVE A TALK.
5. Anger will rise. It is normal. Sorry and meaning it is healing.
Some families can set up work spaces for their children outside since it is better weather. Screens to separate rooms, helps. Thrift stores for filling in a table, lamp, etc.
Don’t sweat the small stuff. There are two sides to every joy and challenge. What are yours in this situation? Good news is….. Challenging part is…..? Chat with yourself before others.
Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org
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