with Natalie caine

February 23, 2012 | by Natalie Caine | No Comments

Do you want the ending of the story or the beginning?  Patience will give you the surprise ending that was greatly needed during loss. 

My cat, Sophie, who we adopted fourteen years ago, was still chatty and cuddly, until the Monday morning she suddenly died.  I wept and wept.  Home alone, I don’t know where the movement in me came from, to swaddle her in a blanket, as I prepared to say goodbye. I know I was in shock, even though, I also knew she grew thinner and older weekly. Maybe, she was 91. 

I had been out of town teaching for a week.  I am so grateful she and I had the weekend together and she didn’t die while I was gone presenting. She waited for me.

I adore Sophie.

I miss her.

Monday morning, I wept goodbye to her, telling her all I love about her and thanking her for being part of me and my family.   I for sure wanted more time with Sophie.  Here is a list of what she loved to do:

 Climb through the back screen door to get outside and lean over the pool to sip water.
 Chase the sun to warm herself.
 Jump from the table to the kitchen counter to be right where I was chopping or doing dishes.
 Getting under my feet, so I would notice her
 Jump from the printer to my desk and sit on my computer keyboard, blocking my work.
 Knock things off my table as she dashed around playing the chase game with something I never could see
 Leap on the bed, up to my chest and into my face, purring with happiness
 Pitter patter across the wooden floors, as she heard the bath water running. Sophie loves water. She would sit on the side of the tub, at times lean over, and I wondered if I would have to catch her. 
 Sit on the laps of friends in the living room and kitchen.  People cat.  Mutual love.
 Be at the door when I came home.
 Scratch at a closed door wanting to come in.
 Crawling into the refrigerator for leftovers from Thanksgiving dinner
 Dragging a brown bag across the floor as her paws were caught in the paper handles
 Curling into her peaceful self to be, reminding me to be.

So here is the wonderment and surprise….Sophie died in the morning.  That evening, I saw a yellow butterfly in the dining room on the window.  Sophie use to sit by that window on the table to look out and be warmed by the sun.  I don’t know how that butterfly came into the house.  I had never seen it before.  It stayed on the window.   I spoke to it.  I told it, “I am going to open this back door where the pool is, if you want to go.”  I looked for the butterfly every morning when I woke and before I went to sleep I chatted with it.  One day it moved to a window, closer to the back door.  It didn’t leave.  I closed the door.  This went on for ten wonderful days.  I woke one morning, doors and windows closed, as always in the evening, and she was GONE.  I still looked for her days after.  I looked again today.  No butterfly.  I don’t know how she entered my life or how she left.  I am kissed by her presence.

Have you had this kind of surprise in loss or in life when you need love?

I am grateful for Sophie and the butterfly,

Natalie

Natalie Caine M.A.
Empty Nest Support Services
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles

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