A parent called sharing she was waiting for her twins to be ecstatic from the long anticipated acceptance letters to college. She worried there would be tears with rejection letters, no choices. What parent wouldn’t want their children to get what they want? Changes can bring brightness, dullness, or shades of grey, usually the latter.
Learning to sit in the unknown is uncomfortable. You realize you don’t have a choice but to go with not knowing or to spend your time in worry. I don’t think our children or you, benefit from worry, and yet it is common for that to pop into your day. You could say, “thanks worrier for sharing, but I can handle this not knowing.’ It is a practice to be able to say THANK YOU and to LET GO and move on in your day. Thank you and I am moving on today.
A mother worries about her daughter’s health. She practices self-care and not letting the fear of illness for someone she deeply adores, affect her own health. Not easy. She weeps and cuddles in bed until an energy lifts her to begin again, despite no changes in her daughter’s health, her bright , beautiful, young daughter.
A son care-takes his aging mother and longs for how it used to be. You be the mom. I will be the son. You be strong and lead. I will grow and become. Change happens. He is over-whelmed and peeks in her room to be sure she is still breathing. He remembers his mom telling him how she peeked in his baby room to see if he was breathing.
The wedding ring sits in her drawer, discarded from her thought of a forever life with her husband. This generous, creative, happy woman is now pulled to the underworld of tears and uncertainty. No matter who said goodbye first, both will grieve for the life they thought they would share in old age, full of history and completing each other’s sentences. Not to be. Not to blame. Not to regret. She knows what the challenges were after twenty years of coupling. She just doesn’t know what will be next for her. Change happens. Shades of shock, begging, anger, dullness, clouds, and then fresh air. Never in a straight line. Her hope is that she knows she is a great woman and did all she could to love. She keeps a door open that she will have a happy life whether solo or with a partner. Her coping skill of the day, is to clean out her closets. What would be yours?
He weeps for the routine he had. He loved his job. They no longer needed him . He is a worker bee. Man who produces. Now what? Change happens. He didn’t see it coming, nor would that really help his meaningless days. Grieve for what is no longer. Write what you loved about your day and what you didn’t care for so much. List what gifts you have to give, again. Keep going. Keep going. Fall and stand again. When you feel and think, feel and think, when you let others help you, and let it be ok to change your mind, you get a routine again. Ordinary days, which for him, need to be a routine, are good days. Ordinary life is a precious life. When he was able to shift to that perception, he put on his shoes.
Change is inevitable in life. Let’s talk about it. Let’s help each other feel fresh air. Let’s listen and be, with appreciation that that is a wonderful life. There are callings for doing and callings for being, both change our view. Wouldn’t the same view for a lifetime be dull?
Shades of change. How are you self- caring in your day to day life? How are you able to help others with their view? From your center, what is moving out and staying near?
Take good care,
Natalie
Natalie Caine M.A.
Empty Nest Support Services
Life In Transition, What’s Next?
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles
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Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
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Natalie Caine, M.A. natalie@lifeintransition.org
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