Maybe it is the warmth and long sunshine days that are affecting parents feeling good or maybe it is they have more inner resources. A group shared with me that they are getting so much better at letting it go. The nagging is less, the carrying around their cell phone 24/7 in the hopes of it ringing with their child on the other end, the, “what’s your plan,” is less asked.
As we stayed longer and dove deeper, part of the shift is, “ITS JUST NOT WORTH WRECKING MY DAY.” Letting go isn’t a constant. It is fun when it happens.
Their practice was to notice what pushed their buttons and what helped them to shift.
Tool box varied:
1. Am I upset because I didn’t say something the other day and now I am over the top?
2. Did I get some loving so I am less attached?
3. Does it really matter right now?
4. What would help me today?
5. Do I have something to look forward to so this is just a pebble not a rock in the kitchen?
6. Are my morning pages of writing really helping me?
7. Is that art class lifting my spirits?
The list goes on and you get the idea.
All said that pausing really helped verses automatic response. “gotta think about that…I will get back to you tonight.”
Expectations got a reality check so that fantasy didn’t blind them. “We always have July 4th together. What do you mean you aren’t going to be here?”
Long story short, her son wanted to do something else. Mom wanted same same. He gets to do his choice and she is fine now.
All of them have been attending to what they need in a day even if it doesn’t happen. Just thinking about the need, helped. They weren’t as frustrated because they spent a little time thinking about themselves. Nurture, nurture.
One mom said she didn’t listen to the voice that said, “I’m ok. I just don’t need to push myself and go to the gym.” She goes to the gym three times a week, now.
FEELING GOOD.
We forget to notice those great feel good days that have no problems. I say take a peek. What did make you happy?
Happy Summer,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Empty Nest Support Services
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
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Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org
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