with Natalie caine

November 15, 2010 | by Natalie Caine | No Comments

I can be so philosophical about my life.  I knew this cycle of children leaving was around the corner. I thought I would love the new freedom of no homework, no schedules on the refrigerator, no loud music, no late nights with fevers and coughs. 

It is not just that I miss them.  I miss the life I had with them.  Every weekday and weekend seemed filled.  Now empty.  I not only feel a loss of missing their adorable remarks or tantrums of drama, I miss the whole circle they gave me.

I bet you think my whole life was my children.  It wasn’t.

I love my career. I have a partner where we chose not to marry and yes to do the best at love we can.  I do get away with the girlfriends.  I have more than creative and spiritual time. 

I don’t have that circle.  The history that the circle carried through my children’s education.

I am starting over.  Said goodbye to undone friendships.  Relief for sure.
Meeting new people seems silly and yet it happens because I need it to happen.  I thought that was during your college and career time.

At last, I thought doesn’t exist anymore.  Now it is, I need to do it.  Forget how I thought it would be.

I have stayed healthy all my life. Now I want ice cream and no gym time.

I don’t want to lead. I don’t want to reach for anything.  No, I am not depressed.  Today, I am in the wandering phase.  I want to wander.

I had no idea this time of life would be like this.  TV ruined how I thought it would be.  Olay didn’t save my skin.  Veggies didn’t keep me tall and lean.  I am not fat.  I am different and wandering. 

It actually takes me probing myself to shop, cook, invite people over or go to their lovely home in the evenings.  Weekends are easier.

Week days work and .nights are for the nothing of life. No shoulds.
Who knew I would be the wanderer?  I even imagine downsizing with less house up keep.  Giving up the space and fresh garden of foods.

I sort of want to not know what will be.  I want to experiment like in a junior high science class.  Hope I don’t blow up.

Please tell me you too have felt the wandered crawl into your skin.  Haven’t you?
Thanks for listening. I still will wander and how to find another wandered on this website with me.

Leslie