I said I would use lotion during the dry winter and I didn’t. I did say out loud what really matters to me this year of 2012. I did write a list of my strengths and challenges. I wrote who I am grateful for and who I am no longer interested in, which sounds so cold when I write it, but it is true for now.
I am beginning, while reflecting. I feel a little on tilt. I am excited about 2012, partially because I love newness.
Here is a thought for you:
What do you want to say to yourself?
– I am…….
– I feel….
– I think…
– I no longer want……
– I do want……
– I am grateful…..
What do you want to say to someone? I was thinking about you and…..
Finding meaning, new meaning, and keeping meaning that matters to you, will feed your happiness. What is a meaningful life to you? You get to take your time. You get to change your mind. Your anchor is compassion and curiosity.
When you are living an unknown, pause, go inside and have a little chat with yourself about what you feel, know, and need each day.
I wish you laughter and wellness, topped with the grace of simply loving the life you have and keeping hope lit for dreams and desires.
Ask for help. You would help someone if they asked.
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Empty Nest Support Services
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
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Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
– Private Telephone Consultations
– Speaking engagements
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Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org
As I read this, I cry uncontrollably. I’m a single mom who’s last child, who spent years with me after the divorce, just me and him, left for Canada in June. This was the first holiday season without him, we were very, very, close. I am numb, I feel lost. What is my purpose now? Every corner, every store, every shop, every everything is a constant reminder of the life we shared together. He was the kind of son mother’s can only dream of having, kind, thoughtful, helpful, respectful, loving, and never any trouble. My heart aches so badly. Everything I now do, seems to have no purpose. I come home after work, and I cry. My little dogs are what is saving my sanity at this point. We used to have real conversations, real opinions and, “mother son” talks all the time. He would surprise me with thoughtful little gifts all the time. He was just so kind to me. Now, I look at the walls at night and wonder, what now? It hurts so deeply that sometimes, I lose my breath. I miss his “hi mom”, and his, “good night mom, I love you” and his kind smile in the morning. When does this pain go away?
Dear Angelstears,
I completely empathise with your feelings. Having been a single mother with a very close relationship to my only child, I was devastated when she moved to the USA from Australia to marry a lovely young man who I did not have the opportunity to get to know well and be part of their lives.
I was absolutely broken hearted for a couple of years, but realised I had to become proactive and force myself to start a new life. I worked at creating a social life and finding activities that genuinely interested me. It wasn’t easy and took quite some time, but I am now very occupied with these activities.
I miss my daughter every day, but the pain is not so heart breaking now, and I constantly console myself with the knowledge that she is leading a very happy and secure life. I used to worry every day what would happen to her if I died, as she had no other family apart from me, now at least I know she has someone else who loves her and takes care of her.
I don’t think we ever, get over, missing our children, but we owe it to ourselves and our children to create a satisfying life for ourselves.
I am not minimising the pain you feel right now, it’s truly heart breaking, I can only assure you that the pain lessens and is easier to cope with if we build social and friendship bonds, as well as meaningful activities.
I have met other mother’s who have experienced the same pain, but it’s always more difficult for single parents with one child. Be kind to yourself, give yourself special treats, plan to surround yourself with supportive friends and read uplifting books when you’re alone and sad.
Wishing you all the best, Kats.