Hello empty nesters,
I raised three kids, good times and suffering times. I am ready for me time and still I cry for all that has ended. It is normal, I know, but I just can’t do this part alone. I parented them and now I want to be parented. I can’t believe I just wrote that.
I just mean I am tired. I want guidance and a cheer leader for me. I will get over being tired, but I really know I need suggestions and caring to travel this emptiness of no kids at home and the wonderment of my new role with them. I get needy to hear from them. I want them to be independent and happy and still include me in what’s up for them. I am trying not to lead them and that is when I realized I am the one who wants to be led.
I am done with my career of teaching. I am an extrovert and leader. I just want someone to take the lead right now. Thank goodness it is sunny and I can be outside.
I am going on a vacation in August. I know how to have fun and friendships, but I want a new direction that adds to life. I don’t regret my wonderful family with my kids and devotion to them. I don’t even think I could have done anything differently to avoid this sadness. It is normal. My fear is missing out on something that I can’t see and losing that great school community where we were all in a similar stage of life…being parents. Now what without that community from school performances, sports, auctions, sleepovers, parent meetings, year to year graduation parties, well the list is long of what is over and the question is what is next.
Please share with me as I will with you.
Strong and sad at the same time,
Sara
Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org
Amen Amen, this is so hard I don’t even know how to put ito words, you said it all their is not much I can add, I just want to know when will it get better?
Elwanda
The important thing to remember is that what we are feeling is normal. The part that has been hardest for me is that I am an only child and have no parents or family to turn to. My parents passed away along time ago and my one and only son will be leaving the nest next June. I know that it is a year away, but as his Senior year approaches it seems harder and harder not to tear up all the time. I’m constantly wiping my eyes. I have to believe that time will heal this wound too.
I feel for your situation- I am in the same predicament- I have retired from teaching and loved my life then- I took it all for granted- I raised my children to have a passion for life- Now they are married and moved away. I have to stay here in my home with reminders of days gone by. I am struggling to think about my needs- but I don’t know what to do about feeling sadness. Good luck and keep traveling- open up new horizons for yourself- I am trying too.
WOW – thank God there are women out there like me – if I cry one more time – if I hurt one more time – if I die inside one more time. My kids were my life – my husband and I are still together and he is a blessing to deal with my ups and downs – Am I crazy – I see what my mother went through – I sometimes feel I am living her life. She passed in April and now my 19 year old wonderful daughter is looking to leave she want to go into the military – my God she is never home – she’s finding her direction – work school friends – the house is still and I feel like I have no purpose WOW.
I seemed to have lost myself or maybe I was always there just don’t recongnize me. Older – heavier – Wiser? Thanks for listening – What now?
Everything I just read here applies to me. I have cried for two weeks. My daughter graduated two weeks ago and will leave home for college in NYC. She is the last of three. I have been a mom for 26 years. I am a professional, but retired from my office job and have a small firm operating out of my mom. I also my elderly, infirmed mother in with me in August.
I am ready for my daughter to leave. I want her to have a great college experience. I am so excited for her.
But you touched it. I want someone to realize that I am still here. I need some tenderness. I feel lonely. I am proud of the children I have raised. I am married and love my husband, but I basically raised our children. I want someone to reach out to me – to understand that I hurt from my loneliness, from feeling unimportant and unneeded.
I know that I have to find something to get involved in. I will after we drop her off, but in the mean time I may need this site to get me through.
What a fluke! I went on a site called cafe Mom where Moms get together and chat. I didn’t see anything about Moms that are ..Well not really “Moms” anymore. That is my problem! I found empty nest support services and WOW!! I feel like I have instantly found friends, or at least people I have something in common with. I am not alone. At least that is a start. The ironic thing is that the more you were dedicated to the wonderful experience of Momhood, I think the tougher this transition is. I am happy to be here and hope I learn from all of you as well as provide support in any way I can!
