with Natalie caine

What Do I Do?

5 Responses

1. Monty says:

   January 5, 2013 at 9:49 pm

   I have no answers for you just someone else crying with you. Everything in this house reminds me of my daughter and I burst into tears. The pool I put in with three ceramic Turtles. Mommy turtle, Daddy turtle, daughter turtle. I looked at it today and started balling. All the “things” I read to do are nonsense. It feels like my soul has been ripped out of me, how can I find the energy to do anything.
   My entire world revolved around showing her life experiences, fun things to do and see, watching her face as she experienced everything. Now that’s all gone. No more theme parks, Zoo’s, walks on the beach, no more seeing her face light up at everything new. That will never happen again.
   How can one possible find the energy or even the spirit to do anything. I could care less about a sunset, but would drive miles to show it to her and see her face.
   So sorry, I’m no help to you, just know I’m as miserable as you are.

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2. jshover says:

   January 7, 2013 at 3:12 pm

   I do not have any answers either. My son is in the army and in March his family is moving. My grandson is 14 months. My daughter moved out and is in school. I am divorced and so very sad. I did not have a great marriage so I threw everything into my kids. It was me and them against the world. I am so glad my children have moved on in a very healthy way but I can not lose the sadness.

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3. jumpinjackieflash says:

   January 13, 2013 at 10:25 am

   It helps me to know that other mothers are going through this passage of life, although I am sad for all of us. When I had my first son, I knew that everything else I had done was insignificant compared to being a mother. I loved the vocation and felt the happiest I had ever been. Our 2nd son was more of a challenge but I loved and love them both so much. I had no career before I had children, just jobs, but I did manage to finish my BA before Son #2 was born. Since then I have worked only very sporadically, substitute teaching in the schools they were attending at the time. I’m fortunate that my husband can support us and by staying home with the boys, I have helped him achieve what he has in his career. Of course I get no salary for what I have done! And no recognition from society, either.
   My husband has been very involved in his career so I did everything for and with the kids. I wouldn’t say I have been over-involved but I never found any deep interest of my own along the way. I was 34 when my first was born, so raising them has taken a lot of energy – I’m not starting out this empty-nest thing as a younger woman. I’m now 55, almost 56. Too young to retire, but too old (I feel) to start a new career. And I have no idea what I would even want to do!
   My husband doesn’t understand how hard this is. I’ve tried to explain to him – imagine if you were told you could no longer have your career that you love, and it’s the only thing you’ve ever loved to do like that, and you feel it is your calling, but suddenly that part of your life is over. What do you do, where do you go, how do you create your dreams when you had your dream job for 20 years?? I’m not a particularly creative person nor am I driven to achieve external goals. I am satisfied with my vocation as a mom although I know my husband will continue to pressure me to “do something.”
   I went through menopause early at 40 so that’s long over, but now I feel my age. I love my sons so much and I am excited about their futures, but not my own. No one seems to have any answers for me – how does a woman my age re-create herself, or is it even possible?

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4. Patti says:

   January 14, 2013 at 3:01 pm

   My daughter just went back to college yesterday from winter break. It’s like August all over again. I spent almost 2 months crying and not knowing what I would do when my car didn’t pull in the driveway at 3:30 with my girl coming home…I found myself acting like my parents…my Daddy worrying all the time and limiting my goals and my momma making me feel guilty for not spending enough time with her even when I WAS with her. I made my Emily cry one Saturday afternoon by not being able to appreciate our time together. Please know, I am talking about myself, not saying others are guilty of the same, but that day in October, I promised my daughter, my husband and myself that it was over, the grieving had to end. The grieving of the raising my only child being over…my dream of having a little girl who was my best friend. She is still my best friend and I think she appreciated her time at home for Christmas so much more because I told her from the start that I wanted her to act just like she did when she lived here full time, not to feel like she had to babysit her momma. She and I stayed up late some nights watching movies, she spent time with her first real boyfriend and she worked at a local department store. I thought I would be able to handle her leaving better, thought I had “adjusted” but I am so overwhelmed today…my husband (thank God I have him, I don’t know how you do anything with a child alone…) works until 7 p.m., I am disabled and overweight and I have dealt with Clinical (not situational) depression my entire life. I fight so hard to not be sad but even my husband cried all evening after leaving her at school yesterday. Like he said, “I know she is happy and she is so well-behaved and mature and thank God we don’t have to worry about that, but, wow, it just feels so much more like home when all 3 of us are here.” She is happy, she loves her courses, made straight A’s and we have had to really work hard and sell some treasured items to pay for her to live there because she wanted to experience living away from home so badly. She loves us, no doubt (she even cried when she left yesterday, for the first time, she didn’t fight it). When she first left I almost wished she would cry and call more, but after yesterday, I don’t want to see her cry anymore. I want her to leave here happy knowing that “I’ll be right here when you get back”. I choose to let her Daddy take her back because it gives them time alone and I am worse when I have to leave her there than having them leave me here at home waving and blowing kisses. I am so sorry for everyones pain here and I so understand. I guess I am trying to remember what I have to be thankful for today instead of dwelling on how bad I miss my best friend…so far it isn’t working, there is a cloud over our happy home right now. I’ll pray for all the other mommas out there and I hope you will do the same for me :'(

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5. jumpinjackieflash says:

   January 16, 2013 at 9:50 pm

   I know how you feel. One of mine left last weekend and one is leaving on Saturday. Hubby and I like the peace and quiet but it feels weird and sad at the same time. Our older is only 90 minutes from home but the younger is 4 hours away, too far, IMO. Man this is hard.

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