Hello,
I am a mom of two. Worked, married, but I guess not much of a planner for “someday” I will be an empty nester.
I don’t feel that badly about not planning, I feel badly that I am so sad and don’t want to be feeling this pain. It is not a critical issue like the world today, but I am mom and those are my children going far, far, away.
Sometimes I just cry and close the door to hide. This is our last summer as we were and even that has changes, of course, since it is their last summer as before.
I am trying to not be controlling of wanting Fourth of July BBQ together, or a road trip because they want their friends.
Nothing will bring back soccer, theater, seeing their friends at school and our home nor all the school fairs, library days, luncheons for teachers , nor the simple days of get up, gotta get him to swim practice, car pool, homework, projects, shopping, cooking, decisions, tears, skinned knees, fevers and rocking chairs, adorable dancing and questions in the den, birthday parties. Oh the tears.
So I have decided to cry when I do and not stop being someone I am not. I remind myself at least I got to be a mom and be safe most of their life. I have no idea what will fill all my free time. I can’t even really go there because summer is fun time and family and catching up on work and tears of tomorrow and yesterday.
I just hope something comes to me in August that will be exciting and not just a filler of time. I will try and plan something comforting like your articles say, for when I come home to a childless house.
Thank goodness I found this website. I am normal and that counts for a lot these days.
Is anyone else dreading the goodbye and crying on and off?
Brianna
Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org
As I read your story, it was all I could do to see the words as the tears were streaming.
My son just turned 17 today. He met a girl in an online chatroom 4 years ago. She is 3 years older and a few months ago, she left home and drove half way across the United states, found an apartment and a part time job. It is obvious she is here to stay. My husband and I welcomed her into our home and after a few weeks, she was practically living with us…Not staying overnight, but going home at 12:00 each night.
Working less and less hours on her job…not sure how she is paying her bills.
My son came to me last night and told me of their plans when he turns 18. They will get a place together and be room mates….
This is our 9th year of homeschool and we only have one more year. At least he agrees to finish that. We have paid for guitar classes for 4 years. He is such a great guitar player and really has a future in music. Since she has moved here, he doesn’t even practive or play his guitar. For years we have had the agreement that he would stay home until age 21 while he went to college for 2 years and took computer courses.
He is a computer whiz and has always wanted to work at Best Buy or a computer store.
We have discussed this so many times during the past few years and he has agreed to getting himself established before leaving home.
After being around this girl for the last few months, I can see she is a user.
What do I do about it now? We stopped her from coming over everyday and limited their visits to 2 times during the week and a date on the weekend.
That isn’t enough for them and I feel they are trying to threaten me if I don’t do things their way or my son will leave.
I’m not doing well at all right now. When I think how hard my son and I have worked together to get to this point and now he is willing to just throw it all away.
What do I do?
signed:
mom needs help
My youngest now 20 left home last year!I also have a 26 and 24 year old. My 26 year old has two kids, who I adore (maybe a little too much).My oldest lives just down the street and my two others live in the next street over. I’m blessed my kids are so close to me. Unfortunatly, I jusat don’t know how to stop being their Mom. I’m there for them all whenever they need me, fianncially or whatever. I feel as though it is a thanksless job though. My oldest daughter told ne I have to live my life and let them grow! Yet, I’m confused though, as all 3 of them call me daily especially when they want to talk or “want something”.I have always been a strong family person, and would rather die than not be around my kids. I’m 51 and latley I have felt really depressed and sad, and wuite honestly so lonely. I was put on this earth to be a mom, and that is all I know how to do. Help me understand what I’m going through.
I know how you feel about thinking motherhood is a thankless job sometimes. My advice to Mandy is to look beyond your role as a Mom. I know it is hard to do when you have been so devoted. Let’s face it-our kids learn to take advantage by our own indulgences and efforts to please them so much. I think we need to grow as people too. As they show independence so should we- why not shock them and say you are leaving for a trip- then take off for weeks(if you can do it) Show them you have a separate life too. They will mature as adults and respect you more. Don’t give in to giving them so much – epecially if you do without. I found out the hard way and cried many times about the lack of desire my kids had to come home and visit me. Now I have put that out of my mind and have moved on-I visit them still- but I try to look on the positive side- they have learned not to depend on the Bank of MOM and Dad- also they have worked out a better visiting schedule- good luck PA