I know just what everyone is going through – I was married – had a daughter of my own – then got custody of my husbands two boys – I had three teenagers from 12 on! They have all graduated and during the youngest boys senior year, my husband and I broke up (three teens and an ex-wife will put a strain on your marriage!) Anyway – now I have my own home – no one to care for and no one to care for me! I dont know what to do with myself. I did, and I do recommend this to everyone…….get a dog! There is someone there when you get home from work or wherever that is just so happy to see you and they need you! You can talk to them and they listen and they never, ever judge you! That’s my best advice – a dog will get me through this part of my life until the grandchildren arrive (and God I hope they do!)
Hang in there ladies and try to enjoy your free time before we are needed once again to babysit!
I too am very sad. I really want my children to be happy and independent, but I still want to be part of it all. I still want to hear all the details, I still want to be consulted. I still want someone to ask what I think. And as if it was not bad enough to no longer feel needed being older is tough. That really adds to the distress. The feeling of being pushed aside. We have truely moved into the back ground. My son left for college last fall (08) and now my last one, my daughter is leaving this fall (09). My sister also died in 08. Too many life changing events it too short a time.
How did raising 3 kids all by myself go by so fast and why didn’t I realize at the time that this was the best time of my life. I am so very sad and lonely now and so agree with everything everyone else is saying. I have been divorced for a very long time and decided to give my life to my kids instead of to a man…and maybe that wasn’t the right thing to do…as now I am so alone and so isolated socially. I have girlfriends and I have dogs but in the end it is a male companion that I need to be emotionally and physically intimate with and have someone for once in my life take care of me just once in a while.
I would really love to get a support group going…does anyone live in the South Bay area of Los Angeles?
I agree with you totally. I was sad for so many days after the kids moved out. They are married and I am still feeling sadness. Maybe because I was a supermom and I was so dedicated to them. I was so involved in their lives. When they left they never looked back. My hubby hardly noticed they left. He is NEVER HOME now. While I was so busy with the kids- he took full advantage and now has so many hobbies. I have lost some friends who moved away so I am even more depressed and desperate for attention. (It is the opposite for my hubby who has so many chums that he can golf with or play pool etc.) I need to start changing my priorities. I don’t get excited about keeping my home beautiful and neat anymore.(The kids hardly visit – I have to travel to see them) I guess I could use some therapy- I need to find new meaning in my life- I can’t seem to read or paint or find a hobby. I must be unable to concentrate for some reason- maybe I should get off the pity pot-for starts- GOOD LUCK- hope everyone is doing better than me.
It is not just because we dedicated our lives to being mothers! I had plenty of other interests and didn’t even have children until I was 34. It is simply because they are people we love in a way that is like no other love. Then they are gone and we must grieve but we are not really allowed to…at least not so anyone except other moms can hear. When they are children we tell them they can tell us anything…all their problems but when they are adults we cannot share our problems with them and we should be able to. Maturity means being responsible as well as independent. I think our society punishes mothers for grieving if they don’t do it in some dark corner. When I studied anthropology, I learned about all the rules regarding grown children and their responsibilities to their elders. We have no such expectations. We are adrift and women are made to believe it is about their own insecurities rather than the lack of support in our modern culture. We have no one to talk to but each other. Even many husbands are not open to hearing about a mother’s grief. It is seen as weakness. The media has made it worse.
Wow, I can’t sleep and you sound just like I feel too. i raised my three children on my own. I gave up my life and moved back with my mom. Then I took care of my mom, worked, etc, etc, and now the last child moved out, my mom died and I bought her home, and lost everything I worked for and my kids don’t even call. I am so lost. My baby daughter just moved out 6/1 and I know she needs to fly way but really, don’t you think our kids could care a little more. I’m gonna lose my home, in foreclosure, and it means nothing to them. i am so lost. I am so sad. I am so afraid. It’s not that I want them to take care of me, but it would be nice if they showed alittle
concern. I hope that you are doing better. Would like to talk again lanelois76grace@sbcgobal.net
One more comment Live in Chicago but thinking about moving to warmer climate. Anyone interested in starting over like the golden girls or home sharing, let’s live alittle lanelois76grace@sbcgobal.net
I reared 6 children and we went through a lot of good times and hard times, but this is so hard! My children were my life. Even when i had my own business and traveled, i always came home to them, the drama, the needs, the “home” I made for us. I moved away from my home town where most of the kids are now, with lives of their own, thinking it would be “my turn”. Now I don’t know how to meet people- never had to before with so many kids around! I feel so lost and even a little crazy. I was never lonely before-even though i haavr been single for a long time. I love my grandchildren..but I have no life of my own apart from them really.
