Do you, parents, think you need to push your children to “grow up if they are in their twenties? Do you ask for rent if they live with you? Are you expressing more demands? Do you think they will listen to you? Do you feel patient with them most of the time or is your fear attacking them too often?”
It is never easy being a parent. More reports and stories share that this generation is growing up later due to economy and more choices, like premarital sex not being judged as in the past.
Parents share with me that they want them out of the house now and others share they honestly don’t mind them getting their footing and living at home as long as there is a plan …. A trial and error time is what some parents see with their twenty year olds.
What are you experiencing with your twenty something children?
I imagine you have mixed feelings. Miranda had a job and got laid off. She did not want to move back home. She enjoyed her independence. Now, she juggles listening and still having her own life as she heads out the door at 9:00am going on interviews. Her parents chat in their bed the night before, “How long will we have to worry and carry her? I don’t know if we are doing the right thing or should be asking more from her? I like us getting to know each other again without someone in the house.”
There is no rule book. You know your family values and you know your child better than anyone else. You get to change your mind when a plan isn’t working. You are still the parent and therefore confusion arises that the child should be equal to you. They aren’t. They are the children even if their age is moving on up the ladder. Be as good a role model as you can be. Say what you need to say, briefly and not when red is all over your face. Pause and listen.
Negotiate and trust that you can count on yourself to figure out the steps of these changing times. They can learn to trust themselves and be respectful of you.
One family had their son live with his aunt for awhile. It was a great learning for everyone.
We’re trapped when we compare ourselves to how other families are living with their adult children. Come back to what you know is true and what you do and don’t trust. Have conversations. Put the repair box down. Pick it up again. Have a sense of humor. When you are at a breaking point say it with the “I” statement. Ask for help. Get time to re-fresh yourself and re-assess. You get to make mistakes. Erase the board and write again.
I know it isn’t easy being in transition. What choices do you have? What do you need and who can help you?
Take good care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org
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