My daughter is leaving in two weeks for her dream college life. I want a dream too. We are close and still I am the mom, not her best friend. I have been sad and excited all summer with this big change coming.
I made a list one late night of what my dream would be. I wanted to open an orphanage when I was in my twenties or be a nurse. I am going to learn how I can do something with people who have less than I. I want to make a difference like I have in being a mom. I am not too old to go back to college or help in a foreign country or even in the great USA. Maybe I will take classes locally or maybe I will get a mentor of how to move into this new me. It honestly helps me at night to think about my dream. Still I get sad. Sad I am older. Sad she is so far away. Sad I have to let her grow without me by her side in the next room. Sad life is so fast. I tell myself not to worry that it is a waste of my thoughts. Usually I don’t worry. Now the worry is like a distraction from the emptiness. I have no idea what my life will be like the day after she is in the dorm and I am in this great home. I think I will feel her gone. I never like goodbyes. I am the one that says, see you soon.
I just remind myself it is time for me to learn. Learn how to let go of what I had and hope for what will be. Learn anything, something new to make me feel great. Learn about day to day without being mom. I am not one to write or journal. I want people around me so we can talk about whatever. I am not sure who will be in my friend circle since I am single. Life changed so much with divorce and now it changes, again. Being mom has been close and then far, over and over. I don’t know how to really say it. I never thought about me becoming this age that I am now. Busy and full life of work, marriage, kids, family, friends, and then single and now empty nester. Sounds so old. I am not old at all. I am just not holding the hands I held every day.
I will just be who I am, uncertain, happy, and eager to learn. I just don’t want life to be busy. I want it to be connected somehow. My parents were always busy and didn’t chat about much. I don’t want to be so predictable in this new stage of my life. I am just wondering what new things are other parents thinking about being or doing?
Thanks,
Ally
Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org
Ally,
Your story could parallel mine, however my daughter has one more year at home before going her Junior and Senior year at college away from home. I went back to school, and have about 1 more year to complete a degree in Family Studies. I will be able to do something I have always wanted to do in the field of social work. I am looking forward to that transition, yet I am at a loss how I will transition into a different field.
I too am divorced. I would love to live where I grew up, or in another state that I love in the Pacific Northwest. My parents are still living, and I feel an obligation to live near them as they need a little more support.
I have had this conversation with women my age about being in this stage of life. They too feel at a loss about what they should do. Their friendships have changed since no longer raising children. Even if they are married, they say that their relationship with their spouse has changed. I believe that there is a definite need for support groups for us. This site is a Godsend for me.
I wish you the very best.
Do not be afraid to start back to school. I really enjoy it, and am doing quite well in my classes, even though I could be most student mother!
Sincerely,
Jaclyn
To Ally,
Thank you for your inspiring post. My firstborn left 3 weeks ago for a college only 2 hours away, but is in no way homesick and wants to be “left alone”. I am happy that she is happy and independent but I still want to be part of it all and hear all the details. It is SO HARD for me to let go of her. SO HARD. I feel like I am irrational about it.
My other daughter is a senior in high school. (yes, my daughters are a year apart) She is an amazing athlete and is being recruited to play college volleyball. So for this year I have all her volleyball games, senior night, prom, graduation, etc to look forward to…but she too, wants to be “left alone.”
And I can understand this, that they need to left alone to figure things out on their own. They know I am here to help if needed, but they don’t want my help and I am proud of that. I have a friend whose 2nd year college daughter texts her dozens of times a day and can’t seem to adjust to life away from home. I am jealous she talks to her daughter everyday, but am glad I seemed to have equipped my daughters with handling life on their own.
So now what for me? I seem to read so many posts about moms being so sad and hopeless, but your post radiates hope for a future for yourself. And for ME!
Now is a time for us to learn, learn how to let go of what we had and hope for what will be. To learn anything, something new to make us feel great. Empty nester sounds old, but we are not old at all! We are just not holding the hands we held everyday. We will just be who we are. Uncertain, Happy and Eager to learn….Thank you Ally!!!!!