Hi all,
I so feel your pain and loss as I too have launched two sons to their journeys, soon after divorced and subsequently sold the family home. I did keep the dog, however..what a joy and salvation.
My question…What is the up side of this Empty Nest Syndrome? What’s good about it? What’s funny about it? I know we can answer these questions.
Remember just dying to have the house to yourself?
Remember a bath without someone knocking on the door?
Remember craving time to do…..(fill in the blank)
Help me think of somethings….it feels better.
Maggie- I agree too- with your comment that society never considers a mother’s grief of losing her children- and then the children are clueless as to what to do to help or give emotional support for Mom. I think this will only get worse in our society because young people are more self-absorbed than ever. They have their own support networks using technology every minute of the day. If I could twitter them (my own kids )maybe they would respond more to me. Don’t you think that in their eyes it’s just not “cool” to be that communicative with your mother. We are pushed way down on their list of priorities. I don’t want you to think I’m bitter- just facing reality. SA
I think you have hit upon something REALLY important here. The expectation of parenthood in the West is a complete one way street. Parents provide for the needs of the children. The Eastern model is so much better. Children return the obligation when they are adult. The grief and feelings of redundancy, uselessness and not being of much consequence to those we love so much are devastating and seem to make for a purposeless life. SO relieved to find this site and so many similar experiences. It must be a huge silent syndrome.
I need help.
All of the above comments precisely capture my feelings. I’m suffering, and searching for support as my daughter prepares to leave for college across the country in three weeks. I’m additionally depressed because my family is frustrated by my withdrawn sadness. I want to know if any of you have turned to anti-depressants, and I want to know how long I’m going to suffer.
Jennifer, I read about your sadness and understand your pain- but be careful when thinking an anti-depressant might work for you. I went on some medication and then I stopped as soon as I could. I think if you are going through peri-menopause your sadness is compounded by erratic hormonal surges. Check with a doctor and get a test to see if you are more depressed that you should be at this stage in your life- due to other conditions such as peri-menopause. Any kind of drug can mask your feelings- then later you still have to face a life style change- I wish you luck- So many women are going through this grief.
I’m sitting here at work, on the verge of tears. My son left yesterday for a girl and job 1500 miles away. He was the last person you’d think would do that. He has a very large circle of friends in our hometown, and commuted to college because he never wanted to move away. My younger one suffers from depression. He bought a place not to far away and is scheduled to move out this month. He is relapsing now. My elderly mom is starting to show signs of dementia. All I do is cry and want things the way they were. I came to these boards, but sometimes I find that there’s a long time between posts. I feel so needy. Thanks for listening.
Janet- So sorry to hear how awful your situation is right now. I can identify on some level. You are in a position to still be a care giver for a parent and a son who is fragile – hope everything works out for you. I know how you may feel that this is not what you planned. I feel that way too- I am battling my feelings of loneliness all the time. My husband has cancer and my children both moved far away. They are so busy in their lives they can’t travel often to see us. My husband is doing well for the most part- he is really in a remission-but I worry about the mental part- he gets (mildly) depressed and then I have to cheer him up- it is so hard to live a “normal” life at times and also get over the empty nest . I have wished for a return to my life before my husbands diagnosis- and also I long for my kids to want to come home- sometimes I feel like a big cry- baby- I can’t nag my kids to come home! I want to return to my former life too- take care and good luck!
