At least you know you aren’t alone at this time of year when other parents are checking their list twice and always stuffing Kleenex up their shirt. It just isn’t real yet and for other parents , it is too real because they have done the hug goodbye before. Everyone wants to see everyone one more time before loading up the suitcases.
You won’t honestly feel the impact of going to zero at home and that is probably a good thing. Why rush more tears! When you are in love, no one wants to hug goodbye. No brain can stop the tears because this is a heart issue. You can’t think your way out of it. Remember when you fell in love and that feeling dominated your life? You do, well here you are in that feeling, again. Go with the tears. Make a fool of yourself like saying silly things or acting weird around the kids. Who wouldn’t be weird on a countdown. Follow them around like a puppy.
I know some parents can’t wait to close the final box and I still believe their tears, at sometime, will touch their face.
You are who you are and if there is any opening to being present during this transition, I hope that for you. PRESENT to it all…the excitement, hugs, anxiety, active spinning mind, not sleeping, checking the schedules over and over, crying in their bedroom, talking too fast, adding one more wisdom of an idea to them, tucking in a love note under their packed clothes, pictures of the fam, and of course, charging the phones.
The first child to leave seems to be the most difficult. You have never done this before. No matter what you read or heard from other parents, they aren’t you. The relationship you have with your child includes the good, the bad, and the ugly moments. Love still wins. THANK GOODNESS. I want to tell you, that value, that feeling never ends. LOVE. You would do anything for them even when you say you won’t because they hurt your feelings or seemed to take advantage of you. Would you really not answer their call if they needed you? Don’t tell me…
Yes, the new freedom is exciting and I adore the feeling and the open space of no schedule on the refrigerator or dashing around town with them and their friends. Still, I love when they pop over during summer and winter break. Love wins. Did I say that already? I am so proud and happy to be a mom. Being a mom raises my bar more than anything. Makes me smile big grins. What a long wonderful history we have loving our children. Sometimes, I can’t believe how long I have been called, MOM. Mommy. I still love seeing it in writing when she emails or text.
Hoping you appreciate being a parent and pat yourself on the back. Plan for nurturing when you are home in the emptiness. Treats for you. Compassion for the transition. Rest. Refresh. Keep that phone velcroed so you don’t miss a text or call. Oh, sorry that is what I did in the beginning. You don’t have to . Jump and see if they are online. Ok, again, that was me, not you. Get a life..yes I have one, a great one , thank you. I shifted my role with my daughter. I found dormant parts, like photography, writing, and time to do absolutely nothing productive……
Have a hand to hold and memories to visit while you cross from where you were to where you don’t quite know where you will be.
Take care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org
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