Did you see last night’s Cougar Town on television? Could you, empty nester, relate? “He needs me.” Mom quickly drove to his dorm. Have you done that? Have you wanted to do that?
How are you doing these days in your empty nest transition? During a telephone session, a mom cried. She just didn’t think the tears would keep falling this long. She is busy. She has great relationships. Still she cries. When you suddenly hug goodbye after preparing for that moment, and you have finished all the to-do lists to get you to the goodbye, tears fall.
The role you played, instantly changes. The memories come to the surface and you float with them. Enjoy them.
You know change is on its way. Take the time for you. Feel what you want to feel and think about whatever meanders through your day and night. This is a major shift.
In time, you will love your new found freedom. You will develop trust that your child does love and appreciate you even though they don’t call or say thank you. You will step away from the computer emails, the Velcro cell phone to your hand even when you are at work because you don’t want to miss a text or call. You will find new parts of yourself that want to be creative, make new friends, and add new meaning. Let your environment lift you. Go to a part of town you haven’t visited and stroll.
You get to come home whenever you want. You get to change your mind if you are at an exercise class and you just feel too vulnerable. Go home.
You might be surprised to hear that some parents are relieved when children leave. They have been waiting for time with their partner or themselves.
Maybe you aren’t surprised. Maybe you are thinking they are in denial. I hear that at my workshops.
Each parent has their own story of why they feel what they feel and do what they do.
How are you these days in your new role with your children and in having this emptiness?
Take good care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org
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