I hope you are doing better since you posted on Empty Nest. My only child will be leaving for college next year. I have been a single parent for 16 years, and my son and I have had a great life together. I’ve been preparing for him to leave since junior high (it seems). I know myself, and I knew that I had to be prepared so I wouldn’t fall apart. I have not dated and am fine with that. I like my independence and am *trying* to look forward to having my home to myself. I know that it will be a new phase in my life and that I can never go back to what it was, but that’s life, right? I’m so grateful that my son gets to have his adventure. So, I’ve been planning my new adventure so I don’t get left behind (in my mind). For years I’ve planned to get involved with CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate). Have you considered volunteering?
You are right about geting a dog. I have two. My son is leaving home for the fith time and it still hurts as bad as the first.
Hi Nancy, I read what you wrote and can definatly relate.I hope things have gotten better for you since the post I just read was some time ago.
Thank you all for this site & blog. I had my children young and I never explored the world .. They were my world for so long that I am blusting out of the parental role..My women in my comuninity act like they are ready to be grandparents or just bitter..I want to live a life I had to give up when I became a single mom & widow. My problem is how to begin….I try to find outlets in my city but all cater to a young family or the old. Never for the single woman….I miss my kids at times but to free the yolk of servatude I just want to find “ME” again.
I have depression about my daughter leaving .cry all the time
all I can say right now, since I’m crying..again… is wow, ‘cuz I thought I was going crazy, but so many people feeling like this…only another mother could understand….I’ll try to post something later, all you ladies, stay strong
Hi Sara, I’m sad and am not strong. My daughter was my life. Off to college she went this year. I’m so happy for her but I miss my life with her. Who am I kidding, taking care of and supporting my child was my life. Who am I now? No sports, no parties, sleepovers, school interactions, and no daily routine. I throw myself into my work, school teacher by day, depressed and sad by night. Everyone thinks Im ok, but I am not. I cry as I type these words. Where did the 18 years go and oh how quickly they flew. Life will never be the same again. Our home is so quiet. I keep her door closed and dont go in it because its just toooooooo hard and sad. Its November now and she left in August. Please give me some words of encouragement. My husband is great but he doesnt feel the same. I still want to be involved, hear all the details, give advice but I realize that life as a once knew it will never be the same and I can’t seem to bear that thought. I have no real life now. Sure I attend church, but I have no real friends. My family, mom and sisters, live in another state. Ive tried to move on but Im stuck like a truck in mud!!!!! Most days its more than I can bare.
Well, I can relate to so many of you. I have two daughters ages 21 and 23. They have been my world since the day they were born. My husband works out of town, and one way of filling the empty time while he was gone was to stay involved with my girls’ lives. They were very active in high school, and I was always there to cheer them on. Now, they are both getting married–four months apart!! The first wedding is December 3rd…less than a month away. The second wedding is April 7th. The empty-nest syndrome has hit me like a ton of bricks recently because although they both still live at home, they are never at home! They work, spend time with fiances, and one still is in school. My husband works one week in Louisiana and then he is home for a week. The week he is home, I do much better.I have a purpose. I am a wife and we cook dinner together and eat together and talk with each other. I’m not all alone. I am a high school teacher and so during the day, I’m okay. It’s the nights and week-ends when I am all alone that I just cannot stand it. I am tired of eating meals alone, of spending all week-end alone, and I cry all the time. When I’m not crying, I’m fighting back the tears. My oldest daughter told me Saturday that she wished that I wouldn’t be sad so much and that I would laugh and smile like I used to. It all just spilled out of me. I told her, “What is there to be happy about? I see what my future is going to be, and it is filled with lonliness and sadness. My role in life is over. I don’t know who I am or what I’m supposed to do now.” It was a shock to me because I had not admitted to myself or anyone else that I was feeling like this. I just knew that I have been terribly sad for such a long time. People will say, “You need to go out with friends.” Really? All of my friends are married, and they don’t want a third wheel when they are out with their husbands. Besides, if the truth be known, I only have work friends. You know, the kind that you eat lunch with and talk to at work, but never outside of work? I honestly do not have any friends. How did I get to be 45 years old and not have friends? I’ll tell you how. I was too busy making a life for my husband and kids. Some where along the journey, I lost me! And so how can I move forward when I don’t know who I am, or where I belong? I feel like I am in limbo…waiting for my husband to come back home, only for him to leave me again a week later. Even worse, this will be his last year home for Christmas. I can’t even bear to think about waking up next year alone on Christmas morning. I know it sounds like I’m borrowing sadness, but it’s just where I am at the moment. I don’t know where to turn for answers.
