I was helping a friend happily begin her college year at UCLA.
Details, sore muscles, new faces, and no one talking about the big hug goodbye.
Isn’t that the perfect mask by being busy and in a flow of getting the jobs done?
Strangers sending smiles to each other. The secret language of CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS DAY IS HERE?
Parents especially, are looking for a community, even though short lived on campus. They will be back for FAMILY WEEKEND, and are leaning into that distant date for hope .
Transitions bring tears and new behavior. A mom called me saying she was so embarrassed in the dorm because she couldn’t stop saying, “HEY SWEETIE HANG IT HERE. HEY SWEET PIE, I WILL BE RIGHT BACK.”
From one parent to another….give yourself a generous FOOL CARD PASS. You are off balance and know, around the corner is the last peak at your SWEETIE PIE for awhile.
When you get back home, make time to BEE….You have no idea how much thought and energy you have extended to make this transition for your child.
You keep your cell phone in hand, looking forward to them calling you as they walk across campus.
Nurture yourself. Reminisce on any memory of parenting that pops up. Cry.
You are at a major life transition. Get support. You have never been here before so why travel the road alone?
Many new parts of you will now have time to be discovered. They will always be your children and you their parent.
Congratulations,
Natalie
Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org
Thank you, thank you, thank you! For the permission to feel sad. Most folks that we know either ridicule our sadness (my hubby & I) or tell us “you have to let him go” like we are holding him back by grieving his going off to college, or even the ever popular: “it will be alright, don’t cry”. Well, it’s NOT alright right now, & we are sad & have both cried & will no doubt cry more. I am an intelligent woman (have actually just graduated from college with a second degree the day after my son graduated from high school. Of course, now that means I have no more classes to look forward to & am unemployed at the moment ~ triple whammy!!), but I have felt ashamed about being sad. I do not know how to handle not being needed every single second of every single day. It hurts. & before he went away to college, (as other parents have commented to me) it was like he was trying to “break up” with us before the big move. Even now, after nearly 6 weeks of him at college, we never know if we will get a reply text or phone call. Because he is “too busy”. Gosh, we were never too busy for him! I believe in my heart that he will come around; it is just that it would be nice to be able to share in this new journey he is on, instead of being shut out. Again, thank you for some insights & I promise to check back & let you know how I am doing!