You want to be strong. Stand tall. You miss those you love. You curl into yourself. Still both hold beauty. Both hold gifts.
In the rest and solo time, you reflect, weep, and refresh. You stand confident and step. You can’t always be present. You can’t always do the right thing. You can’t always shift perception or be compassionate. ALWAYS is perfection. Unreal.
You can build self trust that no matter what comes your way, you will be kind to yourself and not critical.
Many ask me, ” How do I practice being tearful and ready to step? They aren’t the same?” Shift perception. Your life could be worse and your life matters. Be compassionate. Of course you are sad and immobile right now, who wouldn’t be? You get to feel what you feel . You will feel differently and for now, you are depressed and lonely. Too many disappointments. Too many uncertainties. You need to let yourself be OK with your feelings and thoughts right now.
Our mind is powerful. Teach it your language.
“I am so sad. I need to just curl in for awhile. I will be fine. I am fine. I’m sad now. I will not be in the tears forever.” When you rationalize your feelings, deny them, push them away, or hate them, how does that comfort you?
You will find your own words. The process is to chat with yourself. Comfort yourself and see that for now you are sad. Feelings are feelings. Don’t you wish we had more voices in our head that said, “Everyone cries. Everyone feels. Your turn.”
Anger sometimes is safer than tears. Have you noticed that?
Learning to use the word AND takes practice, “I am sad and I know I will be OK.”
I want to get outside and right now I need to be inside. I feel vulnerable.
I can change my mind.
I am so angry they don’t call and maybe I will learn what that is all about.
I’m sick of saying what I need and not getting it. I still can have a good day. (Shift perception so you have choices)
In a group I facilitated, a woman shared:
I drive myself crazy. I know that but I can’t stop. I talk about the same problem over and over to myself. I lose things. I am irritable. I feel so tired and then I over eat. Crazy.
What she came to realize was, she didn’t feel safe being vulnerable with herself let alone a friend. She didn’t cry much. She couldn’t ask for help because she didn’t want to rely on someone and then have them leave because they got sick of her.
She discovered her feelings fell easier with music playing. For a month she wrote in her journal in the evening. Sometimes only a line or two, she wrote with her eyes closed in the beginning. Words still landed on the page, “I feel…….” Her head had taken over her heart access. She was a thinker. She was not into feelings. Comfortable and familiar for her to think and think. She was known as being really smart and she liked that image. Who can’t relate to that style? Now she says, “I actually feel lighter and lost weight, finally. My body aches are less, especially headaches. Going for a walk seemed to help and writing. Mostly, I was sick of my style and ready for something new.”
What do you hold that are opposites? What behaviors are you sick of in others? Can you relate to those habits they have?
What do you want to try for a new behavior? Write down whatever pops in your mind. You get to change your mind.
Take care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org
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