A mother called today wishing her son lived nearby so they could celebrate her milestone report of a clean bill of health.
The news brought up the good celebrations they shared as well as ones missed. She wept.
Tears are a good thing. We just don’t like those feelings for fear they will never end or they will exhaust us. Loneliness sits right next to the tears.
If earlier in life we had been taught crying and loneliness are normal and actually are tender moments, we might not fear or judge the weeping.
I try to remind myself these are simply feelings. Feelings show I am vulnerable which means I care. I’m alive. I don’t like my weeping either. I have learned how to comfort myself whether I am driving in the car or in bed, “You are having feelings, not monsters, feelings. You will be ok and this won’t last forever. You have felt sorrow before and survived.” Well, you get the idea. Self talk works for me, sometimes. Have you tried that?
Over and over we hear that it is time to change, learn how to be happy, get happy, choose happy which negates that sadness has deep value. When is the last time you heard someone being interviewed on TV or at lunch, talk about how they wept last night and never thought the tears would end?
Well, as a researcher of happiness said to me, “Mostly people need permission to feel whatever they are feeling. Then comes peace and happiness.”
May we give each other permission for all feelings and to reach for someone to hold us, even someone who might simply be online or lives in another city.
Take care,
Natalie
natalie@emptynestsupport.com
818-763-0188 Los Angeles
Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org
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