Do you worry your children’s future will be less happy than parts of your life? What trees do your children need to climb in order to gather inner resources of independence and kindness?
As parents, we want our children to give back, be responsible and find a path that is fulfilling, as well as, pays their bills. I believe they will climb and fall, live a future full of choices that include tears and joys.
The challenge is parents, ALLOWING YOUR ADULT CHILDREN TO LEAD. Even if you don’t think they are, “adults” they are no longer your best friends or little ones.
It is difficult trusting and holding boundaries. Don’t you wish someone had spoken that option for you as you were growing up? Trust and boundaries…..
Being a role model , focusing back on what you want for your future life, as well as, everyday life, generates the strength to ask less questions , listen more, and empower them to keep moving forward.
A mother shared with me that her mistakes were, she was over protective in order to be loved back by her children and not have to feel their pain, and she talked more than really stopping and listening. She has lightened up on herself because she knows now that she will make mistakes and not die from them.
Her history was one of abandonment emotionally from her parents and care taking her siblings. She wore the super mom hat and became exhausted, resentful, and lonely.
No matter how many books on parenting we read or conversations we have with parents about our challenges, we will still feel confused and make mistakes. Life is about learning, staying curious, and caring.
Knowing ourselves feeds compassion for our children who might not know what they want to be when they grow up, might not help out as much as we hope they will, and might not check in with us like we ask them to. LET IT GO. I know that sounds easier than doing and I know practice helps. Slow down on having conversations full of asking questions about their life. You want to show you trust them. Paradox is there are times you need to be in their face. Pause before you decide which is active right now.
Self – esteem grows from trying something uncomfortable. It is not about the win. It is about courage and perseverance, don’t you think?
What do you imagine for your children’s future? What worries you and gives you happiness?
I have learned to turn off the TV of negative news and violence and turn on beauty and music.
Take care,
Natalie
natalie@emptynestsupport.com
818-763-0188
Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org
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