I have to say, I knew that there were other moms out there feeling the same as I did. But I didn’t have words to explain how I’ve been feeling until I read some of these posts!! My only child is 18 now. He graduated from high school this past June and goes to the local Community College. He is planning to move in with some friends locally by the end of the year. Of course, even though he’s still “at home,” he’s really not here. I have been removed from the important status I once held in his life. I, of course, am excited for him and happy that he’s getting the opportunity to live on his own. I’m also proud of my husband and I for raising a kid to be independent and, frankly, for WANTING to get the heck out of here. It would be wonderful to share these things with my husband. However, to add insult to injury, my husband got a promotion requiring a lot of travel about the same time our son “checked out.” yes, I hear what everyone says – get a hobby; spend time with friends; blahblah. What I want to know is how, after 18+ years of devoting myself to being a mom – and sincerely loving each moment of it, do I get over the sadness long enough to WANT to be around anyone but my kid? My husband really tries to listen, but he’s gone so much, and so “all about the business” when he is, that I’ve kind of been left to fend for myself. I’d love to know how long this emotional roller coaster can be expected to last.
I just spent my first Thanksgiving afternoon & evening with out cooking a meal and without my family. My daughters are both married and on their own (22 & 19). My son is 16 and has the remainder Jr year plus Sr year left. The husband I are not on the best of terms, still married & living together but it is like we are from 2 different worlds. I find myself sad and worried about my future most all the time, although I try to hide it from my family. I want them to ~fly~ on their own, I’m proud of them and would never hold them back because of my needs. It’s just like each of you have said above…I don’t know who I am or what I’m supposed to do or where I go from here. My kids have been my whole life. How does this happen? All of a sudden, one day I realize my life no longer seems to have purpose. I realize I have very few friends, the ones I do have are busy with their own lives and don’t have time to spare. I feel so pathetic, really, to be feeling this way. But it is so wonderful to hear from all you other moms who are dealing with the same issues, who understand what it’s like. I’m glad to know I’m not ~loosing it~, as I so often feel. The loneliness is almost unbearable, what do I do now? I can’t seem to focus on anything. I know I need to find my new place and develope a life of my own, I just don’t have a clue how to do that. Not sure where I fit in or what my role is now? I would make it a little easier if my husband understood and was supportive, but he seems to try and avoid it altogether. He’s never home, always working or with his friends. When he is home, he stays in the bedroom watching tv or is asleep. Wow…what a difference in my life from just a few short years ago when all the family was always out doing something together. Best of luck to each of you. Knowing so many moms are going through this and that so many have made it through and surrived…gives me hope. Maybe this won’t last too long?
I’m not sure if people are still responding to this post…but I really hope so. I can’t tell you how relieved I am to read these letters because so many people have described exactly what I’m going through. My kids are 27 and 25 and have been gone for many years now. Although I pretend daily, I’m so sad about the changes that have happened and I truly wonder what’s left in life. My friends don’t seem to be suffering the way I am, so I keep quiet. I’m a teacher too, like many of you, but have recently retired. My entire adult life was spent with and for my kids and I always had a house full. Meals were wonderful and so much fun. I miss my kids so much and my “mom” years.
Hi,
I’m new to this, and I too hope that people are still checking in. My only son has left for college. I have been divorced for 15 years, and so it has been my son and I for all of that. I am lost. Crying a lot. Can’t go in his room. I realize that I always just identified with being a mom, and now although I am just 51, I guess I feel like my life’s purpose is done, so now what? To make it worse, now I have no more child support, so I am barely able to make ends meet. Everyone says, “Go out more, travel..” I have about 8-10 dollars left for the week after paying bills. I come home after a long day of work, and there is NO ONE to even say “hi” to. I just want to know that this will get better.
