Holidays are full of memories and gatherings. It is painful when you feel lonely and it seems the rest of the world is cheering and getting together. You feel left out and wonder “why aren’t I invited”? Each year I speak with people naturally weeping about how their life is honestly lonely during the holidays and they can’t wait for it to be over.
Pain is pain. Loss is loss. Who wouldn’t weep when life is not how you hoped it would be.
One tip that helps is:
1. Being solo right now hurts and IT WON’T HURT for always. New ideas will emerge. Next year could be amazing for you….
Change is never without tears. You know the list of things you can do to ease the pain; volunteering, comfort foods and movies, ideas for New Year and You, etc.
Here’s a short story that one of my clients chose to do:
Carrie (not her real name) was divorced and her kids were married. This year was not her year to be with them. It was the in laws celebration. They tried to do it all and just couldn’t.
Carrie made a choice. She was nervous and still she called her neighbor and asked if she could help for the holiday cooking, decorations, errands, and if she could stop by that day. She told them she didn’t have plans. She didn’t want them to have to say yes, come by, so she said, “You can say no and I won’t take it personally. I know it is family, special time.”
She left her embarrassing feeling of not having friends this year, family, or anything to do, and brought up a possibility for herself. What she didn’t know is that there are thousands of people who don’t have plans nor friends around. She didn’t know she had that part of her that could take a risk and ask for something she wanted at holiday time.
Her neighbor has three kids and a big family coming to visit. She was thrilled to have Carrie’s help. She acknowledged how out of the box and refreshing it is when someone asks for what they want. She and her neighbor didn’t see each other much during the year and still Carrie felt the good neighbor feeling.
Now she has that day to look forward to and not feel as lonely.
Another woman chose to make her home beautiful for herself and to celebrate all that she appreciates about herself and what she has given in her lifetime. She wrote the list on brown paper and taped it on her bedroom wall. She began writing what she wants to let go of and what she wants to bring towards her.
Christmas Eve she will walk in to her local church and listen to holiday music, leaving a donation since she isn’t a member. Still, sad, she wants something that puts her with others during the holiday.
2. WHAT DOESN’T HELP is to spin in your precious head about why you are left out or what is wrong with you? Stop that voice so it doesn’t take away from the inner and outer beauty of you. Treat yourself, and don’t feel like you shouldn’t, to something that lifts your spirits….candles, plants, cozy pajamas, slippers, etc.
May joy come your way and peace sit in your heart. You are not alone. You matter more than you remember.
Take good care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
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Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org
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