Are you vacationing on your own or with your family? Who will be home?
Parents have called sharing their excitement and concerns about their children coming back home.
They know the good stuff but feel anxious about the new role they need to live.
Number one issue that causes resentment and disappointment is UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS.
You have had the territory to yourself. You know how to be the parent you were but not the adult to adult one.
They haven’t had authority around called PARENTS.
I know how excited I get to see my daughter’s face and give her a big hug. She tells me she looks forward to homemade soups, candles lit, full refrigerator, laundry, cozy bed and home where she can let go. TiVo is an added bonus. Veggies in the garden to pick are a constant. I love hearing stories about her life and when her friends pop over, who I have known since they were little ones.
1. Matt shared with me he likes spending time with his family but wants to be spontaneous.
2. Karen, the mom, likes a plan.
3. Key is to negotiate and check things out before you market and cook.
4. Keep quick meal ideas in the freezer and pantry for those kids that pop in or those that decide not to come home and you have plates of untouched food. Cook when you have a solid YES.
5. Let them cook.
6. Keep to your routine.
7. You worked hard to focus back on yourself after your nest emptied. Keep touching in with your feelings and needs. Be aware of the part of you that wants to drop everything because your children are back home . They have their own plans and you have, what? Hurt feelings
8. Be flexible.
9. Although this sounds trite and simple, SMILE. Don’t get caught in power struggles. Build happy memories.
10. Biggest complaint children tell me, “My parents ask too many questions and talk too much.”
Biggest complaint parents express, “They only think about themselves.”
Say what you need. Tell your top need. “I want to go hiking with you and I want to have dinner together. ” Give them two times for a choice that work for you and ASK when that work does for you?
• Let them know you don’t want to plan and then they drop your need for another plan.
• Don’t over give. It just grows resentment that they didn’t ask you to do.
• Stand tall if they are disrespectful. Try saying, “STOP IT.”
• Expect less and cheer if you get more. Challenging. Takes practice
• Children want to sleep. Allow them to self-care.
• Your role has changed more to mentor than manager.
• You forget, they love you and need you. They just aren’t the same as you. They want to sail their own ship even when there is no wind.
• Enjoy this time. Let it be. Add beauty and peace at home.
Parents are motivated to continue being a great role model which includes nurturing your own needs.
Practice being in the moment and not the past or future.
Wishing you a happy Spring Break,
Natalie
Featured in TIME, NY TIMES, WASHINGTON POST, BETTER HOMES and GARDENS, ASSOCIATED PRESS, RADIO, and more…
Invite her to speak in your community.
Call for a private consultation on the phone.
800-446-3310
818-763-0188 local Los Angeles
www.emptynestsupport.com
natalie@emptynestsupport.com
Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org
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