I have been going through one thing after another after my youngest girl, who is 19, just got up and left because of the rules in the house. She went to live with people she met on the internet ( I found out they are 7 hours away) even though I have no idea who they are. I found a web site she goes on so I can see what she’s doing and it just keeps getting worse and worse. Just when I thought I was used to her living with these people for about 4 months now, she posted she has a job with minimum pay and is going to travel. I started crying all over again wondering…why do these strangers get to go through this with her after I spent 19 extremely hard years just to get her through regular school!! She posted on this web site about some guy she liked and everything. And I can’t even talk to her because according to her we are no longer her family, yet these other strangers are. OMG!! I thought I was going to have to go to a mental ward (and still think I might) after finding out this child I raised is someone so totally different than I thought.
I called my husband and cried since he is gone so much because he is a truck driver and all he did was yell at me to STOP! Yeah, that’s going to help!!!! So sick of him acting like it’s no big deal! Hellooooooooo!! She walked out with the clothes on her back and her purse…no car, no phone, no money that I know of…NOTHING! I was so mad at that time I let her go and figured she’d be back like so many other times. I found out she hopped on a bus to some other people and is living with them and disowning us.
I cried every day for 3 months and just recently stopped crying all day, maybe only nights and now THIS! She got some job saying they are going to send her traveling around somewhere (she didn’t say in her post) and she just graduated high school and has never left home before!! She BARELY passed high school so my biggest fear is WHAT KIND OF JOB WOULD HIRE SOMEONE WITH NO EXPERIENCE AND SEND THEM TRAVELING TO WHO KNOWS WHERE????
And the worst part is my husband nor anybody else seems to care! I have to hold my feelings inside around others and God forbid I open my mouth to talk about her because all I get is either “rolling eyes”, stop talking about it or ignored.
Then tonight when my husband (while on the road) yelled at me for crying all over again because of this new information, instead of him being worried he was mad at ME! Saying, “It’s all about you”. I just slammed the phone down and said I can’t take this anymore. I’m tired of being the ONLY one that seems to take this seriously and the fact she is old enough to be on her own does not make her mature enough to know what she is getting into!!! DOES THAT MAKE SENSE??
I just hope people are still reading this because I cannot sleep and I’ve been feeling sick so much and of course the guilt of all this (because I let her walk out the door) is KILLING ME! If anything happens to her, I will never forgive myself!!!
Hi. Well you are not alone. I am going through the empty nest feelings however my daughter is just now moving out at 26 years old. In a way I feel I’ve been slowly going through the letting go process since she was19. I feel that I’ve been lucky to have her at home with me for these extra years, even though she had a full life of her own and was gone a lot, I knew she’d be coming through the door every night or in the mornings. I am and have been a single parent since she was 5 years old. I was devoted and we are very close. She’s met a wonderful guy and I am so happy for them, but I too … feel like What do I do now? I have lots of friends, a good job, I’m a doer – I don’t like to stay down for long, but this is a huge life change and it sucks. It feels like everything is being taken away. I know that sounds so drastic, but that’s how it feels. Both dogs will go with her as they are her dogs, but I’ve grown so attached to them – it’s going to kill me to not have those big babies around. We have a kitty that I will keep. It’s just going to be different and so quiet and if I don’t think of something to keep myself busy, I will surely get depressed and down and out and that’s just not an option. I don’t want to be that kind of person. I want to live life! I also want to be a part of their life and I know I will, but just in a different capacity. Placed on the back burner for sure, but we all must remember that we’re not alone in this and our own Mom’s went through this process. Anyone in Los Angeles area want to start a support group? Might be fun for us.
