My son got into the college of his choice and we have been celebrating. Now I feel a huge relief. It sounds silly, but I had this thought of accepting that I am no longer the mom he needs daily. I have good and bad days about that.
I feel like I always have to be strong for my family. I of course cry about not seeing him daily come July. At the same time, I have a tiny smile about more free time for me. I am tired.
I can’t really say much about accepting myself for who I am because I have been so busy for years that I just need to know who I am. Part of the not accepting that needs no thought is, I am getting older faster than I like.
Being a mom with kids in school makes me feel youthful. Without the kids at home, I am not sure how active I will be. I don’t mean I will be sitting at home but more that I won’t have the active energy to feed off of when the house was so full of kids and their friends.
I don’t want to just run around so the day ends faster. I want to run into me.
Does anyone else feel like this? Thank you.
Jamie
Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org
Hi Jamie,
Yes! Yes! I feel like that often. My newest saying is ” I miss me, has anyone seen me?” Trying to use humor to deflect the emptiness and lack of identity.
I have been a Mom for so long, I don’t know what else to be. I loved being a Mom, so it isn’t a role I am easily relinquishing.
My youngest left last September and the days just drag by. I wake up thinking about him, and go to sleep thinking about him. It has gotten better, I don’t cry for hours on end anymore, and I am able to laugh some now. It was further complicated by losing my job. So, I am trying to find a new one, but my career choice was mother.
So, yes, others feel the same way, and you are very “normal”. I just want you to know that time does make it easier, and the sun shines again. Just not in the same way it used to, and that is the part that creates grief. Be kind to yourself, and when you feel good, great! When you feel sad, let yourself go through those emotions, it is how we heal. You will find you, in time, OK?
Thank you for putting a voice to my feelings …..I’m waiting thru my tears for things to get better. I recently downsized our home, moved to a new city (40 miles away..feels like a 1000) and sent my youngest off to college. I wake up every morning just wanting to go home and have my kids be there.
Here is hoping that I can find “me” and my home.
Tracy
I am so thankful that I took the time to research and find other women going through the same grief I am experiencing. I thought I was really losing it. I only have one son and I have moved away from him. Long story but I am totally grief stricken and had to reach out for support. Thank you very much!!! It is nice to know that I am not alone. All I know is being a mother…it is the most difficult transition I have EVER encountered.
thank you for your comments. this is all new to me. I cry everyday at anything. I am so sad but it is so good to know that I am not alone and that it does get better.
When my oldest left for college I compared it to dropping him off for kindergarten and finding that he was not there to pick up. My comfort was my daughter and all her activities, I soon knew that she too, would no longer need me. I soon got the most beautiful time to spend 9 months with my grandson!! I came home to a very unstable relationship with my husband, and went through a divorce. I am so proud that my children are very successful and have a full life, and feel proud that I do not have to help them succeed, that they are doing it themselves. But just as the women described above, I have done a job so well, I am no longer needed. I fill my days with work, exercise, and helping anyone that even hints at needing it, but the whole inside me is still gigantic. I dont cry like I use to, but I miss making home made cookies, and my little ones dancing with joy. There are so many help books to teach us how to potty train our little ones, but no one said one day you will be obsolete, and it will hurt like nothing you’ve ever felt…where is the book to take this pain away?
I have 4 sons. One in Med school, one married, one away at college and one working, never home and ready to move out.
I have been a full time mom for 25 years at the same time been self employed with my husband and managed all the accounting in a very successful business. I was able to work out of our home and be a full time mom. Without my family I am totally falling apart. My oldest is so busy with medical school and his girlfriend works so much that when they have time together it’s to see her family, my other son is attending his masters program and married with a new baby. His wife, my daughter in law is best friends with her mother so I do t get to see them much. When we do they are sweet yet it pains me still. My third oldest is away at college and my baby is 19 and almost gone. I feel so proud of all my boys. They are all beautiful well educated self driven young men who mean the world to me. Yet I sit here day in and day out feeling sad. I miss them, I miss our family, I miss knowing who I am and what my purpose is. If I had a daughter she would at least be calling home or coming home to visit. This holiday my boys went to their girlfriends or wife’s family and I felt extremely sad. I am having a very difficult time with how to pull out of this. I was hoping on finding a support group in my area. Any suggestions?
Saf:
I wish someone told me to prepare for this. It is by Far the most painful thing I’ve ever go e thru and I’m searching for that book. Hope your doing well all of you.