Empty bird house with a knob that could open what? Parents and Boomers shared with me that the overall do over in parenting would be to worry less and simply enjoy the relationship with their children and to not compare themselves with what other families are doing. They talked about intellectualizing parenting by over thinking every action they and their children were doing rather than laughing more and seeking help when needed.
Bottom line was they felt relief in hearing that other parents had similar experiences with parenting. They came to an accepting place that they did the best they could and they also made mistakes. It isn’t easy to carry both realizations connected by the word AND….we made mistakes and we did the best we could then.
AND is the HERO in what you could do over. You can list what worries you that you didn’t teach your children: didn’t teach them finances, to write thank you notes no matter what, to get up and let an elder sit there , to follow through, to apologize, to keep going after you lick your wounds, to be on time. You can write your mistakes of spoiling them and getting them what the other children had even if you couldn’t afford it or you let them off the hook because they were sad or had too much homework.
Ten minutes out of a week to write what chatters in your head and causes distraction is worth doing despite the part of you that says you don’t like to write or it won’t help. You can list the things and definitely not care about complete sentences or grammar.
When you know what bothers you about parenting it might help you get present with who you are today and who they are rather than dragging bricks in your suitcase of life. Who doesn’t make mistakes with raising children? Who doesn’t forget what being a parent means to them?
Regrets that you didn’t focus more on yourself or that you gained weight, or didn’t make time for creativity, relaxation or ask your partner what they needed, seems to be normal on the regret sheet.
Peek in that bird house. Turn the knob. Visit memories. Let yourself fly free.
If I can help, email natalie@emptynestsupport.com.
Call for a private telephone consultation, 818-763-0188 or invite me to come speak in your community.
I began Empty Nest Support Services so no one would have to go through this major life transition alone.
Change happens.
Take Care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org
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