Family pets are a comfort but not cutting the bill for me, for the absence that I feel. I have two kids. One is still here but in college and working. We pass each other on our schedules. The other has moved on his own and works multiple jobs. I raised good kids. I accept everything for what it is but am yet to find my new purpose. Everything was for them because it was what I had to do. In addition of working, I developed no close friendships during their raising due to either the single mom-fear syndrome of other married parents or other single moms in kids network of friends were seriously out there on drugs or not wanting to fulfill parental duties at all. I am an only child myself and always thought that I was comfortable being alone until now, now that I have had the bond of my own family and all the happenings that came with it. This is truly alone. Silence is no more relished but dreaded. Ugh! I am at such a loss. I have my parents, but they seem to be suffering to as due to my absense through work. I am not as accessible or the grandchildren to them. It is brutale. Can’t codile(possible spelling issue) them sufficiently in elder age or myself at this point. I lost my 18 year career due to the economy and am in a new industry that is to now subject to more economical reform change after five year. I am 46 years old, barely hanging on via career/workforce to all that I have worked for and now this empty nest thin is a root problem. Didn’t fully recognize what is was until recent and need other people’s advice and solutions to get my “mojo” back.
hello, i’m new to this site. anyone have advice on where to begin; see, i stay in my marriage (24 yrs) because of our children, and also because i do not have very good income potential & due to staying home for periods of time with my family. my kids are 19, 21, and 23, all with lives of their own now. i’ve tried for all these years to ‘hope’ my husband would be the man i know he could be, but have lost hope, to make a long story short. i’m miserable, i want a new life, but fear the unknown.
Since my first son was born, I have defined myself as a “Dad”. Then two more came along and I have been a Dad for 31 years. Now I am not. The last one left today – they are spread across the country, good men, pursuing their own lives. Their mother and I are still together but I don’t know how we will relate to each other without the guys here to cushion the conversations. I still have my career, but it was always second to being a father, so there is no great passion in that. It’s just a lost emptiness, sort of melancholy. Memories from 31 years float all over the place. Hoo boy. I typed “empty nest what do I do now?” into the search bar and came to this site. So here I am. What do I do now?
Hello, I’m new here. In reading all your post I felt a little bit less alone in my feelings. Since I was 18 all I ever known was to be a mom and now I feel lost without my boys here. My youngest (19) moved into his own place 2 weeks ago, and my oldest (21)moved to college. I feel like I didn’t have enough time with them, at least not as much as I wanted. When they were little I never thought this day would come so fast… But it did. The house is so empty, I leave their bedroom doors closed just so I can pretend they’re in their room. I cry all the times when I’m alone, in front of everybody I pretend to be fine, because otherwise I’m told I’m to sensitive, over reacting. After we retired from the military and moved here I don’t have any friends that are close to me, and the ones that I do have still have small children so they don’t understand what I’m feeling. I don’t have any family, just my husband . I don’t think my husband even understand how I feel, and if he does, he sure doesn’t show it. We have a good marriage, but with boys leaving it feels like we’re further apart instead of closer. I feel lonely, empty, not needed, a chunk of my heart left with my kids. Don’t get me wrong, I’m very happy for them, they are starting a new chapter in their life, I’m exited for them for all the things they’re going to experience, they are two amazing brilliant young man! But I do still want to be a part of it, I want to be asked for my opinion. I light up when I get a phone call or a text. I’m happy when they can make it for a visit. Every hug I get from them when I see them I cherish so much, it makes me feel special. I need to find something to do, a way to figure out my place in life, and my new role in their life. I just have no clue how yet, but somehow I have to. Sorry for the long pity party…:) thank you for listening.
I too, have a new role as Mom. Only child is in second year of college. I suppose I had expectations of spending time together during her first summer home. Not so.
Should not have had that expectation–dont know why I did. I am not particularly needy; but am experiencing loss due to early retirement due to disabilty. I miss teaching, I miss the little people, and my opportunity to do God’s work; even if just to help the little ones…
I see now I do have a new role as Mom, no longer hero, and knower of everything. I am No longer her everything, everyplace. She is a good person. I am proud of her. Just miss the mom years, poof–gone.
Thank You and God Bless You All for being here now.