Our women’s Zoom support group has partnered and solo women. They gave me permission to use fake names and share some of what’s up for them. They wonder how other solo women are dealing with isolation.
Sadie is working from home. No pets. Her friends chat on face time. Her sorrow is she fears she missed her window to meet a partner. Online DATING never worked for her.
Linda has no job. Food industry is shut down. She is doing dancing online. Will she ever be able to be a MOM? She just wants this Sunday, Mother’s Day, to pass quickly. Her mother died 7 years ago.
All the sharing’s from these courageous women were about GRIEVING for what they thought would have arrived in their lives by now. What they wonder about is, “Maybe I shouldn’t have divorced him.” “What if I just kept dating online rather than the frustration whining?” “Solo is just not included in dinner parties, concerts, vacations.” “I feel judged by people, like I am a failure, because I am not married.” “All this time of sheltered in drives me crazy because I am OVER THINKING. I’m bored.” “I know I am a great person. I just haven’t been lucky in love.”
Living solo, for sure has challenges. You are the only one to motivate you to get out for a bike ride or to EXCERSIZE with online classes. You have to carry all the groceries in, clean, and put them away. You lose a creative moment and wish for someone on the SOFA to say,” hey what cha working on?” You miss sex. You miss a FOOT that crosses yours in bed. You want someone to make the coffee and bring it to you. You want someone who lives with you and is your person to have DEEPER conversations about what is life about now? I’m losing it from fear. Help me.” Yes, friends also have deep conversations with you and sometimes they are not available.
All the women talked about solo in a pandemic isn’t fair, even though they know life isn’t fair, they still feel that unfairness. It messes with their self-esteem at times and with their wellness practices. It is so natural for that to happen. We are all vulnerable and going it alone is beyond the badge of courage and resiliency. One woman said, “This might sound self-centered, but I do think it … we are also the HEROES of this time. Many would not survive the day and night of living solo.”
Being able to say what’s up for you right now and how you are feeling with a circle of TRUSTING, caring women, is valuable and fulfilling. It is a community, a belonging, and a healing. Sometimes you aren’t up for brainstorming another way, as all of you know, and gratefully having a safe place to share is more than ENOUGH.
Take extra good care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org
Oh boy, paragraph 4 and 5 sounded exactly what my brain has been saying! And with all that grief I even say to myself that people that are not solo may be envy the fact that we can just get up and go. But the difference is – there is no one to enjoy/share those experiences with.