with Natalie caine

November 6, 2009 | by Natalie Caine | No Comments

Just when you get yourself in the driver’s seat of your new role as a parent and new interests, children come back.

You can relate to this road that you wish you didn’t have to travel.  I am here to remind you that you are the driver.

I remind you. You remind me.  We don’t want to give up what took us pain, trial and error, and time to develop.  We learned to shift our role as parents but children come home and want the old parent back….even though you warned them there would be “consequences” to growing up. Good consequences for all. Adults…..

But the point is, don’t give up your routine.  Yes you want to be flexible and enjoy the short or long stay when they come to visit, but you don’t have to go back to being the manager, cook, cleaner, problem solver, bank, nurse and doctor.  You get to choose how you want the time to be.  They can cook dinner for all of you. They can keep the noise down since you get up the next morning for work. They aren’t guests who deserve a vacation at your expense.

And, there are no rules….paradoxes again. It is like potty training. What worked one day may be an accident the next!

Key is to remind yourself of your morals and values and what punches your buttons.  Are you carrying unrealistic expectations and therefore setting yourself up for resentment? Resentment towards yourself that you didn’t see what you needed to see before you started screaming.  Yes, mistakes will happen.  Carry on….care for yourself. That is love.

Well, there you have the short story of the roller coaster ride.  What’s your roller coaster ride these days?  Comment here or send an email, natalie@emptynestsupport.com

Take care,
Natalie  and read the PS which I could have shared early.

PS.  My best times when my daughter returns are to let her know ahead of time what I would like, what’s up for me and for her to share the same information and feelings.    Sure life changes and we swim with that shift or drown for a bit and eventually, pop up for real air.  Communicating repels resentment.  Chatting with myself first on what really will happen verses fantasy, keeps me sane.  Saying, “I’m not thrilled with that idea,” rather than, “Oh sure I am fine with that,” makes for a good night’s sleep.  You know what I mean because love can be seductive and the word, yes, falls out before no.