Did you think you would feel this way?
A mother called me sobbing, “she will never sleep in her room again and I thought I was prepared for her leaving but I’m a wreck.” She went on to share how beautiful her daughter looked and that she loved picking out the dress and location for the wedding with her. She continued to share that it is all over and I am here. She is there.
Transitions aren’t easy. Hugs goodbye are tearful. Why wouldn’t they be when you love the person who had to grow up and move away, even though you are proud and raised them to be independent and loving.
Building towards a major life event is a roller coaster of joy and sadness filled with unending details. Distractions and celebrations fill your days until you come home and the silence sits in your home. The wedding is over and your little one no longer lives at home or brings friends over for dinner.
Go ahead and cry. Really. Cry whenever and wherever the feelings erupt. I know you feel embarrassed and ridiculous since it was a happy occasion. Love is love. Loss is loss. Now the mystery begins. Who are you now? What do you need? What will your relationship with your new family bring into your life? Are these questions that have kept you up at night? You aren’t alone. Change is inevitable. You just don’t need to isolate or go the road alone.
Rest and enjoy the memories of wedding plans and the beauty of the celebration weekend. There is no rush for you to stand tall now. You have never been here before so gentleness and compassion are your two best buds.
The challenge is she /he is married and now they lead. You respond. We will talk more about that later. I think I just want to touch on part of the tears. You just aren’t sure what your role is nor do you feel solid about holiday traditions, vacations together, asking for what you want and other life style occasions that didn’t require negotiating and expanding.
Take care and enjoy all the memories that flood in.
Natalie
Natalie@emptynestsupport.com
818-763-0188
Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org
I would love to be able to talk to someone who has slowly been thrown out of their married son’s lives and that of their young grandchildren. I haven’t seen my grandsons in 3 years and two weeks ago was first time I had seen my son in that time frame as well and that was because of a funeral. My other son I saw last December for first time in a year and a half and my granddaughter didn’t even know who I was. And, that was also the first time I had met my newest grandson. Since then I haven’t seen them either. And, again I saw him, my son as well at the funeral. I have written personal letters to my boys, tried to phone on different occasions to ask them to over to talk, I always phone them on their birthdays, their wives birthdays, anniversarys, kids birthdays but never get an answer, only a message to leave one. I need perspective.